Hello, I have gained a pretty vast reading audience in a short period of time and I wanted to open up a little more about me and my day to day living experiences. I have such a great life to the outside viewing world and I try to maintain an upbeat and positive attitude which is just an illusion. From an outsiders point of view I am a fully-functional, outgoing individual with everything going for him.

I am essentially, living the "American Dream" by being married, having 2 children (second on the way) a nice house with a large yard and a family dog. Unknown to the outsiders looking in I am a very tortured individual. No one really knows what it's like to live like me, not even my close friends and family. Now, my friends and family know I have some medical issues and I take prescription drugs to try to control my issues, but they don't know the extent and suffering I am enduring every day.

First of all, when I was born I had severe asthma and need to be on a ventilator at least once a day. I was transferred from one specialist to another, from one hospital to the next and all the way to Iowa City where they were supposed to be the experts on asthma. I don't remember these days, and throughout the years, there have been drastic improvements and advances in controlling this ailment which isn't such a big deal. I actually "grew out" of asthma and haven't had a trace of it since I was young.

After growing out of asthma I was the picture of health and had no strange or weird diseases etc. I was athletic, happy, outgoing and full of energy. About seven years ago however, I got a very slight headache. Throughout the following three week the headache increased in pain. I took Advil, Tylenol, and anything else I could get my hands on to make the headache go away. Nothing worked to control my pain and eventually my headache got so bad I was vomiting uncontrollably, had blurred vision and in excruciating pain.

I called my grandmother who immediately picked me up and drove me to Urgent Care thinking I must have been experiencing a migraine headache. While waiting in the lobby of urgent care, I couldn't contain myself, I was an absolute psychopath. I was throwing up, shaking, sweating, losing my mind and not able to sit still at all. Finally I was taken into the exam room in which the doctors advised me to got to the emergency room and called an ambulance. I was taken to the ER and given anti-nausea medicine and examined by a handful of doctors.

I kept telling them to make the pain go away and to knock me out, anything that could alleviate the pain that was running through my brain. I was drugged and given a CAT scan which revealed I had Encephalitis (swelling of the brain) and then given a spinal tap which informed me that I had Meningitis. There was no way to stop this pain other than high-powered pain medication which would knock-me out. The only treatment I received was for the encephalitis because the meningitis was not something that could be treated. The next thing I remember is being carried inside my grandmother's house by my grandfather and uncle and placed in the spare room. I spent my entire summer (three plus months) bedridden in my grandparents house.

Now, there are two types of meningitis in which you can get; viral and bacterial. The bacterial can kill you in a short period of time but at the same time can be treated and cured also in a short period of time. Viral is non-treatable in terms of eliminating the virus and you have to let it "run its coarse". Viral Meningitis can also kill you, but it is a longer, more painful process which doesn't often kill because there is no way you can withstand the pain and refuse to seek medial assistance. People who die from viral meningitis are people who cannot get to a doctor or get pain medication mostly in third world countries.

I was flat on my back for over three months because every time I even sat up for more than a minute, the pain in my brain would come flashing back making me violently throw up and want to die once again. Eventually I was able to sit up for long periods of time, move to walking here & there and eventually being able to go out for short periods of time. The end of my Meningitis is where my long-term problems begin.

There is really no explanation of why this happened, but since my meningitis, my entire body and inner workings of my brain had changed. I had now become susceptible to all viruses, my immune system was virtually non-existent and I was continually being seen for a number of different ailments. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and numerous bouts with the influenza and so many other little things, I can't count. Almost a year and half later, I had meningitis once again. This time was nowhere near as severe as my first go-round and only lasted a few weeks, but it still sucked!

Since my meningitis I have been diagnosed with RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome), Anxiety Disorder (Panic Attacks), Periodic Limb Movement Disorder and depression. The main topic of this article is on my RLS and educating people who don't know what this particular disease is. RLS is a disease that affects only 10% of Americans and has no cure. There are treatments, which help to control the symptoms and help those afflicted with this disease to live a better life.

Below is a description of RLS from http://www.rls.org/:

What is RLS?

Restless legs syndrome (RLS) is a neurological condition that is characterized by the irresistible urge to move the legs. In order for you to be officially diagnosed with RLS, you must meet the criteria described in the four bullets below:

• You have a strong urge to move your legs which you may not be able to resist. The need to move is often accompanied by uncomfortable sensations. Some words used to describe these sensations include: creeping, itching, pulling, creepy-crawly, tugging, or gnawing.
• Your RLS symptoms start or become worse when you are resting. The longer you are resting, the greater the chance the symptoms will occur and the more severe they are likely to be.
• Your RLS symptoms get better when you move your legs. The relief can be complete or only partial but generally starts very soon after starting an activity. Relief persists as long as the motor activity continues.
• Your RLS symptoms are worse in the evening especially when you are lying down. Activities that bother you at night do not bother you during the day.

RLS can also cause difficulty in falling or staying asleep which can be one of the chief complaints of the syndrome. A substantial number of people who have RLS also have periodic limb movements of sleep (PLMS). These are jerks that occur every 20 to 30 seconds on and off throughout the night. This can cause partial awakenings that disrupt sleep. Sleep deprivation can seriously impact your work, relationships, and health.

Now as you read the above description of RLS here is where my symptoms differ:

It says above that most people feel the need to move their legs when resting; I feel the need to move them 24/7. When I am engaging in physical activities it doesn't affect me as much because I am focused on the task at hand and not dwelling on the irritating feelings I have throughout my legs. I wish it was only when I was resting that I feel this sensation.

It mentions in the article how it feels which is pretty spot on, but for me it also affects my wrists a great deal of the time. I have brought this up to my physician and he doesn't seem to think that is a part of RLS, but is feels exactly the same. I recently read on rls.org that RLS has now been linked to arm and trunk pain, which makes sense because I also have chronic back pain, great!

I have a severe case of RLS and it makes me mentally unstable. I focus so much on the pain in my legs, and get so frustrated on how I can't just relax, it makes me a lunatic. I am unable to focus on many things that are important because I am too busy dealing with my pain. I have been on a number of medications for my RLS such as Mirapex, Clonasapam, Ropinarole and now Valium. All of these medications help me to a certain extend, but I am always feeling the horrible sensations of my RLS. I have trouble sleeping due to my RLS and my periodic Leg Movement Disorder which wakes me numerous times per night and keeps me from falling back asleep quickly.

My legs are always bruised due to me punching my legs and slamming them into object just so I can feel a different sensation of pain rather than the non-stop tightness and pain I feel from my RLS every minute of the day. I sleep in positions that force my legs into awkward positions and create a stretching feeling until I finally fall asleep. I hate long trips where I am confined to small areas where I cannot stretch, or act like a loon while inflicting pain on myself (cars and planes) which is especially bad for me because I have an hour and a half commute to work every day and my job has me travel once to twice a month across country.

I am a prisoner in my own skin and it is terrible. I hate the feeling of not being in control of my body and it makes me irritable, frustrated, upset and mentally unstable. I can see myself being institutionalized years from now if something doesn't happen in the medical world to cure or increase the control of my pain. I know there are other diseases that need to be addressed which affects many more people than RLS does, and I understand that, I even agree that the focus needs to be on Cancer, HIV and Alzheimer's disease, but I am at my wits end. I also hate when people I know, such as my grandma and Aunt say they have RLS too and they have a hard time going to sleep at night.

No, you have no idea what it is like to have RLS like me. Don't compare your sometime difficulty to fall asleep to my constant and continual torture I endure every day. If they had what I do, they wouldn't just complain once in a blue moon, they would be losing their mind like I am.

If you would like to learn more about RLS, treatments, symptoms etc, please click on http://www.rls.org/. There is a wealth of information, contact information on people who are dealing with RLS and suggestions that they have in controlling your pain.

I am so crazy about how awful this disease is that I fear with all my heart that my daughters do not get it. Sometimes when I hear my daughter cry at night when we put her down that she may be experiencing the symptoms of RLS and am afraid for her, but there is no way to determine what she is feeling. I read that RLS is hereditary and runs in families. ADD (which I have) increases the symptoms of RLS and I am pretty sure my 2 year-old has that too.

So with my RLS, I believe this is the main contributor to my anxiety disorder and my depression. I have taken numerous medications to control my anxiety such as Paxil, Zoloft and one I don't remember the name. I have had numerous dosages, from very high to lower doses to control those symptoms which in turn; coincidentally increase my symptoms of RLS.

My anxiety isn't what you would think, of being nervous or agitated in public settings or things of that nature. I am the lead singer of a rock band and have never in my life been afraid to be in the public eye. My anxiety is much different; I can't breathe. When I have a panic attack, it is completely random, without a catalyst; which makes me gasp for air and I feel like I cannot get the proper amount of oxygen to survive. It is a horrible feeling that I can only describe is drowning out of water. Although my RLS is my most painful and persistent problem, not being able to breathe is the scariest. I need to breathe, period.

I have to take my medication to be able to breathe which in turn makes my RLS worse; I am in a catch 22 situation. I have my anxiety under control and have not had that feeling of drowning for some time now but I am terrified to go without it, and do not want to experience that feeling again. I have tried lowering my dosage of anxiety medication but when I feel that I may start to have trouble breathing again, I immediately go back up on the dosage. I cannot win.

Lastly, I have depression which stems from both the RLS and Anxiety because I cannot be a normal person and feel the way everyone else does. I get a sense of doom in my heart and my body has a hollow feeling inside on most days. I take anti-depressants already which are used to treat my anxiety, so it isn't like there is anything else to do. When my grandfather died not too terribly long ago my depression took a drastic turn and sent me into a tailspin which I am still dealing with. I have never been the same since his death and probably won't ever be.

Another thing that increases my depression is my physical appearance. I was a very fit, individual with an athletic build but now I am on the heavy side which makes me sick. Since my meningitis, my metabolism slowed, I was on bed-rest for months, I had chronic fatigue syndrome which stopped me from wanting to do any sort of exercise, my anxiety meds made me gain weight and my RLS meds makes me tired. I have no time to exercise regardless due to having children and being involved in a band. I actually carry my weight very well but when I look in the mirror I see a fat ass, ugly pig.

The once thing I have to say about my depression is that unlike my RLS, I have something that instantly takes me out of the darkness of doom every day which is my daughter. She is my shining light in my ever so dark world which snaps me back into reality. Without her, I truly don't know where I would be today.

To all my friends and family that read this, I can only say I am sorry I act the way I do and behave in the manor I do, but I simply cannot help it. I know my wife has her hands full with me being gone during the day, working at her home daycare, taking care of our daughter and being pregnant on top of that and I am sure she thinks I could do more, which I agree I should. It takes so much more energy for me to function as a normal person she is unable to grasp what I am talking about. Sometimes I can be difficult, not show enough patience and get aggressive in terms of attitude with friends and family and I apologize. I really wish I could feel like I should and give more to you. I am constantly battling my feelings with RLS, my patience is gone by the time I get to you. I use it all up on myself every day.

My life is all about distraction. I have to distract myself from my misery I feel inside me every minute of the day. I play in a band not only because I love performing and I love music, but it is also a distraction to what I feel. I write to focus on something other than my feelings and pain. I love to play with my daughter and take care of her because I am completely focused on her for once, not me. I wish I could live without the distractions, but it is just part of my everyday life.