I was taking a shower recently when the door burst open and a hand reached in the shower and snatched me out all naked and wet. It was my old friend Lilith and she was pissed. Never mind how beautiful she is, she’s a real bitch.

She quickly and deftly carried me off and set my sorry ass onto the Flying Walrus Michael. Who was waiting for us outside the bathroom window just sort of floating there.

“What the hell are you doing here you bitch?” I yelled at her. “And what did I do now?”

“I don’t have to answer you nothing my wee man. All I need do is take you back to God as she has commanded me.” She retorted angrily. “It is permissible for me to do anything I want with you on the way too.” She laughed maniacally as she clawed me and began whipping me with her lash on my naked ass and back. Then she raped me as we flew on through the heavens to the Sea of Irwin and Cousteau. It was quite a ride on the back of the flying Walrus as this time as we slowly rose towards the heavenly city. I never much cared for the whipping but it did serve to give me an erection and that is how she was able to rape me. Actually it wasn’t so bad. I rather enjoyed that punishment. She took her good old time at it too and even taught me a thing or two about pleasing a woman along the way.

Then she forced me to suck her toes. She knew about my love of women’s toes though and thought that this would be humiliating to me and that is why she delighted in it so much. You see, her toes are not so nice as her Majesty’s and they stink too from her toes being in nasty places mostly. I am embarrassed to tell that part but it is a must for this telling of my journey through stars again. She finally was satisfied and had her fun with me and then she became kind, almost loving to me.

“I now see why Her Majesty is so enthralled with you Charlie boy. You do know your way with a woman I must say. I will take you to the shore of eternity now and if she lets you return I will be yours again to hold and you can do with me as you please on your way home.” She softly spoke to me. “I am now so sorry for hurting you so badly and want to make it up to you some how. So I will never be mean to you again Charlie, my dear.”

I was so surprised at this turn of events and never knew what to say and to keep her happy on the rest of the journey I just held her softly and kissed her neck and spoke sweet nothings in her ear. So far I felt good about this and just wanted to keep her from clawing and whipping me as I never wanted to trust her. My thoughts were also racing as I wondered what was in store for me in the City of Lesbos this time. I knew that I must have done something wrong as Her Majesty had promised that when I die she would send her own chariot for me. What is going on now? What the hell have I done?

“Did Her Majesty say why she sent you for me Lilith?” I asked.

“She never says anything to me, she always gives me a message through one of her angels. I have no idea what is going on. I was just told to retrieve you alive and that I could have my pleasure with you.” She answered. “I will now have your child I think.”

Now that was a revolting thought, I am fathering a child with a demigod? Now I understood some of those old Greek myths, were they really myths? Soon enough we were on the shore of Lesbos. I know this place pretty well by now and the whole routine of gaining entry through the pearly gates. I wondered who would be the gatekeeper this time around and was not surprised to see Johnny Carson standing naked behind his little kiosk with his drumming pencil in hand. That’s Odd, I would’ve thought he’d be holding a putter or a nine iron. Lilith hastily departed without a word.

“Hi Johnny. Pleasure to see you here. I sort of hoped I’d see Elvis waiting this time around though.” I greeted him.

“Hi Charlie. The pleasure is all mine, as you are a favored guest of Her Majesty.” He said to me. “And if life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all impersonators would be dead. Besides, he is still playing around with Rock Hudson over on Forever Ever Island.”

“Ha ha.” I laughed. “I thought you’d have a putter in hand Johnny.”

“Never use a big word Charlie when a filthy one will do.” He chuckled. “Just say what you mean my boy, it’s still a pecker.” He opened his large book of entry and turned the pages to find the current notes and looked me in the eye and said, “Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ‘Are you ready?’ Charlie my boy you certainly are in the right place at the right time. Her Majesty is in great spirits today and wishes you to enter with full honors.” He had a wily smile on his face that I would later fully understand as he opened the gate for me and I walked by unescorted this time.

A Piping Band appeared playing Baill Inneraora also known as The Campbells are Coming. A very tall highlander carried a feildh mhor (great kilt) with claymore and Sqian Dubh (black knife) in hand and dressed me in it along with some ghillies (shoes). Of course it was Black Watch tartan since I am a Campbell. He topped me off with a Glengarry Bonnet and finished it with a sporran of jackaloupe hide sans antlers and handed me my sword to slip through my belt. I knew the sporran was jackaloupe by its lush fur as they have finer fur than jackrabbits. I’m sure my friend B.T. Evilpants would agree with me on this one. I think it is from their strong desire for tarts that make them that way. Now I don’t mean the tarts that R. Blue may refer too either. B.T. may like them too but he really loves butter tarts.

Now dressed in all my Highlander finery I was piped to the gate of the city itself with its walls so high. This time the gate just opened up and we marched right through as though I was someone of some importance. This walk through the gate was so different as I had no Gabriel to poke me in the ass with his mighty horn and his nasty attitude. I was being treated like royalty or something. I was feeling pretty cocky and extremely proud. I saw Louis Armstrong again as I passed through and his smile seemed a little broader and brighter this time as he released his horn and saluted me as I passed by. Not a word was spoken as the piping continued along the street of gold. It seemed the whole city was in attendance watching as we marched to the Palace. Everyone was naked and beautiful as before but all work had been halted so they could watch my glorious return to this Wonderful City. I observed the most wonderful boobs and toes on display for me as I conceitedly marched along in my finery. I of course had no idea what Her Majesty had in the offing for me and never gave it a thought as I was too caught up in the pageantry displayed on my behalf.

I was too busy looking at the wonderful tits and slender legs to notice a dark angel who had joined us along the route to the palace door. He was walking behind me and I never realized until later that the obeisance was all for him and not for myself. He carried a tool of displeasure I was soon to discover on his golden belt like a sword. His face was covered with a mask not unlike an executioner of old.

As we got closer to the palace I noticed a huge crowd gathered in front of it this time. In the midst of this crowd was a huge platform almost like a stage. I knew then that something really special was in store for me this time as I saw Gabriel and Uriel both standing in attendance with a few other notable figures with long brassy horns. As we approached the steps to the stage the pipers quit piping and the long sound of the horns blared loudly as we came to a halt. The palace door opened and Her Majesty appeared in all her glory set upon a mighty white swan. It was Signet. This time she was wearing a wonderful robe of purple with a white ermine collar. She wore a dress that covered her beautiful figure in gold like unto a gown of Egyptian wear. It reminded me of what Cleopatra may have worn. Her head carried a small crown of gold set with jewels I cannot describe in words of mere mortals. There are no jewels like that on Earth. All in attendance fell to their faces and worshipped her. This is when I discovered the dark angel who knocked me down and held my face on the cold gold pavement with his heavy foot. All was silent.

I was now fairly frightened by this turn of events. No sooner was I knocked down than I was abruptly jerked to my feet and the dark angel ripped my wonderful trappings right clean off me. He took the claymore and broke it over his knee as he likewise did to the little knife. I beheld Her Majesty now standing on the platform looking down at me, glaring down at me standing once again stark naked before my creator.

“Bring him to me.” She softly spoke.

The dark angel dragged me up the stairs so unkindly and I whimpered in pain. He threw me before her feet as we topped the stairs. Splinters welcomed my sorry ass as I scooted across the rough sawn planks. I found myself once again on my face in front of my maker in fear of my unknown fate. I was now weeping like a wretched whipped stepchild and humiliated beyond measure. Well, what would you do? I was really scared out of my wits and so confused by what had befallen me now. I really never knew what I had done to deserve this treatment.

“Quitter!” Her Majesty screamed at me. “Do you hear me Charlie?”

“Yes I do your Majesty. I do hear you but fail to understand what you mean.” I trembled in fear as I gave her answer.

“You have sorely let me down and I am giving you a reminder of obedience today. You quit hubpages without consulting me and with total disregard for my orders to you at our last meeting.” She said as she stepped upon my head. “Your toe sucking won’t help you my love this time around as I have now put you in your place.” She held my head firmly upon the floor of the stage. I tried in vain to move but could not and I could feel more splinters dig into my face as spittle ran out of my mouth and tears flowed into them mingling with the blood and sweat that burned deep into my skin. It was so deliciously painful as she applied more force with each word for emphasis much like a jackhammer upon my sorry head.

I had not noticed the smoke arising from the pot of hot coals setting on the stage in a corner. Out of the corner of my left eye I could see the dark angel with his tool set in this pot and it dawned on me that it was a branding iron. Oh shit! I knew then I was in for something much worse than splinters in my ass. I shut my eyes tight and waited for the pain I knew was coming. I just never knew where it would be but I had a fair idea from watching old cowboy movies. My asshole soon puckered up tight as I anticipated the pain.

It seemed an eternity passed before I suddenly heard a scream as the iron touched the right cheek of me ass. Of course the ear splitting scream came from my own mouth. I heard the catcalls and applause from the millions of women watching from below along with the cheers of the men and their whistles. I don’t know how many others had been through this before me but the huge crowd certainly enjoyed witnessing my raw displeasure and mortification.

“Silence!” Her Majesty loudly ordered the crowd. Silence was immediately given. I was released and lie there whimpering from the burn on my wretched ass. I don’t know which was worse, the burn or being humiliated in front of so many people.

“Release him Priapus.” She ordered. Now I knew his name and it was not unknown to me. I wonder.

“Yes my mother.” He answered in a gravely voice. My suspicions were correct I now realized. Priapus put away his instrument of pain and I was released. As he was putting the iron away I noticed that it had the backward letter Q on the business end. It was about 2” in diameter. I had been branded as a quitter on my rump like a steer set for slaughter. Brisket came to my mind. I swore to myself that I would never eat beef again. Priapus then descended the stairs and I watched him leave without a word and he disappeared into the crowd below us.

“Arise now my gallant Charlie.” Her Majesty said softly. “Uriel kiss his ass for him.”

What?

Uriel immediately came to me and bent over and kissed my burning ass. It was in an instant healed and the burn and pain left me. I was simply amazed at that. I could not resist from rubbing it with my hand. No pain but a reminder was left in the form of a raised scar on my right ass cheek. I now wore a sort of medal on my ass, I was not in the least impressed with that thought.

“Charlie I have given you a reminder of my former order. I want no excuses from you or apologies. I know that you will do as I say now.” She softly spoke to me. “I want you to go back and fulfill my requirements that I had so graciously given you the last time you were before me. Do you understand my love?”

“Why yes, I do your Majesty.” I meekly answered her. “May I ask you what your name is?”

“Charlie boy, I think you know my name by now. Come and whisper it in my ear for me.” She requested.

I walked forward and put my face close to hers. The power of her closeness and her scent was more than I could bear. I softly kissed her on the neck and slowly nibbled my way up to her ear and probed it with my tongue and whispered, “Aphrodite, my love.”

The rest of what took place in that city that day is forbidden for me to tell. I must remain silent for my ass’s sake. I want no more brands upon my person and fear where the next one might be placed upon my person if you know what I mean. I will tell you that I have been given six months to make amends with her and my friends on hubpages and my fans. Also to make a formal apology to Hup for any distress I may have caused him for my abrupt departure from hubpages.

I will be the same old writer that you all have come to know as C. C. Riter. I have a new respect for life and am invigorated from my experiences of the last few weeks. My dalliance with Lilith has gotten her into a pickle with Her Majesty as she lied to me about having the permission to have her pleasure with me. I fear her words that she was impregnated by me and hope against hope that it also was a lie. Stranger things have happened in Greek mythology you know, so it is not impossible. It may be something to come back to haunt me I fear. I can only say that I am only human and a man. Her Majesty understands me and has forgiven me so that’s all I can hope for.

In closing I can tell you that I have a goal like no other before me. And I have shown my ass way too much recently as you can see on this hub. Now I must get serious about learning more of my Scot Gaelic too. Or I may have my tongue branded too, or worse.

©2009 C. C. Riter