written by Jewel Case.

Author's note: Also known as "Rollerblade Girl."

Her hand shook as she took another step up onto the slick gray metal railing, trying to ignore the shiver in her hands and the tightness of her jaw as she peered down into the sickly yellow waters beneath her feet. "You can do this," she told herself. "It will be over before you know it." Her hand reached over the side of the railing as she hoisted herself clumsily over the 4 foot high barrier separating her from the 75 foot drop.

"Don't look down," she whispered, knees beginning to quiver beneath her. "Don't look down," she told herself over and over again as she dropped down beyond where the cars passing by going 50 mph could see her. Her chest remained tighter than ever as she tried to breathe, her breath comiing out ragedly.

"You have to do this," the voice shouted at her. "Can't you see how you're hurting everyone already!"

"Please..." she begged the voice. "Just let me think! Just for one second! Do you think this is easy for me? I hate being up here...." Her voice got quieter. "I'm terrified of heights. I don't even know why I'm up here. All that I know is I want out. I'm sick of being told over and over again that I'm worthless. Even when I try to escape it repeats itself over and over in my head." She let her bangs fall across her tear-filled eyes as she peered over her feet staring down into the monster.

Every fiber in her being told her to climb back over and run. Run anywhere she could, but even that wasn't enough to make her do anything as she clung to the railing. Her eyes betraying how scared she was about being so high up in the air.

Everything around her cast shadows across the water, the sky an oily black painting trying to swallow her up in its vastness. The moon shone on the water, reflecting off a dim light.

"Leave me alone!" She yelled at the thing creeping around her head.

The city lights only blocks away faded from her eyes. She no longer paid attention to the dog barking in the car going past or the people she knew would be by soon if she didn't let go.

"No one can ever touch me," she whispered. "I'm so tired. Why can't I just give up?"

Alex let one of her hands fall to her side. She hung helplessly over the side.

Acid tears ran down her cheeks. "But what if..." she shook her head..."My friends hear about this? Will they decide to follow in my footsteps?"

Her head hung like there was a weight preesing her farther and farther down. The once lively eyes dull from too many times of crying and wishing something that could never be, the wind blowing her dirty blonde hair across her nose, her mouth, her lips, her eyes.

She reached her hand back up and grabbed a hold of the railing again. Closing her eyes she could almost picture it.

With regret, she nervously shook her head.

The thing crept up on her. "So...you actually did it," it said, "now all you have to do is let go."

"I can't," she told it. "I can't do this to Heather, or Ray, or even my sister. I can't do this at all." Her voice shook as she forced those words through her lips, trying to surpress the tears threatening to fall. "I just can't..."

Sobs wracked her body from head to toe.

"I'm sorry, okay....?"

"You'll be sorry if you don't do this." It laughed at her. Like it though she enjoyed being there and knowing how it made her feel.

Water lapped at the shoreline, pounding against the rocks only a couple yards to her right. The only person who knew she was up there didn't even care, she mused sadly, her heart rate growing shallow. She pressed her face against the cool metal. Down below she could make out big chunks of rock and trash littered in the dead grass. With a heaviness she'd never known she groped for the next bar over and slowly and surely made her way over until she hung suspended over the ground.

A horrifying thought hit her, "what if a little kid finds me," she wondered. Gulping loudly. "Or I survive and a guy rapes me or I'm crippled for life?"

All these thoughts assaulted her as she shook her head, trying in vain to erase the memories. It was hopeless. She let the rest of the tears dry up. Climbing back over she fell listlessly to the ground on the other side.

Cradling her head in her hands she moaned into her trembling knees. "I screwed up. I'm sorry." Again and again.

"Failure," it screamed at her. "Nobody. You are so worthless, Alex. You can't even kill yourself right!"

"I know. You've been telling me that my whole life, now I'm going home. It's obvious that coming here was a mistake. Do you hear me? Why did I even come? I knew I would chicken out..."

"Next time then."

"There won't be a next time," she told it. "Climbing over it and not being able to jump has made me rethink some things about my life. I'm not going to lie to my friends any longer. They need to be let in. I know it may be hard." She held up her hands as if that would keep it away. The darkness receded. "Tomorrow at church I will tell Mare Bear. She will understand. Like you ever have anyway." Her hands dropped to her sides. Tomorrow it is then."

The sun began to rise over the mountains. Mission Ridge came first, than, finally, she felt a bit of sunshine shining down onto her red cheeks. "Everything will be made new. I will finally be able to escape..if I can make it that long." She felt the jagged scars on her wrist. "Please let me make it that long..."

When she got to the church she slunk into the backseat and sat down next to Mare Bear. "Hey," she said, her eyes darting nervously between the door and her friend. "Can I tell you something? If you can't handle what I tell you...call the cops. Just please..don't call the school. Anything but that."

She held her breath waiting for her friend to answer. It seemed like a life time had gone by before she did.

"Try me."

"You may not know this about me," Alex began, "but right now I don't want to live anymore. I've already tried to take my own life. I chickened out though and couldn't jump...but you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine right now. I just wanted to let you know."

She shuffled her feet on the tiled floor, staring down at the carpet. "You don't hate me," she asked quietly, "Right? Was it a mistake to tell you?"

"No." Mare Bear glanced away. "I just wish you'd told me sooner. You know I won't turn my back on you. You've always been there for me." She looked at Alex through new eyes. "And I'm willing to help you if you want, but you need to want to get help."

"I do. I can't do this on my own any longer."

"And how about that?" She pointed at the sleeve creeping up, revealing the nasty lines crisscrossing the surface. "Are you willing to try to stop? For me?"

"To be honest, I don't even know if I want to stop..."

"Why?"

Alex grimaced. "I can't stop."

"Then let me tell someone. Anyone. I don't think I can handle it all on my own. Do you mind if I tell one of the leaders about this?"

She reached up and lightly grabbed Mare Bear's arm. "Please...don't. I can't tell anyone else. I don't care. Call the cops if you can't handle it, but I don't think I could face my friends if they did find out. Just promise you won't let me down. Please?"

Her friend bit her fingernail and scratched her neck. "I'll try, but I won't make any promises. And remember...I do care about you. If anything bad ever happened to you...I don't think I could live with myself either. Just tell me you'll try. I'll see if I can find someone to help you...someone you can trust. We will beat this...you know we will...but I have to go. My mom is waiting outside for me. Goodbye."

Alex remained hunched over her knees in the foyer sitting on the steps leading up to the balcony. She thought about what she'd just done. Knowing that each day she lived would be a minor victory. Stubborness ran in her family though and now she wasn't in the fight alone. She had someone who would pray for her in those dark moments when she couldn't seem to find her way out.

Some people would have told her she needed to talk to a shrink. Mare Bear was the complete opposite. She had gone through the same thing too.

Mare Bear just gave her a reason to live. To fight away the monster. "Depression," its name.