I was surfing the internet looking for inspiration. I'm supposed to be working on a requested hub on my time working in the adult industry but it's going very slowly. With my hubscore still suffering after having 13 hubs in a day flagged and pulled "off the air" I'm almost afraid to NOT publish regularly.

After all, the powers-that-be screw with you if you go under 75. (Otherwise, I wouldn't care, of course, but who needs attention from people who don't appreciate your sense of humor, right?) Anyway, I have enough material to publish at least ten more editions of my S.H.I.T. series so maybe after this one here I'll put out a few more of them until I finish the aforementioned requested hub.

I have another new website to write something for too. I have to confess,

sometimes it's hard just writing for myself and my fans. Sometimes I really think about taking the easy way out and think about writing hubs on dieting, making money and/or telling stupid people how to do things their parents should have taught them . . . like how to handle credit cards or how to void a check. I obviously have no monopoly on Stupid Questions, huh?

I am proud of myself for a few things though. Even though I just ranted on about stuff i all too often rant about, there is one thing I avoided. I managed NOT to make any references to Mighty Mom and her "super" BUT, I digress . . . )

Between applying for a full-time job and dealing with those rules and

having hubs flagged and dealing with THOSE rules how could I avoid writing something that had to do with rules?

So here are yet MORE rules that I and other guys are faced with on a daily basis. (Internet sources agree with me on these rules, in fact, but I cannot recall WHERE I first found some of these rules.)

Anyway, here we go:

PUBLIC "DON'TS" FOR GUYS

• Don't Urinate
• Don't Pick Your Nose
• Don't Scratch Your Balls
• Don't Scratch Or Pick Your Ass
• Don't Press One Nostril Closed With A Finger And Blow Snot Out Of The Other Nostril
• Don't Spit
  
• Don't Masturbate

Allow me to address these one at a time.

First, Don't Urinate.

As I have been trying to tell my son for the past couple of years, once your age hits double digits, whipping it out to pee on the rose bushes is NO LONGER cute!

Sure, back east on October 30th, "Mischief Night", who hasn't whipped out his wang to whiz all over some nasty neighbor's car?

Sure, who hasn't been at a college party and gone out on the fire escape with his buds to see who could piss the farthest?

Sure, who hasn't gotten so drunk that he used an elevator or a park sandbox as a urinal?

We ALL have!

Still, it IS against the law so we really shouldn't and normally DON'T do it. WHY someone insists on putting it on an official list I don't know.

Second, Don't Pick Your Nose

Wait! While I will not argue this I must insist that this be made a rule for WOMEN, too. ANy time my "babymomma" doesn't remember that

being 150 pounds overweight isn't enough of a turn off, she will pick her nose in front of me. This will insure that we won't reprise the particular act that brought forth my talented and youngest man-child.

Ladies, there is only one thing in which

you can stick a finger that we men find attractive and that particular orifice is a bit lower than your nostrils, okay?Once again, I don't see the need for this to be a rule on the internet. Even people who pick their noses in their cars are learning that many people are too damn nosy and stupid to keep their eyes on the damn-ass road while driving and therefore could spot them doing the nasty nostril digging.

Third, Don't Scratch Your Balls.

Okay, God put YOURS up inside you, ladies so of course we MEN are going to be the ONLY ones biologically and physically capable of this act. So that's an easy nit to pick with men. However, considering the number of baseball players and pop stars you mothers let us have as so-called "role models" you really can't blame us when we occasionally slip up and publicly scratch what itches, okay?

We generally know we shouldn't when we do but sometimes we forget and emulate the above-mentioned role models and just plain scratch what itches. (As if a woman has never been caught on camera scratching HER crotch!)

Mind you, I 'll admit that when we scratch our crotches in public we might cut down on the people who might actually be interested in dating us. No one wants to date someone with a fresh case of crotch rot. There are condoms but personally I'm "fixed" and have no desire to shower in a raincoat. We won't even talk about oral sex with someone who has crotch rot--Yuck!

Fourth, Don't Scratch Or Pick Your Ass.

Okay, this is like the previous rule only seen from behind. Again, we generally know we shouldn't when we do but sometimes we forget. Sometimes we feel we just have to scratch that itch or even fish our undies out of our ass-cheeks.

Also again, this is NOT something that is exclusively male. You ladies do it, too. Sometimes we ALL forget ourselves. I would say this rule is more important to women since we men look at YOUR asses all the time, right? Y'all NEVER look at guys' butts so it shouldn't be as important, right? Uh huh . . .

Fifth, Don't Press One Nostril Closed With A Finger And Blow Snot Out Of The Other Nostril.

I was fortunate enough to have never seen anyone do this until i was in college. I was in my Bicycling P.E. class and the guy ahead of me slowed down, leaned over a bit and blew his nose in this fashion. The snot and boogers hit the road and he never even came to a complete stop.

I've been lucky enough since then that I have never again witnessed that trick.Yes, it's disgusting. However, I know women do this too.

I've not seen them do it in public but I HAVE heard women do it in the shower. (Hey, that's almost just as bad since I am going to be using that shower later to wash other feminine fluids off myself later!)

Don't Spit.

My boss, Cooke2cook, suggested the addition of this rule.  She finds it disgusting when a man spits in front of her.  This is not something I have seen a lot of except from moving vehicles.  This is really stupid since if the wind changes suddenly you end up having it on your vehicle or just plain in your face!

After seeing a specific scene from the movie "Angela's Ashes" while learning something new about her website software I decided to add one more that really SHOULD go without saying:

Don't Masturbate.

What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom or at your own personal computer is your own business. Just don't do this in public! (If you actually saw the movie "Angela's Ashes" you

would really be laughing now! Make a note of this rule then watch the movie, okay?)

While the movie only shows guys I can assure you that this rule is actually good for BOTH genders. Face it ladies, unless we can "give you a hand" (or some other body part) you are just being a tease, okay? While I know there are women who like to watch and listen they don't admit it in public and it's pretty much against the law, too.

Trust me, I had a friend back east at my hometown church and every time he saw a woman he just had to whip it out and show off. I felt bad for his very conservative Christian family because they had to bail him out of jail on a regular basis.

I felt bad for the guy. I just couldn't believe that women could hold so much power over him. It was both amazing and sad.

Mind you, I have done a lot of weird, kinky stuff for women I have boinked--in fact you can find a few examples of those nasty things on the hub linked here--BUT he would whip it out and pay tribute to any vagina in view!

Anyway, now that you've read some "don'ts" found online, here (with some editorial assistance from moi) is a list of "dos" courtesy of blogger, ErniesUrn, here are

"6 Things A Guy SHOULD Do In Front Of Other People (Especially Girls)"

6. Put Hands In Pockets

5. DISCREETLY Check Out The Women

4. Stay Sober And Let Your Buddy Get Dead Drunk

3. Once He IS Dead Drunk, Become The Hero And "Save" Him

2. Caress, Hold Cuddle YOUR Woman As Often As Possible

1. Smile!

Let's review . . .

Put Hands In Pockets

According to Ernie, nothing says "sexy" more than a guy with his hands near his crotch. Women say they don't check out our packages.

"Bitch, please!" Some of you MUST work for UPS 'cause I've SEEN you checking out my "package"!

Then we have . . .

DISCREETLY Check Out The Women

Yes, it just would not do at all if all those scantily-clad women and women who show off their cleavage would actually know that their attempts to be major attention (or just regular) whores have succeeded. By all means be a bit more discreet than the sluts who show off more flesh than they should, okay?

Next . . .

Stay Sober And Let Your Buddy Get Dead Drunk

Once in awhile you might find it enjoyable to NOT be the "Instant-Asshole-Just-Add-Alcohol" Guy. Let your friend be that guy for a change and give your poor kidneys and surviving brain cells a break for once.

Trust me, boys, there's something about NOT being a drunken asshole that really makes a woman wet.

I'm told that there is something special about guys who don't stink of beer and can mange to communicate effectively without vomitting on their shoes that really, really turns a woman on big time!

Next . . .

Once He IS Dead Drunk, Become The Hero And "Save" Him

Ernie is younger than I am so he probably actually still has time to go out drinking. (The only time I generally have a drink or two anymore is while I am writing OR when I am alone with my lady-friend from La Verne.)

Anyway, I figure Ernie has plenty of

chances to pick his drunken buddy up off the floor, brush him off and drive him home. The only trouble is, all the time spent taking care of your drunk-ass buddy is time that is postponing your gettin' some.

Still, I guess if you and whatever woman you're gonna get some from both have patience this could still work. (Personally, I would rather drive drunk GIRLS home, ya know?)

Next . . .

Caress, Hold Or Cuddle YOUR Woman As Often As Possible

Ernie suggests that guys "always do this in public". He is correct when he says "almost 110% of the time cuddling is an expression women want men to display." He also adds that a "smart man would cuddle" his woman "all the way home" so that she knows the guy loves her.

You have to allow an exception to every rule. Some girls don't like clingy guys. You also want to be careful

about trying to cuddle a woman all the way home. People really should use BOTH hands to drive, ya know? (Maybe Ernie is still in college and he walks his dates home; I don't know.) Personally, I think getting a woman back to her place in one piece is a really effective way of showing you care, no?

Last but not least . . .

Smile!

Ernie says that a "Smile = Sexy". I have to say in SOME cases, I totally agree! A so-called "perfect" person loses something when they stop smiling.

Whereas, someone who is not "perfect" can score a points with a smile. A sincere smile brings you closer to perfection and that's a good thing since people who need rules about how to behave in public are obviously far from perfect.

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.