July 2008 my Nana passed away after suffering from Alzheimer’s and being tossed around like nothing by one of her daughters’ Dolores.  She was a great spirited person who I loved very much, and was sadden by how she was being treated by Dolores and her husband, her three daughters and one son, and their spouses.  My dad had promised my Tata to take care of my Nana after he had passed and my dad wanted to put my Nana in a great place close to our house so that we all could pitch in to help with taking care of my Nana.

          My Nana always held Easter and other holidays at her and Tata’s house up in Ramona where they raised chickens, horses, sheep, and one here a turkey though that was the only time since the turkey grew fond of Tata and the turkey was destined for Thanksgiving meal.  She loved when my brother and I were younger and spent the night with them, showing us how to stitch, though I still to this day can’t do a good job, and she would allow us to bring in the baby chicks to play with.  She told us to hang onto them but sometimes the one I was playing with “accidentally” would get away.  She never got mad at that though and would laugh as she watched me and my brother chase the little chicks around the house.

          She was always giving, wanting us all to be happy because she truly loved her family.  She never wanted any of us to be hurt or to feel down.  She was a true angel and I do miss her.

          When she finally passed away, I was living in Hawaii and my husband was finally home.  When I got the news, he instantly jumped into action and found a way to get me a plane ticket and told me to go while he stayed with Sasha and Shadow as well as go to work.

                But before I tell you about my trip back to California, there is a story I must tell you.  While working in Ewa Beach where my husband and I lived, I was told the most amazing belief that the Hawaiian’s have, a lovely and beautiful belief that I have come to cherish and believe myself.  While working one day, I saw a huge dark moth sitting perfectly still on our building, and intrigued I thought about catching it so I can show the children, but something told me not to.  So I continued to the restroom and came back, it being nap time, asking the people I was working with about the moth.  One of them, Mel, told me not to touch the moth, to leave it alone or I will be given nightmares because that moth was actually the spirit of a loved who has passed on to visit.  I was very interested in this belief and continued to ask questions, wanting to know if they knew who the spirit is and if they moth will stay all day.  Indeed the moth did stay, and they could only guess which spirit was coming to visit.

          After I quit my job, since my husband was coming home and then we would be leaving to move back to California for my husband’s training and then our move to Illinois at the time, (Of course, those orders had been changed and we have stayed in California.)  I was sitting at home the day after my Nana had passed away.  I had to take out the trash and as I left, I felt something tell me to look to the wall.  I tossed the trash and looked and there sitting beside the window to where our master bedroom is sits a dark moth, sitting perfectly still and with its wings spread a little bit.

          I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and ran back inside to grab my camera so I can get pictures.  I ran back outside and snapped a few pictures, totally amazed and stunned, knowing that this moth was my Nana saying good bye to me since I couldn’t have said good bye before she passed away.  I kept going back outside to see if she was still there and she was, she stayed on our house for four hours to say good bye to me.  I loved her even more when I saw her returning to me as a moth to say good bye, just as the Hawaiians believed, their belief becoming even more precious to me now than before.

          I quickly put the picture on my computer and emailed my mom, my dad, and my godparents telling them about the Hawaiian beliefs about the moth carrying the spirit of a loved one to say their final good bye.  They all appreciated this and thanked me for telling them.  I smiled as I looked at the picture, tears slowly rolling down my eyes.  My husband came home from work and I told him as well, and he held me as I cried.

          The day came when I would fly out or the funeral, and while on the plane I was sad not just because I would be going to see my Nana for the last time, but also because once again I was going to be away from my husband even though he had just gotten back from deployment in the end of June.  On the plane, memories flooded my mind of everything I had done with my Nana and how she did so much for me while I was growing up, and of course tears threatened but I fought them, being strong.  A thought entered my mind about when I went to my Tata’s funeral I had written a poem, so I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote what came to mind, fond loving memories.  So my pen quickly ran across the page, creating a poem I knew would make my family proud.

          When the plane landed, I was ready to see my parents and the rest of my family, poem in my bag and a small smile on my face as I remembered the moth and my Nana returning to me in another form to say a final good bye.  Or so I had thought it was the final good bye.  The day before the funeral, we have an open casket with just a few people, and she looked at peace just as my Tata had when I saw him lying in his casket those years before.  In my heart I felt happy outweighing the sadness because I knew that my Nana and my Tata were finally together.

          The next day was the funeral and we all drove to the same graveyard that my Tata had been laid to rest those years before, all of us dressed in black.  We walked into the church, my eyes scanning over those who were laid to rest in the walls, and then my eyes scanned to my family and friends, spotting them (those family members who are now dead to me).  We sat down in our designated place and listened to the priest speak.  It was time for those to come and speak, I was ready, having kept myself from crying as I waited for another person to finish talking, yep one of them, and walked up to the podium.  I closed my eyes for a second and took in a deep breath before I opened my eyes and told them how on the flight back from Hawaii I decided to write a poem just as I had for my Tata.  I read the poem and could hear people sniffling and crying, but I didn’t let myself cry until after the poem had been read.

          I returned to my seat and thought about how I should have also talked about Hawaii and their wonderful belief about the great dark moth, but I decided that my poem was enough for now.  And I guess I wanted my Nana’s visit to be a special story that I can share with others when the time was right and as well as a great story to tell during the holidays when we talked about my Nana.  I then felt something like a kiss on my cheek and again the hand and squeeze on my shoulder, and then I knew, my Nana and Tata had returned together to tell me good bye, and then that is when I allowed myself to cry.  They were happy, they were together, and they wanted me to know.

          Rest in Peace my Nana and my Tata and I hope that you as well as everyone else who has passed on are happy.  Never forget that I love you and miss you!  You two have showed me so much and thanks to you and your love for me as well as your teachings and the rest of my family’s love and teachings I am who I am today.  Thank you!