Yesterday was an odd day, and now that's it's done I kind of wish I'd read my horoscope.  I would like to have seen if it said anything about believing (or not believing) things that were most likely lies. Generally, I live my life without running into too many issues involving having to figure out if someone is lying, but yesterday brought two minor incidents in one day.

First there was the matter of a young guy and his girlfriend who asked if I had a dollar or two they could have.  The young man presented an overly animated story about needing gas, relatives who were a few miles away, charges for gas cans, and how many people he'd asked for a dollar or two.  He kept saying over and over again how embarrassing it was to ask people for money.  He struck me as an actor, but of course I could not be certain.   The girlfriend seemed extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing, and she didn't seem to be acting.

I hadn't yet gotten any cash for myself, and I told the guy I never carry much cash.  Still, I knew that I happened to have three dollars in my pocket; and I made the decision to give him two of them.    To be candid, I didn't believe a word he said.  Still, there was the chance they were legitimately in some "pickle".   Even if they weren't, I didn't care about the two dollars.   

Maybe if I lived in the city, where people are often asking for money, I would think differently.  I live in a suburb, though, so it hasn't happened more than once in about eight years (and the last time it was a couple of really young girls asking for quarters to use a pay phone - also, most likely, a con).  With Massachusetts recently making the cost of a package of cigarettes somewhere around $8.50, in the last few months I have been approached more than once by young people asking if I had a cigarette.    It occurred to me that these two folks yesterday may have really wanted to buy cigarettes (because a lot of the recent "cigarette-lookers" appear well over 18, and because people with little money can no longer afford to buy them).  I didn't happen to care if they really needed gas, wanted cigarettes, or whatever else they wanted to do or buy.    My gut instinct was that the story I was hearing was a lie, but that the guy may have being honest when he said how embarrassed he felt to ask for money.  (Then again, maybe he wasn't.)

As I handed the guy the two dollars he couldn't have been more dramatically "grateful".  I said, "Two dollars isn't going to do much."  He said how it was more than enough.  The girlfriend reached into her jeans pocket, pulled out a dollar bill, and showed it to me as she said, "Someone else gave us a dollar."  If the girlfriend was acting she was a far better actor than the guy, but her behavior made me question my assumption that they were nothing but career pan-handlers.  While I knew I may well be being conned, I didn't care.   To me, if people wants make a "career" of  trying to get money that way they're the ones who must not have the education, skills, ability and/or self-respect to work for their money.   I wouldn't give anyone a lot of money, but when it comes to a dollar or two I have other things to worry about than whether they're lying or pan-handling .  My kind of thinking is, of course, the thing that scammers count on; but again, I just don't care (as long as we're not talking about someone trying to scam me out of my life's savings).

It was later in the day that the second incident of a "possible scam" took place.    This one didn't cost me more than a few minutes of time.  It involved someone telling a tragic story on the Internet.  It was another case of not really knowing what to believe, suspecting it was a con job, but erring on the side of "I-don't-really-care" and acting (responding) in a way that gave the individual the benefit of the doubt.  If it was a scam it was a lousy one; but, again, I don't care.  Just as I'm not the one who ought to be ashamed of pan-handling (if that's what the couple was doing), I'm not the one who ought to be ashamed of scamming people online.  The way I see it is this:  If people want to be scamming jerks let them.  I know how much I'm willing to let them get out of me, and when I'll draw the line.

As it was, I didn't tell any family or friends I saw yesterday about the young people at the shopping center.  I didn't want to see in their eyes that I was "yet again" being naive or "too nice" to people who were (most likely) scammers (or at least liars).  With the incident online, however, there were others who witnessed how the whole situation developed; and somewhere among all the contributions of the participants I saw those words I'd successfully managed to escape earlier in the day - "naive" and "nice".  Those are words I've so often found ways to avoid; because so often when I've chosen to deal with possible scammers/liars by either giving them the benefit of even a sliver of doubt, or else by simply not caring much about what they're doing, I've been thought of as "too nice" or "naive".   The reason I like to avoid those words is that they really don't apply to me.  While I think I'm a good person, an understanding person, and a sensible adult; the fact is I'm not all that nice (sometimes), and I'm not naive.  Naive can, in a way, mean "kind of stupid about certain things"; and while I don't mind letting other people think I'm more stupid than I really am, I don't want people to think that what I choose to do comes from being naive or stupid. 

So why, when it comes to the smaller ways in which we can be conned, do I choose to give people that benefit of doubt or else even just play my part as the "scammee", knowing that's the situation?  In other words, why don't I (or people like me) care?  It's simple.  I have bigger things to worry about, care about, or be interested in.

When it comes to things and people that are important to me, there's no way I will ever let anyone get away with anything.  When it comes to the important stuff I'm no shrinking violent.  I'm the kind who lets no stone go unturned and no bottom go un-kicked.  That's with the important stuff, though.  I've lived a long enough life, and a full enough one, to have learned a little about what's important and what isn't - and a couple of young folks who ask me for a dollar or two (and are probably lying about why they need it), or someone who lies on the Internet, are just not important in the grand scheme of things.

I'm a pretty self-confident person when it comes to how "sharp" I am, so I'm secure about risking looking like a fool once in a while.  Just as I got the sense the young man was lying yesterday, I somehow suspect he got the sense I knew it.  If he didn't that's fine too.  I'm secure enough not to care if a young stranger thinks I'm more naive than I am.  I have the definite impression the girlfriend read me accurately, but I could be wrong.  The point is it isn't important anyway.  The world is full of so many "big, important" and so often awful things.  Why care about two dollars or someone who lies on the Internet?  If I had needed the two dollars I would not have given it away.  As for lying on the Internet, how often can we be all that sure that so much of what people say is not a lie?  Not often.  Most of us approach what we are told online with that proverbial "grain of salt" anyway.  Some may invest some emotions in online communications.   I'm generally not one of the them.  

Whether or not I give a possible (or even likely) liar the benefit of doubt depends on whether it's a "no-skin-off-my-nose" situation or a "skin-off-my-nose" situation.   In the latter situation, I'm nobody's fool.  In the former, I'm willing to risk being, or looking like, a fool simply because I don't care.  

Maybe I don't care because I'm a mother, and when mothers get to be a certain age they've seen a whole lot of stupid things being done by young people.  Mothers often choose to overlook the stupid things because they have faith that some young people will outgrow some things; while, if the young people aren't their own kids, they're kind of grateful they don't have to worry about their behavior.   Maybe, too, it's because I appreciate some of the deep, meaningful, blessings in my life; and I'd rather concentrate on those than spend my "brain time" giving two hoots over someone else's bad behavior.   Then again, maybe I've had enough big, awful, things happen in life to realize that if all I had to worry about was the occasional stranger's lies, I'd be pretty happy. 

Perhaps I don't care much about the lies and petty scams of strangers because life is short, and I know it.  The reason I know it is that I am a grown-up.   That's the thing:  I'm not naive or "too nice".   In fact, I'm a grown-up who happens to see these lies and petty scams, and the people who engage in them, as "small" - too small, in fact, for me to spend my precious "brain-time" and "heart-time" on.    Sure, I'll admit that I'm two dollars poorer today and that there's the chance two scammers are two dollars richer.  Sure, I'll admit, too, that I chose to give a possible online liar that benefit of the doubt "just in case" he wasn't lying.  Still, I gave nothing I couldn't easily spare; and I kept my healthy perspective on what's important in this life.  That's not nice or naive.  It's selfish, wise, and well worth the occasional two dollars.