Self Defense: Do's and Dont's

Self defense is great to build confidence and to protect yourself. However, I have found that most of what is taught to women that have been abused is virtually useless if the psychological reprocussions of their abuse has not been treated first. Most often women who have been abused for a long period of time have been beaten down not only physically but, mentally they are so unsure and insecure within their own ability to defend themselves, that simple self defense classes will most likely put them in more danger by using the techniques they have learned. Especially if they use them against a previous abuser. I can tell you from experience because I have been a fighter all of my life. Studying many forms of Martial Arts and teaching people in mixed Martial Arts. There is a crutial element to fighting, the "HEART" that it takes to follow through with the action. Fighting in a kwoon or class is not the same as fighting for your life. You can't pull your punch in a real fight, because that hessitation will get you hurt. If you are not the type of person that feels confident in promoting an action to inflict pain on your attacker, you will lose, and most likely make the attacker more enraged. Going toe to toe with a male who is intending bodily harm is difficult because (A) they are psychologically impaired which means they most likely have a high tolerence for pain... (B) They have done this before and have already planned how they are going to attack (C) They don't have any remorse for the action they are about to commit. (D) they have the element of surprise. (E) They don't have any fear. This makes for a deadly combo when provoked. If you don't have the skills to effectively disable the attacker immidiately or if grabbed the ability to grapple him into submission, you are going to be a victim or possiblly dead. Hand to Hand combat is not for the weak of heart. Kicking at a attackers balls bad idea because chances are they will be expecting it. Unless you are well trained in take down and disable techniques Going toe to toe with your attacker is a bad idea.

Here are some pointers:

1. When walking alone always be aware of your surroundings and be on guard. Try to stay in populated areas. Don't walk around with a big purse!!

2. Carry a keychain pepper spray or boiled down hobanaro peppers strained and poured into a bottle with a stream spray aim for face. (It is quite effective)

3. Always have a cell phone, ready to dial 911 even if you can't talk to the operator try to yell out location.

4. Sharpened #2 pencil concelled in sleve ram into side of neck, ear or eye.

5. This one is going to sound disgusting, last resort crap yourself get it on your hands. Most attackers will be repulsed and leave you alone. Hopefully they don't have a fecies fetish.

If your being abused at home, I can tell you this situation NEVER gets better unless something pretty drastic happens. Which eventually could be the ultimate price of your life. The violence each time escalates because the abuser needs to gain more control, the more you fight back the the more volital the situation becomes. I have had to interceed in such domestic situations where there wasn't an option to leave because of fear, intimadation, or just because the system had failed them to the point that they had lost all trust in it. Rendering them helpless to get away. They say violence begets violence and that statement is most accurate when it comes to dealing with a woman or child abuser. The funny thing is if a male stands up to the abuser, in defense for the women, the abuser will usually back down and make light of the situation calming down or he will attack with a viciousness. Then once the protector is gone it not only goes back to the same song and dance but, now they think that the female is unfaithful. That is when I would get a call to rememdy the situation. Not by the woman being abused... but, by the family or friends and on occassion my friends who were aware that their intervention would only cause more problems. I know this sounds barbaric but, I have had great success with my "treatments", which are just as brutal and degrading as the abusers treatment has been towards their wife. There isn't any explanation that they can give for busted out teeth, black eyes, broken noses, cuts and abrasions that they can give me to "calm the situation" my moto is you reap what you sew. No compassion, No remorse, Nothing except the pain that they have given. Physically and Mentally I can break someone down quick especially when I view the damage they have caused with their abuse. I also made a point of showing up random to make sure no new bruises or damage was being done. I would of course let them know after I got done giving them a taste of their own medicine that I would be doing so as long as I felt there was a need to do so. If I had seen more damage, let's put it this way.... by the time it would take for them to heal and have the ability to walk again their family was long gone and safe. I have a lot of friends who are more than willing to assist in placement and rehabilitation, for families in such situations. To my surprise there were several individuals that would come up to me in stores or a job site and tell me they were seeking therapy and trying to control their issues of abuse, and that they were actually grateful that I did what I did. I was told that it was a life altering experience, that had a diffrent effect then if a male, family member, or police had done the same. Not, all of them were receptive. Their families are out of state or far enough away they won't be able to lay hands on them again.

If someone you know is being abused, please don't ignore the situation. The bruised and battered face you see today could be the face you'll miss tomorrow. Don't assume because it has happened before and she hasn't left.. that "she must like it" I have heard people say ignorant statements like that and it makes me think "Would you like it?, would you know what to do if it happened to you?" It isn't just a beating of the body, it is a beating of the mind, self esteem and their perception on how they view relationships and the over all outlook of human interactions. It takes a lot of understanding, support, therapy to regain everything that abuse can cost. If you are not able to find help for yourself or someone else that is being abused. Please E-Mail me at alee198@hotmail.com I WILL find the help you need.