I've done it before and I am doing it yet again! I must once more defend my gender, initiate the innocent and educate the ignorant. First, I had to clue in that cutie, Bredavies when she listed how men annoy her. (In fact, my response to her stirred up a lot of attention!) We have since kissed and made up and I later learned women are sometimes sort of right.

I wrote a hub about that, in fact. You have to be fair, right? When a lady is not entirely wrong you have to admit it.

Then, I found something on another website written by a fellow Associated Content writer. I had to respond to her antique attitudes next. There wasn't a lot of flack after that hub because the woman from AC doesn't write hubs, I

guess. (Well, that and since I tend to write what I want instead of what I think will get me a lot of traffic I am often under the radar.)

Next I found myself having to respond to my third woman, Mad Me, Teddybear1000, and second hubber. Generally, when I "respond" to a woman the results are a lot more enjoyable than this was. Still, someone has to indoctrinate the innocent and educate the ignorant as to the mysterious ways of the penis-bearers.

So be it. It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it. (The hub that resulted is still in my top ten "hot" hubs as I write this.)

I am no counselor but I do have the proper "genitallic credentials". I made that crystal clear in a previous hub. Still, there are some basic facts of life that girls don't get. So, once again, I find myself having to straighten out another fellow hubber, the second fellow AC writer as well as the fourth woman(lindaoffigan).

(Honestly, I'd rather be asking her what kind of panties she is wearing right NOW, if she would share her cell number or if she likes it when a man runs his tongue all over her from the nape of her neck down to her BUT, I digress. . .)

Here is my response to "Sex or Love - Men Just Don't Get It".

NOTE:The female complaints and comments appear in italicized font and quotes. I will address each complaint in the order in which

they were posted in my normal font. (Also please note that I do not always correct the typos and spelling errors of others.)

Okay, good-looking, just what is it that we men don't get specifically? Let's get to it.

"Sex or Love - Men Just Don't Get It."

Please, elaborate.

"Why Don't Men Understand Women?"

Uh, maybe because we men are from Mars and y'all don't have a penis? No, Wait. I think I've got it.

I mean "Men Are From Mars, Women are Are From Venus"? Wasn't that a book? What were you saying now?

"Many women think that men do not understand women because they confuse love with sex."

I beg to differ. I have run into many women who don't understand love and sex. Women on dating sites are telling us they don't want a man who wants sex but if they want a monogomous relationship they are going to have to have sex, right? If you love a guy you're gonna have sex with him. If you like a guy you are still gonna have sex with him. So you need to explain more here. If I think your long blonde hair and pretty eyes make you sexy I am

going to let you get into my pants. If you love me I might let you get into my pants, too, right?

"Men do not do a lot of research like women before they get into a relationship."

What? How much research can y'all actually DO when statistically you know within the first few minutes of meeting a guy whether or not he is gonna get any? What exactly are you researching?

"If the chemistry (physical) is there as well as the visuals (pleasing body shape) they strike up a conversation and thinks that the relationship is done once the two of them hit the sack."

Au contrair, blondie! The "relationship" is only "done" once we hit the sack IF you are horribly, horribly, terribly bad at it . . . which really says a lot because you know how we are, right? Sex or lovemaking -(I differentiate by speed and lack of gentleness)- is like PIZZA to us . . . even when it's BAD it's good! Surely you can't be that terrible, can you?

"Women think more emotional about the relationship and most of them could care less like Shania Twain if he looks like Brad Pitt or not."

"Bitch, please!" If you did not care if we looked like Brad Pitt or not then ANY guy could have ANY girl he wants. Research some dating websites. Do you know how many women care about specifics such as age, race,

height, weight, tattoos, and facial hair?!? (The real joke is some of these women post pics that make you wonder HOW the hell they think they can afford to be so picky! Still, that is another hub!) All those things I mentioned above ALL have to do with looks!

"Most women are looking for men who will care for them dearly . . ."

Again, I direct you to the singles dating site of your choice. You better take that survey again . . . if you truly took one in the first place. I will agree that

women who are no longer "prime choice" sometimes give the impression they don't want "players" but even those women often include a laundry list of specific physical requirements.

". . . and communicate with them once in a while."

Define "once in a while"? Do grunts count? How about simple, monosyllabic responses? What about anything that comes out of our mouths between after we "unload" our love

deep inside you and before we roll over and go to sleep? Does that count? Be specific!

"Since men have this visual thing going on, it is surprising that the less than attractive women get their attention at all."

I already proved y'all care about looks, too.

"Less than attractive women" fall under the category: Any Port In A Storm. So, don't worry. They'll get theirs . . . maybe just not as quickly as YOU.

Here is another clue, darling. I personally feel that even though I could go on a website and design and purchase what I might consider the "perfect" women in terms of looks I know what's what!

I know that the MOST attractive woman is the one who WANTS me and makes a genuine effort to show me that.

You can have a perfect body and the most hideous, egotistic personality and YOU are going to have to put more effort into raising "the man-monster" than a less than perfect woman who truly, truly WANTS me!

"As they say, there is a man for every woman and more likely than not, the woman will be the one that accepts him regardless of his shortcomings."

If women would accept us for our (so-called) shortcomings I would not ever have to respond to hubs like this one, would I?

"The woman will accept a man with his shortcomings as long as he . . . "

Oh, okay. It's conditional. I get it. The love of a woman is conditional.

". . . is faithful and is not spreading his love around."

Okay, so the condition is you will accept us as long as we enable your selfishness. I got it. So you don't want a man like Jesus H. Christ who loved all women, is that it? No wonder mom always hoped I'd marry a good church girl!

"Most men will not agree to relationship counseling or relationship help because they think that a party

outside of the two in the relationship is not qualified to correct a relationship problem."

I agreed to relationship counseling when I was MARRIED. My now "EX" got an appointment for us with this woman who was old enough to be my grandmother. Yeah, I don't think I want to talk about a lot of details with a woman whose "vajayjay" -(damn Oprah)- was last in working order

when The Flintstones walked the earth. Yeah, qualifications could be a RELEVANT issue!

"So relationship therapy is out of the question as most men will rather leave the relationship than to "talk" in relationship theraphy."

Wait. You want me involved in something so complicated you can't spell it? Next!

"Because men do not like to talk . . ."

Sometimes we like to talk. Maybe the real issue is the time, place and/or subject. Maybe it is also a matter of to WHOM we speak.

" . . .it is difficult to figure men out and answer the question. Why don't men understand women?"

We don't understand you because y'all are complicated. (See the t-shirt on a recent hub of mine for a clue.) We don't understand y'all because even though you are humanoid you are really different. Which is a GOOD thing sometimes because I sure don't know the first thing about giving a BJ and if I am gonna hump a hienie I would prefer it be smooth and sexy.

If y'all weren't different I would have to consult my two gay irish fans, Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald . . . or at the very least, fellow hubber, Somelikeitscott. (If you have read every single one of my hubs I am sorry for the repitition but since I no longer work in the adult industry I don't have a lot of gay friends.)

"No one seems to be able to get willing participants for a scientific study and relationship therapy seem out of the question."

I think it would be easy to get guys to participate. You just need the right incentives. pay them something for their time and travel expenses then offer them free alcohol, free porno or sports tickets and some free, clean poontang . . . something like that. It would work!

"One woman said . . . more likely than not, the man is not going to bear his soul."

Blame society. Blame yourselves. A lot of you liked the "bad boys" when you were young and hot and you would NOT have looked twice at a sensitive guy who would bare his soul. So blame yourselves.

"Women, after a sexual encounter and giving themselves to her lover feels a closeness that make her think that she

an discuss the most intimate details of her life with her lover."

Okay, if I read (and then correctly mentally edited) the above sentence correctly, you are saying that once we have boinked you, you think it's okay to just tell us anything and everything. (Actually there is ONE woman who wrote a hub about things you DON'T have to tell men but you obviously have not read that so we will continue.) Yeah, that is NOT always a good idea BUT we won't stop you. We may not hear you--

"The woman must be careful however, because the man having gotten his pleasure is more than likely dozing off, already sleep or just not listening."

Well, yeah, but you can still talk all you want. Besides, baby, if you get into my pants and I am NOT exhausted afterwards that isn't really a good thing. If I can get up, raid your fridge and go home to watch reruns of "The Family Guy" then YOU are not doing your job properly, missy. I'm over four decades old! I should barely be able to crawl off you!

"Men do not understand men because they do not like to talk things over in regards to a relationship."

We don't understand men!? Was that a typo? We can't really "talk things over in regards to a relationship" if we are not aware that we have one.

Okay, what else? What is your next issue?

"The Difference Between Love and Sex"

Go on . . .

"The difference between love and sex have a tremendous bearing on why men do not understand women."

Why do you think that?

"Women are in the relationship for love and men are in the relationship for sex, plain and simple."

That is simply NOT true! We would not be in "a relationship" just for sex . . . in fact, we don't HAVE to be "in a relationship" for anything! There are

plenty of women out there who could care less about "a relationship" and just want a little bit of "nudge-nudge, wink-wink", ya know what I mean? If we are "in a relationship" it could be that we DO love you . . . or we have been brainwashed or are brain-dead or retarded (I don't care if it's PC or not) or somehow mentally defective or really, really naive!

"Have a man ever explained to you what love was once he told you those

three magic words or did he promptly lead you to the bedroom like he had just paid his ticket."

Wow. First of all, I have NEVER, ever had to say those three magic words to get a woman naked; thank you very much! Secondly, If men have to PAY for a ticket that makes you a whore. In which case, you shouldn't get emotionally involved with your customers. (I never had to pay for sex either by the way. The women who date ME don't ever have to pay for sex either . . . just promise to respect me in the morning and shove a burger down my throat first!)

"The word commitment must be mentioned too, because love brings commitment to the relationship . . . "

Commitment? Sorry? I understand about being committed. that has to do with being straight-jacketed, right? They do that to insane people, right?

". . . and few men are willing to give up their freedom for just one visitor to his bedroom."

"Few men"? You only need one, right? Besides, I never expect women who take ME to bed to commit to me after one "ride". They often WANT to but I do NOT expect or require commitment after seducing me just once.

"Just look at the differences between the bachelor parties and the bridal showers. At the bachelor parties the bridegroom is supposedly attending his last and greatest party complete with half naked strange women as in strippers."

You're a girl. How do YOU truly know what goes on at a REAL bachelor party? Surely you have never attended one. I'm sorry but hearsay is not admissible in this court.

"Women are busy at the bridal shower trying to find something blue for reasons they do not know but to be

in sync with the old saying. Very seldom do you see half naked men at bridal showers."

Bridal shower?  Is that anything like a GOLDEN shower?  Never having been to a bridal shower I will simply have to take your word for it. Still, should you not have compared a bachelor party to a bachelorette party? (Not that I think you've ever BEEN to a bachelor party, as I said.)

"Bridal showers may as well be a Tupperware party compared with the bridgegroom's last fling."

Maybe . . . but again, comparing a bachelor party (as you imagine one to be) to a bridal shower is like comparing apples to oranges.

"The bridegroom do not want to give up his freedom to play and have fun."

Then why would he be getting married? Why did he pay all that money for an engagement ring and propose and sit through all that wedding prep nonsense about invitations and flowers and tuxedos and locations and whom to invite and photographers and --"Bitch, please!"

"The bride has already figured out how many children they are going to have and probably have picked out names."

Yeah. She probably has done ALL that without even ASKING her future ex-husband-to-be if HE even WANTS kids at all let alone consult him about the names! That's NOT a good thing!

"So you see, men and women are very different and this difference is why it is so difficult for the sexes to understand each other."

I don't need to understand you. You don't need to understand me all that well. Just take care of some basics for me.

When I am hungry, Feed me; when I am thirsty Find me something to drink and when I am horny, F- uh - find a couple of minutes to give me pleasure! As long as those things are taken care of I won't stress understanding things like why you think YOU are always RIGHT and I am always WRONG and all those other delusions y'all seem to share.

"Later on in the marriage once the status quo has set in and you think the forty days of sex is a joke, then cohabitation began as the man and woman live together harmoniously if not in great imagined bliss."

Oh. I was not even aware we were talking just about being in a marriage. Did I not make it clear a lot of us don't want to get married in the first place? (You will have to explain "the forty days of sex" thing. I expect and, indeed, get more than 40 days in any deal/relationship/friendship I have with a woman. i GET it, too!)

"Men thinks that sex is the answer to their love jones and women thinks that love conquers all as the saying goes."

Wasn't that actually two sayings? (Maybe not.) My ding-a-ling generally conquers all, too, so maybe we are not so different sometimes.

"If women reads publication after publication of Cosmopolitan and is set

on getting her sexual IQ to that of a man, will that effort level the playing field?"

I can't comment on the "Cosmo" thing. Sorry. I am saving that for another hub. I WILL say I have dated women who do a lot of those supposed secret tricks on a regular basis . . . and ONE of those women is OVER 50! More on that in another hub . . . someday.

"If men read novel after novel of romantic fancies, will that effort level the playing field?"

I am not so sure the playing field has to be leveled. Would my reading romance novels help? Who knows?

Aren't they all different? If they are NOT, then WHY should ANYone read them?

"It is good that both men and women are on the same playing field but it is obvious that the two are playing too very different games."

I think the problem is that there truly IS only one game. The problem is that some women want to play the long, drawn out version. Even Monopoly has a SHORTer version, ladies.

"Men are playing for sex equal loves equation and women are playing for love equal a relationship forevever equation."

Wait. First we were gonna play a game--that's fun! NOW you wanna do MATH? that's not fun. Besides, don't you listen to your barbie doll? "Math is hard!" The only math i am interested in is "taking away" your clothes, "dividing" your thighs, "adding" something of mine to something of yours and PRACTICING "multiplying".

"There are no parallel in such a relationship and the only hope is to coexist respecting each other differences."

Okay. That could work. As long as you respect me in the morning and don't

tell your girlfriends about my sucking your toes, your two-way vibrating strap on, the anal beads and butt plugs you whipped out while I was handcuffed and tied to your bed OR the spankings then I will put out. (Well, it'd be nice if you buy me dinner, too, of course!)

"Men will rarely be so in love with a woman that he will tear up over losing her in a relationship."

What do you expect us to "tear up"? Our little black books? or did you mean cry? (I covered the sensitive guy thing earlier.)

"Men are . . . still told not to show their emotions while women are allowed to weep and wail to their heart's content as a feminine way of showing joy and sadness."

See? I told you that earlier . . . sort of . . . and that girl thing of crying when you are HAPPY? We HATE that. I mean, sure, it's a relief when we find you are NOT crying over something you IMAGINED WE DID but it is still annoying. Crying does NOT equate with HAPPY!

"Men do not understand women because it was just not meant to be. Such an understanding would make life too easy for women but women still need a man to love so they try to keep the monologue going."

Nah. the only time you need a monologue is if you are auditioning for a show. You don't have to talk at all if you take care of everything ELSE for us! One more time: When we are hungry, Feed us; when we are thirsty Find us something to drink and when we are horny, F- uh - find a couple of minutes to give us pleasure!

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.