I've done it before, folks. I have set the record straight when my gender was attacked at least twice. Once, I had to clue in a cutie named Bredavies when she made a list of how men annoy her. (In fact, my response to her stirred up way too much attention!) We kissed and made up and I learned women are on occasion sort of right.

I wrote a hub about that, too. Hey, you have to be fair about these things, you know? When a woman is sorta right you have to let her know.

Then, I came across something on another website written by a fellow Associated Content writer. I simply had to set her straight, too.

This was more enjoyable as she isn't one of us here at hub-pages. Although she has no picture posted with her article I doubt she is anywhere near as cute as Bredavies, or as wonderful and original as my boss, Cooke2cook.

Maybe I am wrong but I doubt it. I

know one thing for sure; I seriously doubt she ever wears a sexy super-hero costume like our very own Mighty Mom.

Now I don't claim to be an expert. In fact, I have confessed that in a previous hub. Still, there are some basic things that women don't get. So, once again, I find myself having to straighten out a member of the fairer sex. (Truly, I would much rather be asking her if she paints her toenails, what kind of panties she is wearing, if

she would e-mail me pics or if she likes it when a man kneels naked behind her and sticks his tongue deep inside her BUT, I digress. . .)

Here then, is my response to "What are the things that bother you about the opposite sex? by Mad Me!"

NOTE:The female complaints and comments appear in italicized font and quotes. I will address each complaint in the order in which they were posted in my normal font.

(Also please note that I do not always correct the typos and spelling errors of others.)

"The first thing is that men seem to think that honesty is a way different word and or its definition certainly is. . . ie its a need to know basis and you don't need to know."

I don't know, Mad, maybe you need to date men who have actually graduated high school. Those of us who have an education know the definition of honesty. Mind you, honesty doesn't necessarily mean full disclosure. There are plenty of boring things in our lives that we don't want to burden you little heads with, honey.

Don't misunderstand our good intentions!

"Why is it that they think they can just slip out of something when it suits them?"

This one is simple. We are not always good at planning. Most men have to worry about things like WORK.

Single fathers also need to worry about spending time with their kids. I'm sure you wouldn't complain about women on singles sites saying their kids are first, right?

Besides, if we don't concentrate on our jobs and our kids you will say we are lazy, lack ambition and are bad fathers. So, there you go. We just aren't the best of planners sometimes with all the other responsibilities you agree we should have.

"How about the one that says " I FORGOT OR DID YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT" of course we did. . ."

Wait. So what are you saying? With all the pressures of worrying about work and our children that we are NOT permitted to forget? That seems unfair. Yes, sometimes we did not know that you wanted to know everything.

"We as women need to know everything!!!! The whole 9 yards and more if we can. Every sordid detail is required to be known by the female species and if you understand that it

will go along way to help your communication."

Well, gee, if you would tell us these things on a first date maybe we would not have a SECOND date. . . no, just kidding. I mean, maybe we would be prepared. By the way, isn't communication something that occurs between more than one person? Shouldn't it go a long way to help OUR communication? Freudian slip there, maybe? Please continue.

"We have this thing called "SIXTH SENCE" and although sometime its a blessing it's can also be a curse because we will catch you out!!!"

You will catch me out? Out where? I personally don't go out alone very much if at all. You will have a hard time catching ME out.

"We just know then things are not right or if you may have been up to something your should not have. I would prefer you to be honest I might get mad but not nearly as mad if you did not tell me."

I'm not sure I am following you here. You "know then things are not right"? Okay.

As far as being up to something--oh, please!   If you are doing everything with me and to me to keep me happy then WHY would I need to go anywhere ELSE?

(Wait . . . be honest now, Mad, honey, you're not one of those "just-licks-it-around-the-edges" girls, are you? Are you? I sure hope not!)

You're not one of those girls who traps a guy with Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie and Cover Girl make up then downgrades to dirty t-shirts, grey granny panties and cold cream, are you? Gee, I sure hope not!)

So was that honest enough? What's your next issue with men?

"Then there is trust and the issue of sex! Now when you have been on your own and or have come out of a relationship, you might find especially for women that trust is an issue.

Then we make the great mistake of letter our guides down and have sex with you!!!!"

Mad, honey, trust me, no woman I have ever made love to has ever considered it a mistake. Maybe you just slept with that one bad apple. . . the exception to the rule, if you will.

(Do you have my e-mail? if you ever make it to the states?  I'm very accommodating!)

"You need to get this!!!!! When a women has sex with a man she forms an emotional bond to him!!! YES WE DO~!!!!!"

Seriously? You DO? You mean every woman who has ever seduced me and had her way with me LOVES me or something? REALLY? In 2009? You sure about that? I mean, yeah, I am the kind of person who has to at least LIKE you before I would let you get into my pants but you sure EVERY woman who has had her way with me formed an emotional bond with me? Really? I don't know about that. Go on . . .

"This now changes our whole perspective of a relationship . . ."

Wait. HERE is the problem. Just because a guy lets you get him drunk and get into his pants doesn't mean he now is in a relationship with you. I can't tell you how many women have taken advantage of me and later just tossed me aside like an old orange peel and all because I thought just because they had sex with me they wanted to be my forever lover.

". . . and if you are not honest and truthful . . ."

I don't think anyone is thinking of honesty or truth when I am naked in their beds. if a man can think of anything but YOU in bed then maybe you need to put some more effort into it.

"We do expect more from you!"

You expect more from us? What do you expect?

Hell, when a woman gets me drunk and seduces me into bed I am happy if she doesn't steal my wallet and lets me shower before I get up and go home. Please, continue. . .

"We do await that phone call that sometimes never comes. Have you any concept of how that feels!"

First of all, you need to educate yourself regarding the Guy Rule about phone calls. The rule says we have to wait three days before we call you. If we would call you sooner then you would think we were wimps and were

desperate and p*ssy-whipped (providing we even GOT p*ssy, of course).

You could avoid that feeling if you just knew how things are. If you NEVER get a call then just accept that he wasn't that into you . . . and if he WAS (ahem) into you . . . and it was GOOD then he will probably be back for more eventually. if you did a good job, honey, he might need time to recuperate. (I know I sometimes need time to recover after being with MY lady friend.) Finally, don't forget, the guy has WORK and KIDS and responsibilites, too, so give him time for that, too.

"Women are not like you at all . . ."

Well, yeah, I know that. If y'all were like us I'd have to learn how to get used to pumping a HAIRY butt or at the very least give a BJ. (I'd be checking with someone like somelikeitscott.)

"(We) . . . cannot just dismiss things as a night of fun."

Oh, trust me, mad, if it truly WAS fun you won't have to dismiss things as A

night of fun. there will be another one and another . . . as long as it truly IS fun. See, you really need to ask yourself if HE truly had fun.

If he truly DID he will want more. (I know the women I have been with have never dismissed ME as just "a night of fun".)

"We are emotional beings unfortunately for us . . ."

Yes, you are, indeed, emotional beings. Since I am just AGREEING with a woman on this the other chicks out there can't give me crap for saying it. Thanks, Mad.

"If you want to have sex with a women think first!!!!"

Honestly, mad, you expect too much! If you are cute enough that I want to have sex with you I CANNOT think AT ALL! (That's how I got my youngest son!)

"Be open and honest up front . . . "

I don't know. I have always been "honest up front" . . .

". . . and you might not have a clingy female on your hands for time to come!"

The operative word there is MIGHT. I have dated women who have clung to me like Saran-Wrap once they got me into their beds . . . some before . . . mind you, one of them is committed (to a hospital) on a regular basis but still. . .

Okay, anything else you need to vent about regarding men?

"Then there is the toilet roll!!!! Please, Please explain to it why men cannot or will not change that darn roll when it's finished."

Okay. First of all, you are working under a false presumption. We men CAN change the roll. Whether or not we DO is an individual issue. Personally, I always change the roll IF I know where you are storing it. If we HUNT for it then you'll think we are being a bit too nosy, right? Survey the women who have taken me to their beds and pleasured me to the point

where I have to spend the night. These real women will tell you I change the roll (if need be) once I finally find the strength to crawl out of their beds.

"They will take the time to place it on the floor, window cill or anywhere else where it should not be. Why is this!!! Its beyond me and it;s not that it;s complicated and cannot be done. 

This is probably one of the easiest things to master you remove the holder, take off empty roll and replace it with the new roll. Then put holder back into place - WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT THAT! YOU DO NOT NEED A DEGREE!!!!!""

Actually, Mad, sometimes it IS complicated. Notice you did not specify the most important detail in your so-called easy instructions. We sometimes don't know if you truly

prefer to hang it the proper way, with the paper hanging down on the outside or if you like it that f*cked up way, hanging down the back behind the roll. For all WE know the last guy you had over put it on wrong, right?

Or if you have a cat you might want it on the wrong way because you cannot

properly discipline your pet and keep the thing from screwing with your toilet paper. Maybe you are just so cute and sexy that we cannot stand to be away from you that long so we rush back to your bed without thinking about something as silly as the toilet paper.

Maybe our minds are still so cloudy from taking you in or arms and hugging you and kissing you and

making wild monkey-love to you that we are unable to think straight. See? it could be all your fault! You are just so lovable and incredible in bed that we simply cannot think straight sometimes.

Anytime I f*ck up I know that's MY reason. I love you and worshipyou so much I just can't think at all sometimes! Yeah; that's it. . .

"They just seen to think that its not important. WELL GUYS CATCH A WAKE UP IT IS~!!!!!!"

Oh, no, Mad, it's NOT important. . .not when compared to being in your arms once more and gazing into your eyes and whispering our love into your ear.

I AM confused about something though . . . how exactly does one "catch a wake up", anyway? never mind, it's not as important as returning to your side to worship every inch of your body.

See? Sometimes you have to be more specific and more importantly understand our priorities.

Personally, I believe in boinking a woman so hard she doesn't know which way is up let alone remember which way she wants the toilet paper to hang.

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.