THE SIGNS do not appear in any order, they ebb and flow like a tide. They appear in a glint of sunlight between the leaves, or the motion of a river, the laughter of children, or an eagle in the sky. Photos can share but not convey the experience. It is in the the sights and sounds, the legends and history, of time and place. Sometimes, it's important to idealize, because the light of hope and ideals is probably what carry us all through more dismal times.

THIS SUMMER it was my privilege to join a group of First Nations respected elders and youth on a canoe journey along the Harrison River in British Columbia. It was to retrace the steps of their Coast Salish ancestors as they would have travelled with the seasons, fishing, socializing, gathering their harvests, setting up camps. This would 'awaken the spirit' of the land and its aboriginal people, helping youth to reclaim their heritage and traditional values.

MY SOCIAL WORK AGENDA was to network, to listen and learn, to build cultural competence working with First Nations youth in my work as a child and youth clinical therapist. (Western theory and models of psychiatric treatment are notoriously culture and gender biased, although becoming more progressive). But something deeper was urging me along and appeared to me in signs throughout the week; unmistakable signs that I was on a spiritual journey of my own.

LIKE FALLING IN LOVE spiritual feelings are hard to describe. Also like love, a spiritual flame can be dampened even snuffed out by doubts and conflict, contempt, betrayal, suffering and despair. Its happened off and on to me many times. So watch for the signs of spiritual life around you. Seek and you shall find.

HUMILITY

Singing and drumming as they near the shoreline of a new camp, travellers raise their paddles high to display a symbol of their clan. They respectfully declare their purpose and ask permission to land from the chief and counsel who, anticipating their arrival will have gathered to meet them. With five or six long boats, this can be a prolonged event. It is a great test of humility to set aside one's hunger, leg cramps, cold and fatigue, placing the respect of other's 'space' above one's own physical needs. Upon landing however, the people's generosity is gregarious. Food and water are shared and shelter is provided. Bonds of trust are made and in that moment love prevails.

SOLITUDE

I crawled into my tent early the first night too exhausted to join the pleasing music and campfire stories. I was also aware of not being joined to this community by any personal relations, common genealogy, culture or history. I personified the legacy of colonial presence on this land, with all its aggressive, imperialistic and moral mistakes. How could I call upon the spirit of 'all my relations' in the traditional welcome and closure of our group's daily prayers and talking circle? These thoughts brought solitude which was both troubling and comforting. As a professional with social work training, I was troubled by my complicity with forms of institutional racism with which I am affiliated, troubled by religious and social systems that have marginalized and sometimes brutalized Canada's aboriginal people. And yet, another part of me was restful and content, because I had chosen to distance myself for the moment from those bonds. Solitude is not to be feared or avoided, even if it is not of your choosing. In this strange solitude , paradoxically, I felt joined to the grand scheme of things, the forward motion of life and history .

COURAGE

It takes courage to be fully present in a world that condemns or has contempt for one's culture and values. It was courage I witnessed in the blessing and launch of the Spirit of Katzie . About 40 feet long or more and modeled on traditional travel canoes, it would have carried entire families, children, elders and camping needs to various settlements along the river that featured in their way of life.

It was courage I witnessed among the group to embark on the journey itself, courage to trust each other's commitment, courage to volunteer, courage among the sweetest of young men and women who struggle alone to meet their vocational and basic living needs in the city. It takes courage to search, to persist, to navigate a new future.

Most importantly, this courage was nourished by a conviction of faith in a substantial spiritual life. It is not a faith of social convention displayed only on Sunday morning. The entire trip was imbued with a reverence for life, the life of a river, of a tree, of the land, of the hands that built the canoe, of those who paddle in her, of those who lived and worked and died in this land through the ages.

Here, the eagle carries a spiritual life force, much as the sacred dove in Christian terms. And we see her circling above us as we gather and when we paddle. It is ultimately this faith that sustains and revives the people to courage on their spiritual journey.

VISION

In the mottled sunlight dancing between red, ochre and forest green leaves one is reawakened to the kind and playful whims of nature. I liken it to the burning bush although I hear no voices, only a conviction, a presence that assures me that yes, you are here in the right place at the right time, for a purpose as it is meant to be. How so I wonder? But there is no answer, and none is required.

BELONGING

These tee pees were set up and dismantled each time we moved to another community. The young people slept here in girl tents and boy tents, and we learned something of how they were traditionally constructed and sanctified. Yes, housing was sanctified - by reverence shown to the spirit of the eagle and to ancestors, by respect for the ground and duties to keep it clean, by certain protocols involving the poles and the location of doorways.

Such contrast between these activities and our prevailing urban ways! The former leads to a sense of belonging and self esteem, the latter seems to be disintegrating social bonds, isolating families and individuals to fend for themselves without pity as we plainly see on the city streets.

REVELATION

By this I refer to insight, or enlightenment, to reflect in the mirror darkly, to glimpse something transcendent which is a real force in history and in our daily lives. I think this is an intellectual experience that follows a profound emotional or sensory experience, perhaps even a shock or a traumatic event. The experience sheds light on, well, the meaning of life. As Leonard Cohen writes 'there is a crack, a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in".

ENDURANCE

There is an old fir tree, perhaps several hundred years old, once underwater as was much of this coastline. Look at the bulging splitting old trunk and behold the lush canopy that it provides, shelter the insects, animals and birds that nest and feed there; not to mention still aesthetic and functional to campers. How fragile and disposable that little car appears beside the noble tree. Comparing them, I relate more to the short lived little car but I aspire to the strength and stoic beauty of that giant tree.