If you've had a baby, then you're probably all too aware of the fact that there's absolutely nothing sexy about the way you feel once all is said and done.  Let's just face it, not only are you sore and swollen, but you're tired, and parts of your body that were once meant for love making are now the sole property of this tiny human.  You are filled with love and maternal instinct, but facts are facts...your man is STILL a man. 

With my first child I gained a staggering 65 pounds, I was F-A-T...no 'ph' involved.  But for some reason, my husband was ready to go within the week - knowing full well we had to wait.  Let me just paint a picture for you, my first baby was a beautiful, healthy, baby boy with a FIFTEEN inch head...You heard me...15 inches.  I was torn from stem to stern and had to be sewn back up....tragic.  When I asked the doctor how many stitches I had, I was told, "well, basically it's one long stitch.  I'm sewing." 

I will never forget the 'post baby' sensation that occured in "that" area.  I could barely sit down.   And in addition to that, I was feeling very "blech" about my body.  My rolls had rolls and I was NOT happy about it.  When I went to buy jeans for the first time, and ended up in the plus size section -  I wanted to die.  Still, my husband kept asking, "how long, how long?" 

After about four weeks, I decided to let him 'try'.  That was HUGE mistake.  I nearly came out of my skin.  He was gracious about it and agreed to wait longer still...then, after about six weeks (the doctors don't just make that stuff up), in the middle of a move, living out of suitcases, and sleeping on a bed that wasn't our own, we were successful --- VERY successful.  It was perhaps the best sex on record.  Now don't get me wrong, I was still as fat and self-conscious as ever, and we were 'doing it' in total darkness...but it was oh so good. 

I felt terrible and depressed for months (not postpartum, but self induced) It took a long time before I didn't dread looking at myself in the mirror after a shower...and HOLY COW, bending over to put a towel on my hair, and glancing down at my body as it hung low, swinging over the floor like the teets of a mother goat {some of you ladies know what I'm talking about....when you bend the waist and your boobs and post baby belly sags down till it's almost touching the floor} was really difficult for me...the only positive thing I could say about my body was that I didn't get stretch marks...bittersweet.  But that lack of stretch marks certainly didn't make me want to jump in the sack.

My second baby was less eventful.  I had lost the majority of my weight and was beginning to see my abs again (about six months after my first baby was born) when I found out I was pregnant again.  I only gained 28 pounds with the second baby, but nonetheless, didn't feel all that 'sexy' after all was said and done. 

My second baby, another boy, was born 'face presented' (something you don't see every day) and all natural...I had no epidural, no nothin'.  Because he was face presented, he was stuck on my pelvic shelf and the doctor had me turned around, hugging the back of my hospital bed, sort of squatting as I pushed....Now there's a pretty picture...my big butt in the air with a giant spotlight on it while every doctor, nurse, and intern in the hospital stood around and watched (I told you 'face presented' was rare...as such, the whole danged hospital had to come and see). 

Needless to say, NOT sexy.  But this time, I was determined to get my sex drive back faster.  After all, gotta keep that man happy.  So, as soon as my feet hit the floor, I got active.  I walked, and in two weeks, I started doing crunches in the floor.  I gradually progressed until, within four weeks, I was feeling pretty good about myself -  Which made me feel good about 'doing it'.  And, as you can imagine, THAT made my husband feel good too. 

Because of my experiences, and having been on both sides of the fence, I decided to put together a little "guide" to get past your post baby body, and your post baby yuck in order to feel sexy again.  Feeling sexy again is the first step toward 'getting back in the saddle.' 

First of all, don't rush yourself to feel better...if you're sore, you're sore - plain and simple...but don't let that be an excuse for just sitting around.  New parents are tired, but that baby will sleep around 20 of the 24 hours in a day...which means you have time for your sleep AND a little physical activity.  Put the baby in a stroller and go for a walk as soon as you're up to it.  Not only will you be doing good for your body, but you'll also be releasing endorphins that will make you feel good. 

Secondly, make it a team effort.  Let your spouse know what you're up to.  He'll be totally up for it if your sole purpose will mean more sex for him.  Making it a team effort will mean support for you (he'll be less likely to bring you a Big Mac after work, etc) and will also mean accountability.  Your teammate will hold you accountable for your activity, or lack thereof. 

Do it for baby.  Your new baby will require lots of energy in a few short months and you'll need to be able to keep up.  Not only that, but one of the best things you can do for your kids is to show them a strong and united 'you'.  That means, your relationship with your spouse, sexual and otherwise, should be a priority...that's not just me talking, that's Bible.

Take time to spoil yourself.  Far too many women let themselves go after they've had a baby.  DON'T.  This is major confidence deflator and a huge turn off...go get your hair done, get your nails done, wear clothes you like (even if they're a few sizes bigger than you used to wear).  You can't truly care for others if you're not caring for yourself.

Finally, talk to your doctor. If you talk to your doctor about your sex drive, or lack thereof, he or she will be able to provide you with advice and in some rare cases, medicine to help boost your desires. 

Your body can do amazing things...after all, you've just pushed a whole human being out of your hoo-ha.  You carried a whole person for a full nine months, and you did it well.  ((No man can make such a claim)).  Take some time to appreciate the scars and marks  that your miracle has left on your body...realizing how strong you are will motivate you to take action.  You owe it to yourself and your spouse. 

Sex should be a gift for both of you...make 'gift giving' a priority.