There are many things that men and women view differently. Our social conditioning and genetic make-up puts us at odds all the time. When it comes to sex this opposition in thinking leads to unfulfilled relationships and a lot of emotional turmoil.

For the sake of our sanity it’s time we hop into the same ‘bed’ when it comes to sex.

(A word of warning: This article is written specifically for couples in a committed relationship, the statement that for men ‘sex equals love’ does not hold true for the bachelor out on the prowl. Ladies you could work through all the positions in the Karma Sutra, it won’t make him love you! Once a man is in love however, sex becomes an integral part of his emotional well-being.)

Knowing A Man’s Mind: Sex Equals Love

Men are physical beings. They are genetically programmed to be action orientated and express their desires accordingly. When a man falls in love with a woman the urge to consummate becomes overwhelming. This is because a man feels the most connected to his love when they are having sex.

A husband who is ‘nagging’ his wife to have sex is actually asking for her love.

Sex equals love.

It is when he stops asking that you know your relationship is in real trouble.

When a man is feeling hurt or disconnected from his wife making love re-establishes that bond. That is why it is called ‘making love’.

This small fact seems to elude a majority of women in modern society. They seem to think it is perfectly fine (and normal even) to continually reject their husbands’ advances in the bedroom. What women don’t seem to realize is to a man saying ‘no to sex’ equates to saying ‘no to their love’. After years of rejection most men believe their wives simply do not love them anymore. It is during this period when men will leave, have affairs or just give up on life in general.

It does not matter what else you are doing for your husband if you constantly reject him in the bedroom he will feel that you don’t love him!

A healthy relationship contains a healthy sex life.

Now, this does not mean you have to become your husbands wanton sex slave in order to have a good relationship. What it does mean is that women have to start viewing sex in a different way. Your husband is not just trying to ‘get his rocks off’. (Well sometimes he is.) But mostly he is asking you for sex because a) he wants to love you b) he thinks you’re incredibly desirable and c) because he wants to feel that most intimate connection with you!

He is asking for you to love him.

Men are more fragile emotionally than women seem to understand. Just because men don’t often cry or express feelings verbally does not mean that women aren’t ripping their hearts out. For them sex is a way to express their deepest desires and love for their mate. Remember they are action orientated.

When women start withholding sex as a punishment for whatever is irritating them then their relationship is doomed.

Because: sex equals love. That means withholding sex equals withholding love.

It is the same scenario for a woman who suddenly views sex as an inconvenience. If sex equals love: then it is love that is an inconvenience.

Love should never be an inconvenience.

Knowing A Women’s Mind: Love Equals Sex

Women are controlled by their emotions. They are verbal communicators and express how they’re feeling in words not actions. For a woman to have the desire to have sex she must feel loved by her mate.

Love equals sex.

When a woman truly believes that her man loves her she begins to feel sexier and more ‘turned on’ physically. It is at this point that she will want to have sex. For women sex is not physical but mental. A woman will not have an orgasm unless her mind is ready to let go. You could use all manner of stimulating techniques but unless a woman is switched ‘on’ emotionally she won’t climax. It’s a matter of physiology.

So how do you switch a woman ‘on’? By showing your love for her.

We women really aren’t all that complicated. It does not take a lot of money or grand gestures for us to feel loved. It just takes thoughtfulness. If you want your wife to enjoy sex more often then make her feel sexy.

Leave love notes around the house or text her at work when she least expects it. Tell her you think she’s unbelievably hot. Tell her you’re counting the minutes till you get to see her again. Tell her that no woman has ever made you as happy as she does. For men who have difficulty expressing their feelings verbally this is a great way to do it.

Other things you can do include running her a bath with some candles to help her relax. Cook supper (or order in a gourmet meal if your cooking skills aren’t up to it) and make it a romantic affair. Send her flowers (they don’t have to be expensive!) or real. You could take a photo of flowers and email it to her.

Men cannot be complacent when it comes to romance if they desire a fulfilling sex life.

Women today, unfortunately, have many unrealistic expectations thrust upon them. The media tells us we are to look a certain way, act a certain way, and be a mother and a career woman. This all affects our self-esteem. Self-esteem is directly linked to how a woman feels about sex.

Sex involves nudity, trust and intimacy. It puts a woman in a vulnerable position, which is why they must feel loved in order to make love.

Boost your wife’s confidence and you boost your sex life.

Love equals sex. Romance equals love to a woman. Each partner has to give a little in order to create a wonderful relationship.

Children and Sex

One of the most common refrains from people whose sex life is suffering is that they are too tired to do the ‘horizontal mambo’. Children generally are the major excuse, er sorry, reason for this. What couples need to fully understand though is that sex is essential for a healthy relationship. It needs to become a priority not an afterthought!

A lot of women fall into the trap of defining themselves solely as a mother after they have children. What they have to remember is that they are also a wife and a sexual being. Their husbands too are not just fathers but men with desires and needs.

Children take up a lot of energy and time. They are exhausting. But the great thing about sex is that it produces endorphins and triggers adrenaline. No matter how tired you are if you can slowly start to touch your partner and open yourself to the idea of stimulation then your body will do the rest.

Endorphins counteract exhaustion.

They give you energy you never thought you had. The trick is being open to the idea of sex to begin with. Now you may not be swinging from the chandelier like you did when you were younger, but you can still enjoy the rush of climaxing together and the intimacy it produces.

Happy Endings

There are still many things that men and women don’t understand about each other and maybe never will. But if we can just come together on the sex issue we’ll all (at the very least) have smiles on our faces.