Sex On The First Night
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Women, Should You Have Sex On The First Night?
If It Is "Spur Of The Moment", Is Sex Good on The "First Night"?
Hello, I am a 30 year old married male. I would like to offer my individual male perspective of women having sex on the "first night".
I am not perfect, I have been "guilty" of this. From my perspective, it is not a good idea. Sex will most usually lead to emotions. Emotions will lead to irrational decisions. This is one of a few reasons it's not good to "give it up" on the first night.
Another reason from my perspective it's not a good idea: What If you get pregnant? Are you ready to have a kid with someone you just met? Not I, and thats what the "dad" will say.
Yet another reason: It may lead to future trust issues if you were to keep seeing the person you slept with. I personally would lack trust if believing, "if it only took one night with me, it would only take 1 night with someone else". This works both ways. If a guy trys to sleep with you on the first night, you think he has good morales?
With sex leading to irrational emotions, sex on the first night can confuse the mind. If you want to "go with the moment", feel free. I will not judge.
Just wanted to Offer my Male Perspective, Thank You for Reading.
Have You Had Sex On The First Night?
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Comments
Anytime, Thank You for reading.
I think teenagers today think that sex is part of the first date, as one constantly hear stories about the kids where I live, but it could just be as it's a small expat community and there's nothing much else for the kids to do except bonk each other.
I Agree, I worked in a bar that hired "teens". Most of them were pregnant or on drugs within 2-3 years. 1 overdosed. We are pretty jacked up right now.
If the question is "Should we?" the answer is definitely "No." Sex outside of marriage is a sin. So whether people do it or not the answer to the question is still "no."
James, not everyone in the bible were married when they had sex. God didn't kill them. Maybe this is why people do "it".
1 more James. If people didn't have sex before marriage, how do they know if they will like the sex after marriage. Sex or lack of oftenly causes divorces.
A lot of folks misunderstand what marriage is. It is not about sexual fulfillment or swooning romantic love. It is a decision—no, a commitment—to love (action verb there, not a "feeling") your spouse until one of you dies. And that means one must choose very carefully.
Have you not been married twice before James?
At least
I also believe in choosing carefully. People get divorced because people are not perfect. People change with time. Views change, personality changes, things change. I believe marriage once is optimum while it's not always possible. I also believe people give up too soon on some occasions with minimum efforts to sacrifice.
When one is young it is hard to be forgiving and easy to be prideful.
Young? I believe some people live their "entire" lives not understanding those 2 things.
I divorced my first wife (my high school sweetheart and mother of two of my children) for infidelity after ten years together and I shouldn't have.
There is no such thing as "shouldn't have" if you determine logical reason of it happening to get you where you are today.
What I mean is I acted on Pride and a lack of Forgiveness in my heart and I can now see clearly how it affected the lives of my children negatively and if I had Jesus in my heart then as I do now I would have sacrificed my feelings for the good of those whom I loved.
If the situation would have never happened, maybe you would have never learned pride or forgiveness. Maybe that is why the situation arose. Some never learn simple life skills like those and live their whole life angry. I have lived 29 of my 30 years angry and pissed off. The only counter to regret is making sure you do not make the same mistakes twice. Like "forgiveness", regret will control the mind "if you allow it".
Thanks for that. You are pretty wise for 30.
No problem at all, I appreciate the compliment. I don't have it "all" figured out, I simply put myself in check if I have a regret and make 100% sure I do not repeat the mistake. I believe if you truly learn from the given situation, it happened for a reason if you learn why it happened, If you do not learn from the situation, you may see the situation as pointless. Thank You for the comment James.
Morality aside, there is nothing like anticipation. Why not drag it out as long as possible?
That is an excellent point. I agree 100% that it is better when waiting. Often when things move fast, it often runs out of gas sooner. Kinda like a go-cart at a fun park. It starts off fast and fun until you realize the go-cart only goes 10mph.
I appreciate you reading and commenting.
Great question and great hub. Personally, I agree with James, that one should wait for marriage. I made this vow as a young teen, and, unfortunately, I made some unwise decisions along the way and broke that vow. As for your counter "how do you know the sex will be good after marriage?" - If your spouse is your one and only experience, can you not honestly say it is the best you've ever had? If there is nothing to compare it to in the first place, it should never be an issue. Just my opinion. And from my female perspective - I regret some of the decisions I made before I met my husband.
Thank you for writing this.
" If your spouse is your one and only experience, can you not honestly say it is the best you've ever had? If there is nothing to compare it to in the first place, it should never be an issue."
You have an excellent point as well. If you have sex with the only woman you have ever been with, wife, what if you didn't like the sex? This would make you "wonder" if you was missing out on something by not exploring before getting married. This could cause a regret of marriage.
As fas as regret, can it truly be called a regret if it is learned from?
Thank You for reading and commenting.
Touche!
It's nice to know there are men who are willing to wait instead of trying to coerce their partner to 'give it up'. Thanks for your perspective. I too, don't believe in having sex on the first date...or even the second.
Thank You Enelle, I appreciate you reading/commenting.
Thanks for not "giving it up" lol I'm sure I pissed a lot of guys off writing this hub. Woops
Just like I have always known men do not like women who are easy, you certainly put in perspective and it is the same answer that has been going on for years. Another good little hub.:)
Hello AEvans, Thank You for reading/commenting. Glad you enjoyed. Thank You
Marinealways, you're right, bad idea. And as another hubber says, even the second night, etc. Best to know each other a bit, no doubt.
James, your blanket statement "sex outside of marriage is a sin" deserves at least a hub to be answered. I'll give you a clue: Says who? and Said when?
Hello rosario, Thank You for reading.
I agree. I think sex often complicates the important things in a relationship when first meeting.
Marinealways,
I agree, Not a good idea "on the first night or even second or third. I mean, you do not even KNOW the person and any diseases, real personality, etc. Sex outside of marriage...well, how many of us haven't had it? I think that a REAL sexual chemistry between two people is created through TRUST and getting to know your partner intimately, emotionally. Developing a Caring for the other attitude between them. Immediate sex with someone you are just meeting and getting to know is [JUST FOR the moment gratification]. Some people however prefer to live only for the moment. Hey, to each his own right? I am a happily married woman to a wonderful man. Great Hub Marinealways...Kepp posting ok?
Hello Mina, Thank You for reading and commenting. Nice points. Thanks.
No, I will never sleep on the first date, until I will be engaged,
Great morals darkhorse, you are stronger than me. lol
The only question I have to that is, what if the sex isn't good after married? I don't think I could marry someone unless I knew "everything" about them first, including the bedroom.
Nice of you to have shared this. Hope the teens of today especially the ladies would stumble upon this article. On the question, No I definitely wouldn't do that on the first date and actually I never did. I'm married now and done "it" after marrying. Regarding the chemistry thing, I think you can work it out, maybe. =)
oh, sex will be part of a good relationship, but you and I know it is not the all and be all. You could adjust and rock your partners world if you truly loved him, you can both do things which will enriched your sex life.
cindyvine says:
7 months ago
Thanks for sharing your male perspective!