I have recently been talking to my girlfriends about sex and marriage. Maybe it is because I have been booked on a radio show for February 10 talking about my new book on how to save your marriage, and that book has been on the forefront of my mind a lot.

Before you continue reading, this article is considered R rated. That means under 17 is not permitted without a parent. If you are under 17 go get a parent to read this first!

Ladies and gentlemen sex is extremely important, and an urgent matter to take care of if you are not having it. Yes, there are many other dimensions to a relationship, but the other parts are missing out on being the best they can be if you two do not connect on a sexual level! Sorry, this is a huge reason for infidelity and your house feeling like you live an igloo instead of a warm cozy environment.

Lets try and figure out why you are not having sex. I think body image plays a huge role, exhaustion from work, sometimes medications cause a lack of sex drive, and too many money stresses and outside conflicts due to the economy can definitely cause your sex drive to come a harrowing halt! I know some people were reaching speeds up to 85 when rounding a turn, meaning sex four times a week, and then life got in the way, they skidded to a complete sex stop!

Do not let this happen to you! Sex is an extremely personal and deep emotional bond between two people. That bond just should not be broken. I actually know a woman whom would just want her husband to hurry up and finish so she could get back to picking up the house! Why?

Let me give you the benefits of sex. First of all, it brings you and your spouse closer together, it will never drive you apart, unless you are on top thinking about your TV show you are watching while the one on bottom is looking at you thinking, "He/she is not even interested." If that happens your spouse will start to become very resentful. Also, you do burn calories and it revs up your metabolism for an bit. That after sex glow is a definite plus. I always think I look like I just had a wonderful facial I am glowing so bright.

What happpens when you have sex? You feel a deep connection and bond! I know for me, I look at Mark with nothing but tenderness, lust, and desire. He knows that I am into him and us, the whole entire time. Mark and I can still kiss for hours at a time four years later! Let me tell you, we have a lot of baggage with five kids, a dying economy, two exes, one dog, three cats, fish and a frog that recently died due to malnourishment from not being fed enough crickets! My point is if we can do it you can do it!

When you look at your spouse with love and desire what you will get in return is ten fold. Just start having sex and don't look bored! Listen, I firmly believe that women who masturbate have the best sex lives. That is because if you masturbate you know what it takes to have multiple orgasms. Try it, it works.

I discovered masturbation in the fifth grade. The only reason I did was because I happened to be in a pool near a jet where water was being pushed out in such a force that when it hit my clitoris I knew I had just discovered something so unbelievable that maybe God was shining his light on me just then. Yep, I spent that summer in the pool!

If you are in a situation where you love sex, and your spouse doesn't please go get help. I don't care who you are eventually this will put a huge damper on your marriage. I am sorry, I am not going to lie and say sex is not important, it is!

You might need to take a weekend and go away to jump start the return of sex to your marriage. Go, get a babysitter and head out the door. I am telling you, candles, sexy underwear, music and wine will bring out the sex kitten in you! Try it! What do you have to lose? IF for some reason your spouse doesn't respond, try again. If it has been a long time since you acted like you are a powerful woman whom can control her man with sex than it might take a few times, but try it.

When I say control, I mean, you can get your man to have that look of desire in his face that cannot be mistaken for a look of needing to go to the bathroom. No, this look says, "God, I love my wife! She is so hot and I am so lucky!"

I think what people don't realize is they are missing out on a huge gift from God when they stop having sex. I am totally serious. To have the one you love inside of you and not to enjoy it means there is something wrong. Find the problem and fix it. God gave us sex to bring us closer to our significant other, and also to enjoy our bodies and our time here on earth. We were not given sex just to have children. If that was the case we wouldn't be able to have orgasms!

Try the candles, wine and sexy underwear. Go away for a night or a weekend. Start connecting physically on some level. If you need to just start holding hands again, then do it. You need to connect physically. Yes, Mark and I do have every other weekend without all the kids running around, but we make sure that we keep it fresh, new, sexy and alive. You cannot stop bringing new games to the playground. If you do, someone will stop showing up to play!

If you don't have time to fix your marriage, and your sex life, then you are missing out on a huge piece of what is important in life; keeping your most treasured relationship at the top of your list! Divorce is hell, it is hell on your children and all those around you. When you are in the midst of divorce you don't realize the strength of the hurricane you are trying to survive until the wind stops blowing! The hurricane is named, NOBODYWINS! Don't go there, and I am here to tell you, sex is a huge part of marriage, I have a book that will be out soon to prove it!

I am not writing about the other dimensions of marriage right now, I am writing about sex! Try it again. Give it another chance. You will feel alive, you will want to make the other aspects of your marriage even better once you connect on the physical and emotional plane of sex again!If you need to start out with hand holding or a hug, that is fine, just start, how about today?