Sex and dating

Sex and dating are two areas that people are not always sure how to approach, even people who have been dating for a while may not be sure how to take things to the next level, or what level of sex is appropriate in their relationship. Let's face it, intimacy is a difficult area to maneuver, and it can be even more difficult to know how to approach it.

The following is a little information on first how to approach sex when dating, and have things head that way, and second, how to know if you are ready for sex while dating.

When you are dating, you move toward intimacy naturally. So, how can you keep your relationship moving in this direction instead of to the "friend zone"?

First, and foremost, if you want to keep things sexual, you can't talk to your date like they are a friend. Let's face it, sexual tension won't be generated if you're having casual conversations about others. So, tease, create emotions, challenge each other. This will help you lead toward further intimacy in your relationship. If you want to keep things in the sexual zone, not the friend zone, try to make your date feel emotions, talk to them about passion, about love, about relationships.

Second, think physical. Dating is not all about sex, but it will never have sex if you do not have a physical interaction of some kind when you are together. So, be sure you have sexual connection BEFORE you try for sex. Touch, even simple touches like putting your hand on their arm can help build sexual tension and help you see if you are compatible. So, hold hands, kiss on the cheek when you meet, be playful, tickle, play fight, poke each other. If you are not in a place in your relationship yet for sexual touching, be playful. Playful tickling, can help lead to sexual touching such as putting your arm around one another, touching their hair or touching their hands. Make sure that you have actions that are things that people who are dating do, not touches that just friends do.

Third, if you want to move things along toward sex, you have to show your date that is what you want. You have to be somewhat seductive to get them thinking about sex too. This does not mean make your whole relationship about sex, but it does mean if you want sex to be apart of your relationship you have to show it. So, show some passion, sow them you want them, and get physical with each other. It might take several weeks of more physical touch and affection before you get to sex, but at least your relationship is heading toward that instead of toward just friends.

So, now that you know about how to keep things heading toward sex, let's look at how sex affects relationships.

How sex during dating can have some negative side effects:

Sex can sometimes be a little bit of a let down. We give it a lot of weight, but if you make it too much of your focus you may find that after having sex you feel a lack of fulfillment. This can be very damaging to a relationship. It is a good idea to build a loving relationship based on other things before you let sex enter the equation.

Second, it is important to realize that people have sex while dating for different reasons. For many men it might simply be to satisfy a hormone drive, while for women it may be that it is a means to an end. If they have sex with a guy, in return they get love and affection. So, if you are going to have sex while dating, make sure you do it with the same goal in mind. Both need to want it for the same reason, or it will be a relationship breaker.

Third, when you are dating, it is important to realize that it is someone else's future spouse you are messing around with. How would you like if someone had sex with your future spouse for the reasons you are having sex with whomever you are having sex with? Intimacy should be reserved for those whom you have close bonds, and whom you love. People are not play things, and sex should not be treated as a form of entertainment or a distraction but as an expression of love. Having casual sex when dating can be very damaging to current and future relationships.

The next thing you want to realize is that if you are not careful, sex can ruin relationships. How? Well, sex can become the focus of your relationship. Pretty soon you might stop wanting to get to know one another on any other level. So, while you might think having sex when dating is a step to getting closer, it can actually cause you to drift farther and farther apart. There are many levels to relate on, sexually does not have to be the focus, and when it is, the others get short-changed.

It is important to realize that while shared intimacy, physical attraction, and physical expression of attraction is important, sex before marriage often ruins the other parts of the relationship. People think that they are the exception to the rule, but that is just not the case. If you have sex too quickly in a relationship, without establishing some of the key parts of the other relationships, you end up losing respect and trust of each other. This is often done subconsciously. So, instead, if you wait until you are married, you know that this person loves you, respects you, and wants to be with you, even after sex Also, having sex before marriage can make your marriage not as good. For some it means that he does not respect her, and she does not trust him.

Another good thing about not having sex while dating, rather waiting until you are married is that if you wait, you will trust one another more, and be closer. The fact is, that in many cases, it works like this."girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." So, if a couple has sex before marriage, it usually means she is sleeping with the guy to keep the relationship going, and he is doing it because he wants more than the relationship. How can this lead to a healthy marriage or healthy relationship? It can't.

Often times, sex before marriage leads to lousy sex once you are married. This might be because your reasons might not be the same, or you don't "have" to keep having sex to keep your relationship going.

The fact is, that waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife and the woman a greater respect for her husband. And consequently they'll have better and more frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each other more deeply. Truthfully, this works. So, don't let your hormones rule your head, let your head rule.

The fact is that since there is no such thing as casual sex. Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people. Even if you do not mean to, it does cause a bond, so be sure that you realize that the more sex you have with people you do not marry, the less powerful the sex with your spouse will be.

You don't have to sleep with someone to know if you are "sexually compatible." Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. Sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. If you get along with everyone else, you will be sexually compatible. If you enjoy kissing them, chances are, you will enjoy having sex with them too.

But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship, and the sex isn't the focus, then you're freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular.

How do you know when the time is right for sex?

The fact is that there are emotional consequences for getting involved in a sexual relationship, so waiting for sex until you are emotionally ready, or at least ready to be emotionally invested in the relationship is the first thing to consider.

While you can't apply a one-size-fits-all response to sexual dating rules regardless of age or experience, you can set personal rules for when it is okay to have sex in your relationships. The first rule is to wait as long as you can. The longer you wait, the more certain you can be you like the person. Think about some of your past relationships. In the first few weeks they seemed so wonderful, but after a couple months you found the person to be very irritating. So, make sure you go as long as you can without sex to ensure you like the person enough.

Sex too soon makes it hard to objectively see other character traits. It would not be good to find out AFTER you are married that sex blinded you to some of the things about them that you do not exactly click with.

Before having sex, you need to talk to each other about where you see the relationship heading. If you have very different ideas of where the relationship is going, then sex is not a great idea. So, even if you do not plan on marriage, or even a serious relationship, you owe it to yourself to at least talk to each other about what you want, and how sex will change the relationship. A woman may assume sex implies a commitment; the man may not see it that way. So make sure you talk.

Dating and sex are inextricably interlinked. If you are meeting people romantically at some point you will want to go to bed with each other. Religion, age, and personal standards might come into play as to when you have sex. So, make sure you set your standards, and stick to them or sex will be a let down, and could damage your relationship.

When it comes to sex and dating, it is a good idea to find someone who likes the same things as you do. For example, if you are shy, and sex is not a big part of your life, then seek someone who feels the same way.

The fact is that if you want to date, and enjoy your dating life with or without sex it is up to you, just remember, sex should not be taken too casually.