Sex life of Seahorses and serial killers

Sex life of Seahorses and serial killers

I was inspired to write this hub based on comments that have flying around various hub and in particular

http://hubpages.com/hub/Top-5-Worst-Species-in-Which-to-Be-a-Guy-a-humorous-look-at-sex-in-the-animal-world

Boredom

The sex life of a horse is boring to say the least. He simply releases sperm over eggs which have been deposited in his pouch by the female of the species. Then, worse still, the little fertilized sprogs (eggs actually) are kept in the pouch of the seahorse male to nurture until they are ready to be "born'. Talk about a dog's life. The sheer boredom and drudgery of this task (bearing in mind that we suspect that there was little or no pleasure in the act of conception) would drive a lesser man to drink at the least. But being permanently in the drink, this is not an option.

Pregnancy

During this pregnancy all the colour drains out of this little fellow as he uses his body's resources to fatten up the little guys. The silly sod , once he gives birth, that is after going through about 72 hours of labour and exhausting final contractions, releases up to 200 tykes, then runs off within a few hours trying to convince his spouse do the whole thing again. Yes the seahorses are monogamous for life - who knows why?

Seahorses evolved about 40 million years ago and have survived from ancient times with hardly any changes over that period. Is this the exception that proves the rule in Darwin's evolutionary selection theory?

Looks

Seahorses are fairly strange looking fish (apparently they are fish) they have a horses head, a monkey's tail used much like humans use a thumb, chameleon eyes and an insect's body armour, but this species of fish has a backbone, gills and fins. The scales meld together much like a cockroach. Some joke.

Serial Killer?

So if you were a seahorse living this kind of existence surely you could be psychologically predisposed to mayhem. And certainly in your next life you may wish to become the next Jeffrey Dahmer or the Green River Killer or perhaps in fiction Hannibal Lecter. This may even be truer when you consider the poor guy is anchored to a marine plant for he duration of the pregnancy only eating what floats by his not inconsiderable Scnozz.

Jeffrey Dahmer

How does Dahmer compare to a seahorse. Well not really for his dietary habits were much more eclectic than a seahorse. He kept heads and livers in his freezer to snack on. He was a (fairly) normal kid but grew up in an atmosphere of constant fighting between his mom and dad and was quoted as saying :" I decided I wasn't ever going to get married because I never wanted to go through anything like that"

He did not and it turns out he preferred men. All his victims were men, and he was accused of 17 murders. He enjoyed Porn videos as he invited most of his victims home to watch these before dispatching them. He slept with some of the corpses and apparently he had difficulty in finding a housekeeper as his home was not exactly pristine. He was a pretty good looking guy and that could have been his quid pro when being reincarnated. So could our seahorse have been reincarnated as Dahmer possibly. This is a tale from boredom to really living on edge. For the Record Dahmer was convicted, imprisoned and killed by a fellow inmate presumably because his taste in videos did not meet with his dispatchers approval.

The Green River Killer

Gary Ridgway was convicted as the Green River Killer for killing more than 40 woman. 48 is the exact number he confessed to. These were all said to be Prostitutes, as Ridgeway hated prostitutes and said he wanted to kill as many as possible as he did not like paying for sex. So his sexual habits were pretty weird. There is a theory that there was more than one killer possibly a group of them and that Gary saved his co-conspirators bacon by confessing to 48 murders. That would be a pretty good way of currying favour with his pals! Could he be a reincarnated seahorse? Yes I guess he could out of revenge for all that boredom when he was a seahorse. Could it have been a group of seahorse mails reincarnated together? Yes this theory holds up pretty well too. But as little is known of his dietary habits it would seem he retained the boring nondescript seahorse eating habits. He also pretty retained his seahorse looks.

Hannibal Lecter

Aah Hannibal my favorite, a brilliant psychiatrist and cannibalistic serial killer. He has great sartorial taste. A master of disguise and a chef of note "a nice Chianti, liver and Favva beans". As you know I strongly suspect that Paraglider is Hannibal's alter ego Hiding out in the middle east building up his cannibalistic taste. He (Hannibal) does not favor males or females. From a looks point of view he comes from a good family but has an extra middle finger which he later has removed. I guess the extra finger would be a dead giveaway or is he merely giving a finger in the cause of self cannibalization. Could he be a seahorse reincarnated - of course yes. He is also fictional and as we all know anything is possible in fiction.

So my hypothesis is that it is pretty dangerous to be any number of insects or male or female human beings. We can eat or be eaten by all sorts of things. It does not matter what you look like. You can be abused and man sex is a dangerous game.

Thank you Shadesbreath, BT Evilpants, Eric Graudins and Agrodonkey for your witty comments which spawned the ideas behind this hub.