Shamanorexia, hub 5

Part 1 of the metaphor

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who lived in a faraway land with her family and her tribe. She grew increasingly unhappy with herself and as she did, she could no longer see anything good around her. By and by, she began to withdraw to her own hut, and refuse to be involved with any of the activities of the tribe. Eventually, she spent most of her time alone thinking and thinking. She no longer acted like herself, and even began to look different. She refused to take food with her family.

During the withdrawal stage of anorexia, the girl becomes withdrawn and retreats to her bedroom.  She becomes very self-absorbed and almost torments herself with too much thinking. Thinking becomes increasingly negative, repetitive, illogical, unreasonable and very obsessive. Decision-making becomes difficult as the tiny details of life grow huge and unmanageable. Often there will be external evidence of this style of thinking. For instance, rituals can be established and rigorous routines can dominate the day. Tidiness, time and organisation of material things can become really imperative. Arguments in the house ensue over the smallest issues, and everyone can find themselves walking on eggshells. Amazingly, it is possible to achieve excellent grades in school, whilst not being able to make a decision about which socks to wear during the day. Somehow, ability to reason, concentrate, focus and make decisions is impaired but academic performance is often not. Many people also say that they do not sleep well.

People with anorexia are kept awake by suppressed hunger, bones that protrude and create discomfort, anxious and obsessive thoughts and a characteristic restlessness. But these weary travellers are exceptional people, so intelligent and creative and determined to make the journey. Perhaps the most important part of keeping studies going is the tiny link with the outside world that makes re-entry easier later on.

However, it seems really important that there are significant parts of the journey that must be made alone. Its as if only through ‘quality’ time alone, can true intimacy be achieved with others. In the context of the vision quest, aloneness is as essential as it is in anorexia. Self-discovery is required for self-healing and that it is only through self-healing that permanent recovery can happen. The withdrawal is a painful stage for all concerned, and often Mother finds herself feeling completely helpless.

It is during this stage that social phobia can develop, that is a fear of people. As the food world narrows, and food is systematically cut out, so the outside world narrows. As within, so without. No chocolate or junk food, no superficial contacts. No fats or spreads, avoidance of eye contact. Become vegetarian, stop seeing friends. Cut carbohydrates, talk to no-one but mother. This can happen quickly or gradually, and in any order.

Suppression of hunger is central and significant. As the need for food is denied, many other needs are also denied at the same time. Denial of needs is often central to the anorexic process and ferocious hunger is denied in some very creative ways. Some imagine that the food is poisonous, alive or evil. Some claim nausea or develop extreme dislikes. Whoever presents the food can become the enemy and underlying issues become buried under much paranoid conversation about food. Parents and carers can find themselves in a no-win situation. This creates a way to ‘act out’ what is being felt on a deeper level, that is ‘I am in a no-win situation’. This is not conscious of course and the food remains the focus.

Perfectionism has a lot to answer for! The quest for perfection can be relentless, and create the no-win feelings, especially when there is a clash of values. Picture this: a young girl who has always ‘been good’, ‘done well’ and done whatever it takes to please, perform and produce for parents and teachers. As she hits adolescence, she begins to feel conflicts and confusion as she explores the process of establishing her own identity that is separate from the family. She has not been used to expressing or even recognising what she is feeling and experiencing because she has been ‘others orientated’ for a long time. Growing up becomes a scary process, and anorexia offers perfect solutions: blame the illness for the rebellion, allow the food to do the talking, delay or arrest sexual development, and withdraw from the process of living in the world. These are intelligent people and anorexia is an intelligent illness. So, the positive intentions of the anorexia must be acknowledged and made conscious so that new choices and support strategies can emerge. Simply eradicating unwanted behaviour is not a permanent solution. The behaviour is only a symptom of other issues that lie beneath the surface.  Denial is usually has a very strong hold at this stage.  I have seen very intelligent and well educated parents completely deny that there are any problems until the anorexia is very well advanced. 

Hub 5 will offer some treatment suggestions for this stage.