Question: when did shopping at the supermarket become a leisure pursuit?

Don't get me wrong, I'm from Greater London area and since the dawn of all things mercantile, boy have we loved to shop!

It's the part where it became a choice of something to do that baffles me.

On any given weekend in the UK, go to any supermarket, retail park, shopping mall and we're there in our thousands ooohing and ahhhing making numerous sacrifices to the God of consumerism.

I for one now realise 2 things have resulted:

1. I have a house full of crap and, in turn
2. I've sold a wagon-load on ebay.

The supermarket is a prime example.

"It's a lovely day honey, better take the kids out as they are climbing the walls"

"OK, the park?"

"No, we went there earlier this year"

"Er museum"

"Nah, that's boring"

"Well what then?"

"Mmmm, you know what I need?"

"What"

"Well, you know my sore toe has been giving me a lot of grief?"

"Yeah, so"

"Well I could really do with a corn plaster"

"OK supermarket then...kids, get your clothes on we're going out"

Now, as a kid when I heard that last statement (which was a rarity), my hopes lifted because the trip was NEVER to a supermarket.

Today we have whole families virtually skipping down the freezer aisles like a scene from West Side Story - instead of the Sharks and the Jets, we have the Smiths and the Rileys for example.

Naturally, this is after they've spent hours circling the car park so they can get a space within spitting distance of the entrance.

Incidentally, if you have "parent and child" spaces (How condescending is the person who thought this up? Maybe he/she just views parents as one step up from the disabled which is even worse!) why can't I have a "hangover" space? Just a space next to the disabled and parent spaces with, oh I dunno, a tablet painted on the ground for easy identification. Then I could whizz in, get my ibuprofen and red bull then get the hell out!

Furthermore, why are the parent/child spaces so far from the trolley parks? It would make sense to me not to have all that mobile assistance then have to cart your shopping 50 yards from the trolley to your car.

On the plus side, this makes for great people-watching, let's examine some:

• There's the gym-membership folks. Yes, there they are resplendent in matching shorts and shirts with their matching ipods and arm holders. They are always examining healthy ready-meals or pre-packed salads with an air of superiority. Yeah, so what people, you do know you're going to die like the rest of us? Plus, excuse me I'm buying food here so take your sweaty bodies and rancid Russell Athletic garb and get out!
• Mr Bluetooth. 99% of the time these are men. They stroll around (a supermarket!!!) with their earpieces in like they're in the US Secret Service - who are they expecting to call that they have to be there to receive it at the very moment? Tony Blair? Rupert Murdoch? Please understand that an air of importance is actually different to being important. Take the earpiece out and get some real friends.
• Mobile/Cell Phonies.Oh Lord, please give me strength that I do not make my fantasy of locking these assholes in a freezer a reality. Mind you, they'd need to make a call then wouldn't they? And why are they always talking so loud - like people who can't understand that the deaf can lip-read. "Yeah, I'm looking at the milk. Which one was it again? (pause) But you said 2% fat I'm sure you did (pause). No you didn't, I'd have remembered if you'd said organic." Ugh!
• The aforementioned family on a day out. Can you please walk in single file rather than stroll down the aisle 17 abreast like you are, in fact, in a museum. Jeez, where did you park the coach?

• The Bad Parkers. You've got back to your car, you'll loaded in the shopping. Only then do you realise that the car next to you is parked so close that you have to be part of the Cirque de Soleil to get into your car. Naturally, the other side has enough room to re-enact the Battle of Gettysburg.

• The sell-by daters. People - normally alone but I'm unsure of the relevance of this - who examine every product on the shelf to find the one with the longest usage period. Why? Are you shopping for a nuclear bunker? Do you think that one day over its sell-by date and milk turns into yoghurt?
• Tantrum boy. Yep, we all know this one. Plus it's funny how a parent thinks they're the only one this happens to. The 3 year old boy who can't get what he wants (normally something bizarre like a bottle of bleach "but i want it...blaaaaaaahhhhhh") and suddenly gets frozen joints and lay there on the floor like a rigormortis poster child. Y'know what works? Just open a squeezy bottle of ketchup and squirt him. He'll stop - I know! This one is a result of:
• "Proper" Parents. Yes, we've seen these too. A mother bent over a tiny child talking to them like they're in a hostage negotiation. "Now Hugo, we must eat legumes as they help control our glycogen levels which helps our pancreas and liver plus they are good to the heart. So if we don't have these then Mommy can't buy you the things you like, like organic dark chocolate!" Oh, stop the world I wanna get off.
• Doubles queuing. The couple whom go about it like a tag-team. "Right, wait here darling whilst I wander up and down the 870 checkouts looking for the shortest line. Ready? You gotta be quick as I'm gonna pounce, then wave to you and I need you to be ready" Look, I know life can seem short but it ain't THAT short. Chill, you anally retentive morons.
• Voucher Queen. God's joke to torment the doubles queue specialists. "We were lucky there, weren't we, this checkout only has one person in line". Then that person is presented with their total from the clerk, whereupon they unleash a ticker-tape parade of vouchers and pass them over. The clerk then spends the next 3 days unfolding, flattening, date-checking and scanning each voucher to arrive at a new total.
• Mr Impatient. This guy stands second in line in the queue, one in front of you. As the family in front of him are not packing their shopping fast enough he mumbles, grunts, folds his arms and fingers his phone case which is invariably attached to his belt via a case (excuse me sir; are you aware that wearing a phone on your belt is the exact point where practicality becomes idiocy?) - you know he'll recount this episode to all he meets for the rest of the day as if it's important. He normally looks at you and rolls his eyes in an attempt to recruit you into his sad-bastard gang. Seriously my friend, you're gonna kill somebody if you don't lighten up and stop being a total penis.

In fact, I've had a change of heart. This Sunday, I'm off to the supermarket - it's fun!