Our homes are filling up. As more and more people loose their houses in the after-fall of the abundant foreclosures, families are starting to come together in an attempt to simply make it. These crowded homes with added stress are causing more and more people to heat up and give in to domestic violence.

I am no expert, but as a bail bondsman, I have seen a large jump in our volume of clients who need to be bonded out of jail for hitting their family members. Of course, I have experienced a violent household first hand, so I have gained unwanted experience.

The hardest part about this subject, is that when a woman calls me to get her husband out of jail for "choking" her, or "slapping" her, I just want to say, "Are you crazy? LEAVE". But, unfortunately most of these women and men have no place to go. There are time bombs every where. All we can do is sit and wait for the next call to come in, and pray. Pray that the police arrive in time. Pray that the next time, a knife isn't involved, or a revolver.

I am afraid that this economic crunch has put so much strain on American families that it is going to be YEARS before we totally recover, if ever.

To those people out there, that are experiencing heated households, I want to offer some advice. Not as an expert, but as a mother, spouse and victim.

1. Never argue in front of children. Take it outside and as a precautionary measure, give each other fifteen minutes to sit down and write about what is the problem. Set guidelines to have an adult discussion, give each other time to talk, take notes and don't interrupt. Discuss real options, and if you are arguing about ice cubes or dirty dishes. Grow up, start a chore chart and act as if you have some sense.

2. If a partner or family member is showing signs of potential violence.. ie.. sweating, screaming, nostrils flaring...Grab your keys and go. I am sure that you can visit a friend, go to the mall, or just drive. Always have a set of keys hid for yourself. This is not just for getting away from your significant other, it is also for you in case some fiend breaks into your home and you need a fast get a way or need to leave in a hurry and can't locate your keys. Put a $20 bill under your car seat for gas. My mother used to call it "mad money".

3. Get counselling. Contact your local church, mental health organization, police department or community outreach center. Realize that there is nothing wrong with talking about your problems. Financial stress is difficult to deal with, but do your best to not blame each other. Remember you are a TEAM MEMBER. Discuss ways OUT of trouble and not who spent what.

4. If someone is abusing drugs, for heavens sake, don't enable them. Even if it means using tough love and putting them out the door. (If I had a minor who was using, I would suggest checking them into a rehabilitation center, and be active in their recovery)

5. If you are ever the victim of a bloody lip, black eye, bruising, broken bone, or verbally abused, LEAVE. You can NOT change people, and "I'm sorry" is a common phrase you should not have to get used to. Find your local shelters and just go. It will hurt, but you will get over it. Should you decide to stay, your children can perhaps join the club I belong to, it's called, being an orphan.

It is my goal to rid this planet of domestic violence. I will never reach my goal, but I certainly will try. If you are an abuser, get help or get out. It is better to live alone with a clear conscience than to be in prison or dead.

We can loose it all in a matter of seconds, that is all it took in my family. My father ripped my mother from me in a matter of only three minutes. Those three minutes can not be given back no matter how hard I pray, or what I am willing to give to gain them back. My dad can't take back the fact that he put a .22 to his head and killed himself. My three brothers and I grew up separately, it's time to remember, life is precious. Children are special. Stop sweating the small stuff!

Should I stay or should I go? If you are asking the question, it might already be time to leave.