Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex?
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Um Probably Not...
I was recently irritated to read a hub that was called "Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back". To me, most break ups are for a reason, right? You don't just break up because it's cloudy outside one day, and sunny the next? You have a legitimate reason for the break ups.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes you can reconcile your differences and get back together, but most of the time you should move on with your life. You had some good times, and now either one or both of you has moved on.
I was watching a show at my sister's this weekend called "The Ex Factor", and it was all about creating drama in seeing if two exs should get back together. All the while, their current boyfriend or girlfriend is watching the entire thing. This is a show, seriously? While I admit that I had a hard time changing the channel, most of the time it was purely the drama of it all that I enjoyed watching. As many of us do.
If You Really Do Want to Rethink Your Break Up
Here are some things to think about when you are thinking about rekindling an old flame:
- Why did you break up in the first place? (This is the main factor, did he/she cheat on you? did you fight all the time? you didn't communicate well? All of these are good reasons NOT to get back together)
- Do you only want them because you can't have them?
- Do you think that they are the best person for you?
- What did your friends think of him/her? While your friends don't have the end all be all opinion, they know you well and have your best interests at heart, so you should probably hear their opinion too.
- Why do you really want to get back together?
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Comments
I think that's very true Patsy.
How many breakups do you think most couples do before the final split? My wife and I broke up three times (at least) before we were married:)
Paul, I really think that depends on the reasons for breaking up. Every couple has their challenges a long the way, but sometimes people try to band-aid problems that can't be solved that way, this just causes more problems.
yes i totally agree with u.
Paul,
How often do you think that really happens? My ex-boyfriend of only almost 3 months just broke up with me a few weeks ago, and I'm still not over it because I don't think he gave it an adequate chance. We had our problems, but I think it was worth talking out or taking a break. I had even been considering a break up (but was not ready for it) before he broke up with me. We went into the relationship quickly, and it was long distance. I thought it was the way we were reacting to each other (read: communicating) at the time that was the problem, and that can be worked out. However, he said we have fundamental personality differences yet he still wants to be my friend. I just spoke to him on the phone today to get some things off my chest, and while I was asking him different questions he told me that I have 90 percent of the qualities he wants in a future wife. He also told me you can love somebody but know that you should not be in a relationship with them and that he still loves me. This is hard!
I am going through a lot right now (he broke up with me a couple of weeks after I left a bad situation at work), and this was the last thing I needed, but I know it is for the best. It is hard to give up those feelings that it might work out some day, but I know I will get there eventually. I also know that is where I need to be if things ever are to work out. Besides, I definately have my own stuff that I need to work on before entering any relationship for a while.
Anyhow, my question is what are the conditions that would allow something like this to work out? (I know I need to get past it either way. I had been trying to tell myself not to feel like I want him back, but now I know it is best to accept that I feel that way for now and let those feelings work out on their own.)
Sorry for the long comment. I guess I just needed to vent.
YEA NOT A GOOD IDEA TO GO BAK OUT WITH AN EX, IVE DONE IT W 2 OF MY EXS, U WANNA SLAP URSELF FOR WASTING EVEN MOREEE TIME THAN U HAD INITIALLY DONE IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT JUST WAS TOO DAMN OUTLIVED FOR THE 2 OF US, I MEAN ALL THAT TIME COULD HAVE BEEN SPENT W SOMEONE ELSE, N I LOST SOMEONE WHO COULD HAVE MADE ME HAPPY JUST TO GIVE IT ALL A SECOND CHANCE.. DONT DO IT...
my bf for four years broke up with me a month ago before we were going to move in together. We broke up 6 months ago already but we got back together after 3 weeks and then he broke up with me again. I think getting back together is always a possibility. I'm not holding on or waiting but the hope that someday the feelings we had for each other will come back keeps me going because I do want him back but I have to move on and see the rest of my life without him before I can see myself with him again.
Currently, I am going out with my ex. He's wonderful and it's been 7 years since we broke up. I'm having fun exploring the things we couldn't do before and getting to know him all over again. My initial reaction was that I would just be friends with him but we picked up where I broke it off. I had to appoligize for what I did to him and it was a great move. I'm head over heels and I"m so happy too.
I am in this situation at the moment. I'm with my current boyfriend of 8 months and to e honest things have been great..up until a month ago! I saw my ex again after a year..we caught up and it was great seeing him and talking about the past. I felt that chemistry between us again. I found out that he had been trying to find out from my sister a few weeks before about me & my boyfriend etc. Anyway since then i haven't been able to get him out of my head. We've kept in touch..i've seen him & things happened but i couldn't help it. I know that deep down he's always been the one i wanted. We broke up two years ago, having gone out for almost two years. He broke it off saying that he didn't feel comfortable in a serious relationship, i was only 19 at the time an he was 25, so i agreed and we did our own thing, but now he feels that he wants to be with me & try again. He told me that he doesn't want to ruin what i have with my current boyfriend but he hates seeing me with someone else. I reall don't know whether to get back with him...i do feel that i still have such strong feelings for him! Help!
Darcy-
I think it's natural to have feelings for someone that you had a good relationship with and broke up without hard feelings. What you need to decide is if he is really the one you want to be with. If you really do have these feelings then you need to take action on them. Also understand that if you are looking to be with someone else, you might be having problems in your current relationship which is why you would look for something else. You should also talk to your ex and see what their intentions are. Exs can be tricky and sometimes when you get back together with them you realize why you broke up in the first place. Consider your options...
my ex has changed from when we were together two years ago..he seems more settled with a good job, his own place etc and he says he wanted to do all that before rekindling anything with me. I know he hasn't had any other relationship with anyone since we split. Of course he's been with other girls but nothing serious. We have always had this connection and i can really see myself being with him in the future. I think my main issue may be how i finish with my current boyfriend..without hurting him. He is madly in love with me and i just know this will be awful for him
Darcy-
I don't think there is any easy way to get out of a relationship, but if you know it's not for you then you should consider his feelings and not prolong the inevitable. It always hurts no matter what side of it you're on, just try to be sensitive to his feelings.
hey, my gf just broke up with me this past week because she can't handle the distance and she wanted freedom.. We were crazy for each other.. did everything to gether. Now its summer time, and we don't see each very often.. I was wondering was i should do.. i like her alot she likes me alot. she asked for space and time to think. we are going back to school in september. she talks to me all the time and still wants to be friend. i want her back. last weekend she pretty much told me she loved me and now we are broke up. Any pointers?
Frenchy,
As a person that has encountered LDR (long distance relationships) I think you should give your ex space and time. Space and time are not always a bad thing. There have been moments in my life where I wasn't sure if that was the person that I was supposed to be with and giving myself some time to get MY life together really helped.
I would say just be her friend, and be there when she needs you. Things will have a way of working themselves out, either way.
So my ex and I broke up about 7 months ago and started hanging out again just recently. We were living together at the time but were sharing the house with 3 other roommates, one of them being my brother, another guy, and another girl. We never really had ANY "alone" time. He ended up losing his job and got really depressed and everything fell apart in a matter of months. I deep down had always thought he was the one but teh person he became was someone else and he just didn't want to get help. It came down to my last option was to break it off. Since then he has taken care of himself, got help for his problems, has gotten a great job and is doing really well. The few times we have hung out I have actually had a lot of fun, but am very hesitant that he could become the "depressed" guy again. We've talked about our past issues and he understands for us to ever work I need time and I want to take things very slow. He also understands that it will take time to build trust again. I don't want to go at this in a juvenial way because I know there are serious feelings involved. I was hoping someone could give me advice on how to approach this situation in a mature way to build a healthy, open, fun relationship. We had some amazing times together and I think our situation living with others, especially my brother, and just everythign that happened made things too hard to handle. I think i've grown up a lot and realize that relationships aren't always going to be fun fun fun like I had in my dreams as a little girl. Hopefully someone out there can relate and let me know your thoughts! Thanks!
My girlfriend of 3 months just broke up with me a week ago and i dont feel like im ever going to get over her. She ignored all my texts and phone calls for a week before she finally told me that she only wanted to be friends cause she didnt feel the same about me that she used to. i havent seen her in almost two months because of school being over and her dad is really protective of her and she was afraid to tell him about us, but we still talked every day. I still love her soooo much and i keep thinking we might get back together after we start being around each other every day again:) is my thinking right? That maybe just not seeing each other for so long changed her feelings about me.
oKAY SO I BROKE UP WITH MY EX ABOUT 2 YEARS AGOO AND I ENDED IT AWFUL. I ALWAYS WANTED TO CONTACTED HIM BUT BROKE MY PHONE AND HAD NO IDEA WHERE HE WAS. a FRIEND OF MINE FOUND HIS NUMBER DO I CALL HIM OR JUST LET IT GO ?
working
Patsy says:
14 months ago
I think this is so true. All though it does take time to be able to look thru the haze and see the real reasons why shouldn't get back together. Cuz if you were meant to be you wouldn't be broken up in the first place. :)