Imagine this scenario: yours truly makes it to NYC for the album launch party of Jay-Z’s Blueprint 3. As I enter the spot, Dame Dash spots me and realizes that I’m a dude he’s never met before and obviously starts talking me to death. We talk about kids, rap, women, video games, comic books, jewelry, music companies, the music industry, rap websites, the NBA, the NFL, investments, his falling out with Jay, his friendship with Jim Jones, Aaliyah’s life, Aaliyah’s death, blogs, rap wars, monogamy, prison, marriage, religion, Ramadan, Lil’ Wayne, Young Jeezy, Rihanna and Chris Brown. In typical Dame Dash fashion, the conversation lasted less then five minutes (if you don’t know who Dame Dash is, Youtube him, the man talks fast as f*ck). Towards the end of our conversation, Jay-Z spots him talking to me and disappears for all of 10 good minutes. S. Carter then reappears after having done his research and prepared his rhymes, and then drops a freestyle completely assassinating Dame’s character and mocking the SBG blog as well as me. After the embarrassment stings for a while, Dame takes me outside and says:“LookHerePlaya, WeCanGetAnyRapperOfYourChoiceOutThereToRespondToJay. GimmeYourTop5RightNowAndTheyWillAllReleaseTracksGoingAtJay” (Dame talks so fast that it’s as if all the words are stuck together.). So which five rappers (alive) do I select to take shots at the Jigga Man? Glad you asked……

5. 50 Cent

Although Fif is not the most gifted or creative rapper, you know he will publicize the events and then make sure that he gets as many jabs, hooks, body blows and uppercuts in there. 50 leaves no stone unturned when entrenched in a rap beef. As seen with Rick Ross, 50 will look into your background, find sex tapes, create cartoons on Youtube mocking his enemy, find his rival’s mother’s convenient store and send people to bug her (did that to DJ Khaled). With that said, he will still come up with a great track that will probably be produced by Dre which will be filled with great punch lines, personal attacks and him laughing at his opponent.

Exhibit A:

“The rap game’s all f*cked up now,

how we gonna eat man,

50’s back around,

That’s Ja’s little punk ass thinking out loud,

South Side til I die,

that’s just how I get down”

Rap war body bags:

Back Down – Ja Rule diss

How to Rob – Diss of almost every rapper in the game

Try Me – Rick Ross diss

Tia Told Me – Rick Ross diss

Hollow Thru Him – Fat Joe diss

Be a Gentleman – Jay-Z diss

4.Joe Budden

Jump Off Joey might not necessarily be main stream but the man has perfected the art of attacking rappers. Joe Budden rarely makes preemptive strikes. He is normally the one reacting in defense after being called out by another rapper. So this applies with our current scenario current scenario but I’m not just picking Joe because of his defense. The reason I have Joey here is that once he gets his guard up, he starts going on the offensive and spits hard facts. Mind you, I know Joe already went at Jay without much success, but he was attacking the president of Def Jam at the time, not the rapper. That battle would have been different if he had attacked the emcee. We would have seen some clever punch lines and some personal attacks that would have gotten the hair on Jay-Z’s back to stand. Joe never enters the battlefield without doing some research on his opponent. Joe would take some ill shots at Jay that I would love to see him defend.

Exhibit B (Saigon diss):

“Speak to hear me, I’m speak Austin,

The one that’ll suck your d*ck if you flossin,

Came old, same bitch that everybody was tossin’,

The one that you literally begged for that abortion,

So we both go wild,

Said we both loves hoes and that’s just our style,

But Sai if you think it’s a difference n*gga you gonna see now,

I just kiss mines and yours is the mother of your child;

Shots dealed at your entourage,

N*gga couldn’t get a deal on Entourage,

So like how is it harder to be me

If I lose in real life

When you can’t even win on TV”

Rap wars body bag:

Pain in his life – Saigon diss

Blood on the wall – Prodigy (of Mobb Deep) diss

Big Shot – 50 Cent diss

While we’re on the topic, read this part of a verse from Joe and interpret it as you wish:

Treat old timers like fags who dropped the soap


Might got Alzheimer’s, forgot that they was dope


Too many dogs not enough barking yet


Too many blueprints, not enough architects

3. Beanie Sigel

If you have ever seen the movie State Property (I or II), you have seen Beans as a ruthless and vicious drug dealer. Now obviously he plays the character of a man in a movie, but don’t get it twisted, that’s still Beanie Sigel. The dude he portrays in the movie is basically himself. After years of listening to Sigel’s rhymes, we have heard how hard he is. Hell, in the movie State Property II, Beans is accused of attempted murder and the star witness (the dude that Beans shot) is so terrified of Beans that he claims not to remember who shot him. Like I said, it’s only a movie and therefore should be taken too seriously right? Well not so fast. Two weeks after the movie came out, the exact same scenario occurred in a court of law in Philadelphia with Beanie Sigel on trial for attempted murder. Some guys just tough talk, while others tough talk and walk tough.That’s the beauty of Sigel’s raps; he comes in hard and intimidates you in his raps. Unequivocally, I would want Beans to step up to the plate and go back at Jay on my behalf.

Exhibit C (Jadakiss diss):

F*ck the speculation talk over,

N*igga dig this,

I’m bout to son kiss like a soda […]

You bout to make me hurt you Kiss,

Spittin’ candy bars,

This n*gga sweeter then Hershey’s kiss”

Rap war body bag:

Jadakiss diss (listen to track here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBI1ySy4D0o)

2. Jadakiss

A lot of people were expecting to see Nas (like Money) here or possibly in the #1 spot, but here’s my response: Sorry pimpin’ see you next time. Nasir Jones came out with one of the best diss songs ever (Ether), but do I really want what I had last time? See, call me crazy but the ways I see it, Nas can’t come up with a better diss track then Ether. So in essence, what this means is that although he would go with venom at Jay, ultimately the song would end up being a let down in comparison to Ether. Perhaps I am biased on this, but that’s just my opinion. Feel free to try to change it. So with that said, my #2 pick is Kiss. I want him in there because of his lyrical skills and intimidating presence on the microphone. Jadakiss will go at any rapper hard and make sure to touch on each and every issue he can while attacking you. With Kiss, nothing is off limits. Pound for pound, Al-Quaeda Jada is one of the best lyricists in the game and can hold his own in a clash with the heavy hitters. So for obvious reasons, I want a guy that’s a bully on the mic and that will take apart his opponent.

Exhibit D (50 Cent diss):

“[…] I rap my ass off,

Fighting the champ with the glass jaw

at the Garden or Nassau […]

[…]Yeah you got a felony,

But you ain’t a predicate,

Never the King of New York,

You live in Connecticut[…]

[…] This is a true fact,

Since when has it become cool to get shot

And not shoot back[…]

[…] I ain’t got a problem with a clout,

You ain’t got shot again,

So what’s your second album about […]”

Rap wars body bags:

Checkmate – 50 Cent diss

I’m sorry Ms Jackson – 50 Cent diss

F*ck Beanie – Beanie Sigel Diss

1. Eminem

The top spot goes to Marshall Mathers. In my opinion, the best lyricist in the game. Em uses a variety of words in his songs that I have yet to hear other rappers use. Example:

“I said nice rectum,

I had a vasectomy Hector,

So you can’t get pregnant if I bisexually wreck ya …”

In addition, Slim comes at from multiple angles, thus keeping you off balance. He might come across as pissed off, vengeful, sadistic and yet merely be issuing a warning….all in the

same song. Eminem has proven time and time again that he has no conscience or moral compass when attacking individuals. Whether making fun of cokehead celebrities (hi Lindsey) , dead actors (sorry Superman) or a special female singer that denies ever hooking up with him (you realize Marshall did all those three things on wax in the span of like a month); Eminem does not care whom he offends and is unafraid of putting himself out there and has absolutely no regard for the consequence of his actions. That’s the dude that I want to enter the booth as Clark Kent and become Superman on a track to reply to the Jigga Man.

Exhibit E (Mariah Carey diss):

“Yeah, what you gonna say,

I’m lucky

Tell the public I was so ugly

That you f*ckin had to be drunk to f*ck me

2^nd base, what the f*ck you told Nick pumpkin,

the second week we were dry humping ,

that’s gotta count for somethin’,

Listen here girlie ,

Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early

Cuz I ejaculated prematurely and bust all over your belly

[..] But if I’m embarrassing me,

I’m embarrassing you

Don’t you dare say it isn’t true,

As long as this song is getting airplay

I’m dissin you

I’m a hair away from getting carried away

And getting sued…”

Rap wars body bags:

The Warning – Mariah Carey diss

The Sauce – Benzino diss (stopped reading The Source after this track)

Canibitch – Canibus diss

Hail Mary – Murder Inc. diss

Nail in the Coffin – Benzino diss