Sibling rivalry is as old as time and though it might seem harmless, you shouldn't simply shrug it off. It's essential for you as a parent to know how to deal with the issue properly.

The good thing to know is that sibling rivalry is common and what is essentially the biggest consideration is the attitude of the parents towards the rivalry. It is vital that parents are impartial and fair when it comes to raising their children. This may be easier said than done for it is fairly common for each household to give more attention to one child. Not to fret, as below are some effective tips and advices on how to go about dealing with sibling rivalry effectively.

Patience, Patience, More Patience!

Know from the start that this might be an ongoing issue and you can't solve the problem within a week. Therefore, you .should not expect your children to overcome sibling rivalry and jealousy overnight. This is something that usually needs to be addressed on an ongoing basis, especially as your children grow older. So, lots of patience and consistency is needed from your end. A note to remember is to never dismiss or ignore acts of jealousy simply because you gave up on them ever changing!

You can’t treat each child the same

You can't be 'expected to treat each child the same and you can kill yourself trying! There are some things that are guaranteed to cause sibling rivalry like allowing one child to stay up late or allowing one to go to a sleepover. Just because you allow your l0-year-old to go to a sleepover doesn't mean you should let your four year old as well. Don't give into the, "It's not fair" Strategy that children often use. So intervene early. Explain why the privilege is being allowed for that child.

Quality Time with Each Child

One way to help your children overcome their feelings of jealousy and sibling rivalry is to spend special time with each child individually. By sharing quality time with each child on a one-on-one basis, you let them know that they are not in competition with each other. You can actually set up a date with your child and let him or her choose the activity and for that entire day you can devote your attention to your child in a solo setting.

Playing the Referee during Conflict

When you encounter a disagreement or argument between your child and you are forced to referee, be sure that you allow each child a turn to speak. Listen to their opinions and give each child a chance to share their view. Many times, sibling rivalries can be easily resolved by just offering an ear. Frustrated children may not always know how to express their frustrations without becoming irritated. Teach them to use their words to express their feelings to you and each other.

Above all, never take sides. The last thing you want to do is give one the idea that you are more partial to one child over the other. This will only lead to even more sibling rivalry and aggravate the situation. Lastly, help your children by offering them a simple solution. Even better, offer them questions to make them think about the conflict and come up with their own solution. Don't just focus on breaking apart a war of the words between your children. Make sure their conflict ends in a resolution with a plan to follow for the future.

Allow For Expression of Feelings

Insisting on good feelings between the children leads to bad feelings. Allowing for bad feelings leads to good feelings. Why? Because children are naturally high in emotional intelligence. It is the nature of intelligence to refuse to be compelled. When you require your children to deny their feelings or insist on only good feelings they will rebel and this is especially true after a fight or disagreement.

Don’t Treat Them Equally, Treat Them Uniquely .

Treat each child according to his or her needs. Help them discover their unique talents and strengths and help them develop those abilities. It's okay to give identical items in certain circumstances, like when they both like or need the same thing. Instead of giving equal amounts give according to individual needs. Instead of showing equal love show the child he or she is loved uniquely. For example; "You're special to me because you're so good at art," or "I love the way you laugh," would sit well with your kids.

It’s OK to take Favourite!

It's alright to feel favouritism, but don't show it! Many parents feel guilty for having a favourite but admit it, we are only human. It's natural for a parent to be drawn to a certain child, but don't single out that child for special treatment or give privileges to that child and not another. Don't ignore or fail to acknowledge the less-favoured child and though it's hard you must learn to always acknowledge the less-favoured child as well. Instead of giving equal time, give time according to needs.

No Labelling

Don't force them into roles as that would only reinforce the negative behaviour. If one is always quiet and shy, don't acknowledge it in front of them or the child will acquire that label, or if one is always clumsy ignore it so you don't reinforce that tendency. Never give attention to the aggressor, but to the victim. Give consequences to the aggressor after you have given the victim your attention. If it all seems hard, know that you are on the right track because being a parent is the most challenging and difficult thing you will ever do, but it is also the most rewarding