A better break for Single Moms
69Is it a struggle or vacation, you decide
The more single mothers I meet, the more I think I need a divorce. Get out the mini violin so you can suck more out of the economy. I am really getting tired of all the women who are complaining about how hard it is to be a single mother. I am a mother of 3. I am married and worked full time during my first child's infant hood. I paid $1200 a month for my two children to be in daycare so that I could work full time because I was married and therefore did not qualify for any type of benefits. Most single mothers either don't know the father of their child,(according to the Maury Povich show) or the father bailed out on them. Allowing these women to free daycare, practically free housing at unrealistic rental rates and all kinds of other freebies including health care, pharmaceuticals, extra-curricular activities, free food. The other single mothers I know are granted more money than they should have. They have Disneyland passes. Eating out every night. Getting brand new threads for their kids all the time not to mention all those dollars they use for their selves. They should be ashamed of their selves.
It's almost comical to sit and watch my friends who are "single mom's" as they go out every night while their kids stay with their fathers or their government paid daycare so they can get a break from their children and spend their "child support money" on booze and clothes.
Married couples work very hard to maintain a household. Instead of throwing in the towel on our relationships we are rewarded with nearly no benefits. We are granted ppo's from our jobs only to be denied visits after past due bills occur from our deductibles of $500 plus per family member. Of course we can cancel our insurance and apply for the state insurance but to our dismay just become denied after our tax return reflect we actually make enough for one pair of shoes each. We don't qualify for food stamps, cheaper health care benefits, private school scholarships or anything else. Sadly after all our hard work as a duel working couple we are granted the serenity of paying way too much for rent on shabby apartments sucking the income out of our accounts disallowing us to ever save enough for a down payment on our own property. Way to go. If you're a single mom, You Win, You did to uncle Sam what the morman's have been doing for years. You also get to keep your sanity. No stressful job. No relationship issues. No discipline issues and finance issues to argue about. Cheers to you now quit whining and get a real job. Whining doesn't count.
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Thank you for your comment. I hate to sound rude but I really feel like married couples are getting the short end of the stick. Here we have put in so much stress and effort into providing a stable family life for our children that we miss out on all the financial benefits of being single. Not to mention the mental breaks we would receive and deserve. I am a fulltime mother and in addition I work 2 jobs in addition to my husbands full time job consisting of 15 hour days. Yet we can not afford a home or daycare becuase of soaring rent? Come on. Give me a break. I want to pay $300 a month like all the single mom's do for dropping out of society. Thanks for your support Sleepy Mom.
Dang. I just read your blog. I hope this isn't referring to me, LOL. I'm a single parent and I've successfully raised 6 children. I struggled more when I was married because my husband was poor at managing finances. I am a Christian woman who was brought up to respect the man as the head of the household. What do you do when the head isn't right???? You get a divorce (in my situation). I will admitt. I do have some advantages. It's not the mother's fault that a man would leave his family, but the mother is the one that has to bare the burden.
Not all single mothers use their child support to go out and party and drink. I don't drink or do drugs....never have. Some mothers are in school. I figure that I'm better off going to school and bettering myself than to work hard just to pay child care. That's not a good trade off because I've been there and done that. It's sad when a daycare has to raise your children....I'm suffering the consequences of that now. I wish that I had a RESPONSIBLE husband to help me with child rearing because the streets shouldn't raise a child. I prefer to be alone and SANE than married and struggling. That's why I'm divorced. I can do bad all by myself
I'm not saying there are no exceptions to the rule, TRULY< but there are plenty of women out there as single mom's, I know them, that are greedy and selfish which is what got them a divorce in the first place.
You shouldn't really stereotype, not all single mothers are like that. Just like how not all married mothers are in your shoes. There are single mothers out there that work their butts off and don't have time for themselves. You should really consider the whole spectrum, not some narrow part of it. hint hint...
Well it takes a pretty strong person to judge anothers situation that they are not in ...huh!!! I am a single mother of two children and both fathers were abusive and even after trying to work it out with both father's I figured it was better not to put my children in that situation. So FAIR, that's the basic point you are trying to make...let's see is it fair for someone to just bail and pretend they never had kids???? I mean, I would like to hear you explain to a child how that is fair....I'm sure your ridiculous explanation would go something like well you on't have the love of a daddy but we get to go to Disney land. It's people like you that bring this country to it's knees......gullable idiots with too big of a mouth!!!
You sound as if though you wish you were on welfare and living off the system and are just mad because you don't qualify. Instead of being so negative and judgemental, maybe you should try and put yourself in a single mothers shoes. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20. After being married for only one year, I was six months pregnant with twin boys. I discovered he was having an affair with a co-worker who he also got pregnant. Our kids are 5 months apart. Being stupid I stayed, thinking that was what a good wife should do. I was very unhappy, and then about six months later found out he had an STD. That was it! I left. I recived food stamps for one months when I first left, that was it. I have never lived with anyone else, I work two jobs, I do get help with my child care but trust me it doesn't cover any parties or alone time for me, I pay for all of my bills with no kind of help from the father (he disapeared)or the system. My children are very loved and I work my ass off to not have to be on welfare, but I don't judge anyone who is on it because every situation is different. So instead of talking down to single moms, maybe you should have more dignity in being able to support yourself. Oh and quit complaining!
It's scarey gow many people out there sterotype. I am a single mom who makes decent money, and when I have to I pick up a second job. My relationship did not work out, but my ex and I both get up every morning and go to work. We both pay for our Healthcare and Dental benefits,etc.. I have saved my money and became an owner of my own home , not because of a grant , any aid as a first time home buyer, but it was due to my priorities being straight.
If you think the Federal Government jips you at tax time, take it up with Uncle Sam.
Bit$#es, I couldn't qualify for assistance if I wanted to. Sounds like many of you surround yourselves with the wrong kinds of people.
Don't forget that some people are disabled,etc. and do really need the help.
My opinion about your write up is that you are inexperienced in the single mom world. If your husband was abusive to you and had a drug addiction to boot. Not to mention him cheating on you and taking your money and spending it on other females. POP QUIZ: Would you stay? This is one scenario of many on why women choose to be single. I am a SINGLE mother of 3 beautiful children. I am a full-time student and work full-time. I also have multiple sclerosis. You can not say what you would do for your children to eat and be taken care of if you did not have your husband and if you were not able bodied. If you are such much better than someone getting assistance why would you surrroung yourself with FRIENDS that a triflin like that. You could not be my friend. Instead of downgrading them on the internet why don't you try offering some kind words
It sounds like many of you have misinterpreted this for being a marraige and relationship counseling service. Married couples have set backs just like other humans. If a spouse makes poor choices and the decision is to split up than you do what you have to do. The topic here is about single mothers who abuse the system while struggling families work three and four jobs to support theirselves.
hey, miss lady not all single moms abuse the system. I am a full time student with a full time job and absolutely no body helps me and my two kids. I am about to get a second job over night and I stand alone there is absolutely no one who can help me and my kids when we need the smallest of things. my kids get food assistance and medicaid. I dont. I filed child support in 2007 and I have never seen one penny.we get assistance with childcare and it dont help when you dont make enough to pay rent and childcare and keep gas in the car. why are you judging some one like me? Yes when I get enough cash to relax i do treat myself. I work for it....I see no reason why just because I work like a dog, I should look like one too.oh,and I know who my kid's fathers are thank you and maury's show is fake I hear of people all over houston who go to that show and get paid 2 to 3 hundred dollars per appearance. why are you so disrespectfull to single women with kids? we spend all our time trying to get off the system. please remember that you and your husband work as a team. and when things get tight and rough, at the end of the day you still have each other. i have to get back to work but haters like you motivate people like me. thanks
and please how can you say we win, when the whole reason we are alone with our babies is because we lost love. How can you say there are no relastionship issues,when the reason we are alone is because of relatonships not working out. we didnt throw in the towel. there is no break for us. we dont ask for pitty lady, but we do require respect... and disney land? are you joking? whoever you know who went to disney land on the governments money,first of all, you know she probably saved or filed her income tax return and did that. Hell! when we get our tax returns we splurge! its our money.and why not if she got the money to do that? did you ask her where she got the money? are you speaking your mind to these so called abusers of the system? look you blasted people with out getting the facts. real life facts. you think our jobs arent stressfull? they are when your making minimum wage and being talked down to like your not human because you work in a resturant or whatever, they are stressfull when you get sent home because the labor is too high and you have to worry about making enough hours to pay rent and the light bill. ok im sure you get it, and I get it too life is not greener on either side all you can do is work with what you got and focus on you and yours and us single moms will focus on ours. cre a.k.a courtney
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My husbands ex does not work much, part-time here and here, just so she won't "over-qualify" to get the maximum gov't hand-outs. She gets 900/month child support from him, plus another $600/month for "extras" for the kids. He also keep medical insurance of $160/month. When the kids stay here (2.5 months over summer and spring break) we pay for everything and STILL pay her 900/month. She recieves another 720/month (tax free) from the gov't and gets apporx. 4000/year in tax breaks for the kids. We get zero tax breaks for supporting the kids also. She gets another 2000/year or so in the form of benefits for "single moms". And every benefit/subsidy out there. No wonder she doesn't work much. The gov't ensures her ex-husband and the tax payers pay her to work as littles as she wants.
Hey,
I agree 110%. I am married to a man who pays child support to his ex-wife. I know it is "for the kids" but in this case she has been going to "school" for 6 years, using the CS money! Then we pay (on top of 900/month in CS for 2 kids) another $300/month for them to fly here 2X/year, another $160/month for dental/health insurance, and another $200/month for braces the insurance doesn't cover! She doesn't work, and gets another $8000/year for child benefits, and gets ALL the tax credits and breaks for the 2 kids (about $4000/yr), even though the dad is the only one supporting them! It is a crock of Sh**.
We have 2 kids of our own now, and we BOTH work hard to provide for all 4 kids, cause she doesn't even lift one finger to try to help financially support her own kids, she know the ex-husband, his new family and the gov't will give her all the tax free money she needs.
Couldn't agree more with the original post. They are complete whiners who think everyone else is responsible for them being poor, and so they deserve handouts. They seem to have a hard time looking inward, maybe they are responsible for themselves and their lives, including their finances?
That's funny... as a single mom, I'd like to know how I could qualify for all these benefits. I've worked my butt off and have never asked for hand outs from anyone... There goes your stereotype.
I get the feeling that "married" women like you are the ones who are really miserable with their husbands and try to pretend like everything is so wonderful. Maybe you secretly wish you could be a single mother yourself. HMMMM.... there's a thought...
Thanks to everyone who has an opinion, and although they may all be different, despite what you say about an article without reading it, It's okay. . . .I understand. Sometimes it is easier to bark than bite.
You can bet that I read your entire article and I am more than capable of understanding what you are saying. What no other single mother who has commented has mentioned is this--your fixation with "single mothers" using the system and getting handouts is ridiculous. I could take every single mother that you've ever had the opportinuty to meet and they still would not even equal a half a percent of all the single mothers out there. That being said, what makes you an authority on how the average single mother behaves? You may know plenty of skanky women out there who act that way, and you could comment on their lifestyle if you wanted....but, that is completely ignorant to classify us all together. If you want to focus on somethng, why not people in general who cheat the system, like all of the married couples living off the government and community assistance out there. Trust me, honey, as somebody who does non-profit work, I've seen just as many two-parent "families" sit around waiting for a handout. So, you and your husband work hard to support your family with no help? Good for you. I'm a single mom doing it on my own, too. No husband here to help me. My ex got hooked on heroin and he's nowhere to be found...my husband and my son's father, hiding out somewhere from his responsability. Sure, you're making it...and, I'm doing it without a second income like you. How about that? As for your comment about all these single mother's whining? What do you call your little rant on here? Maybe I should consult my dictonary again, because that sure sounds like a lot of whining to me!! You should stop feeling sorry for yourself and be thankful for the things you do have in these hard times....a husband who helps you, a father for your children and the good fortune to still have your job. Just remember that you could lose your job just as easily as the next person and...OH MY GOD!!!...have to get benefits to help support your family. Because, right now, there are plenty of good people going through that very obstacle...people who have had steady jobs since you were still in diapers!
WOW Christina Smith could not have said it any better. I, myself, am a single mother. Have been for almost 8 years. My ex-husband pays his child support the way he is supposed to and I have to say is a great father, but it's still not enough to live comfortable on. I work full-time at the same job for the past 8 years. I have been the one to pay daycare and I have been the one to pay to put food on MY table, not the government. Single mothers are the strongest women I know (the ones that put their kids first) and will never think any different. I have a steady boyfriend, and we plan to get married and I can tell you right now, I can't wait to have that second income. I chose to have my son and I am the one that should be made to take care of him in all aspects, financaily included. That is the main reason I do not have anymore is because it is MY responsibility, not the governments and if more people thought that way, you wouldn't need the government and there will be alot less unwanted children in this world...
Wow what world are you living in. I am a single mom and dont get any of that and I know several other moms who are in the same boat i am in. We work had to get what we have. No free childcare, no free food, no free health insurance. We dont even go out. We meet once a month at one of our house and hold a mom/kids night. cause we cant go out. Id like to know how the single moms get free things you know. they must be lieing about something. I disagree with you article all together.
I am so appalled by these statements! I am a single mother and I have worked my butt off trying to support my kids. And YES i know who there father is, however he isn't much help to us! I have tried in the past to get help and could not! Everyone is entitled to their opinion however before you make statements like these I wish you would use you un-educated brain to look a little deeper into this subject!!!
Until you have walked two weeks, 24 hours a day in a single mom's shoes you need to stop judging others and worry about focusing on all the wrong things that are going on in your own marriage, and your abilities or lack there of as a mother! Trust me, for as arrogant and ignorant as you sound! If this comment upset any of you, that is because you know I'm right!
I have Schelle and to this day, I still don't like people who milk the system and mismanage their govt funds
Sleepy_mom says:
2 years ago
I couldn't agree with you more! I think the system allows people to take advantage of it. Those people that are truly struggling can't get help. Here I am married with two kids and putting food on our table is very hard becasue so much $$$ goes to our little ones health. AND YES WE HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE BUT GEE... THE COST OF THAT. $280 A MONTH TO PAY FOR THE INSURANCE AND THEN WE PAY $125-250 IN CO-PAYS DEPENDING ON THE MONTH.