A common problem that we face is that one parent will undermine the authority of another. This is a very common problem and it is something you have to be aware of and you have to handle. What do you do when your ex-spouse undermines you? By that I mean undermines your authority or your parenting with your child.

Let me give you an example of the type of thing that usually happens. Let's say, you set up a rule in your home that your child has to do something and he is not complying with your rule.

Divorce is an extremely common problem in the United States today.  As a result, many households are single parent households or blended families.  As a result of this, children often have one parent in their home and another parent somewhere else. 

This does not necessarily have to be a problem, but what usually happens is that because the parents who got divorced do not generally get along with each other, we see them fighting over or through the child.

 For example your son, Philip, is not doing his homework or is not doing it on time.  You tell him – he is a seven years old and wants a new bicycle.  You tell him that he cannot get a new bicycle until he starts doing his homework when he comes home from school. Your child goes and visits his other parent and the other parent gives him a bicycle. 

How do you respond to that?  You laid down the law that he cannot have a bicycle until he does what you want him to do and the "other side" completely undermines your authority and buys the bicycle.

 What you do not want to do is to complain to your child about what your ex-husband or ex-wife just did.  What that will do is undermine your authority completely with the child and show the child that you are powerless. 

The way to handle this problem is to tell the child, "Well, I am very glad, Phillip, that your father bought you a bicycle.  But of course you cannot ride it here until you do your homework."

You acknowledge the gift, you say your child is very fortunate for having it, and just say that the rule in the house still applies. This way you will maintain your authority and your dignity and this is the way you deal with a spouse who is undermining your authority.

One other thing you must remember when you are a single parent dealing with a child who has another spouse that is not cooperating with you. You do not try to winning the battle by being your child's friend. You are not your child’s friend. You are your child’s parent. You must always maintain your dignity and your parental authority. This way you will be able to raise your child under these difficult circumstances.