This story is rated PG-13 and has a few curse words and adult themes, though nothing graphic. If you are easily offended, please do not read this story. None of the views the characters express are shared by myself. They are purely fictional.

This Piece is Original Fiction by Clark Waggoner.

(c)2009 Clark Waggoner

This is part four from the collection of stories posted exclusively, for now, on Hubpages. They are an as yet untitled, and center around an imaginary small town in Oklahoma and the lives of several families across generations as they live, dream, and die there. The stories each move in reverse chronological order. Part five is coming soon.

This Part is quite lengthy, so it might be more enjoyable to read in multiple sittings.  I know staring at a computer screen for a long time can be difficult on the eyes.

Monday, February 20, 1995

            “Ok, it says to make the first incision starting at the neck and down the length of the torso.”

            “Uhm… How about you do it.”

            “Then give the knife here.  Read me what it says next.”

            “We’re supposed to remove and label everything.  I so do not want to be doing this right now.  Why’d we even have class?  Biggest snowstorm in forever and we’re stuck here with a dead guy who smells like iodine.”

            “The snow wasn’t too bad.”

            “It was bad enough.  It caused me enough problems that it could have at least done something nice as well. Do we really have to separate everything?”

            “Everything in the thoracic cavity, Dannie and Mike are doing the digestive and endocrine systems, though.  What’d the snow do to you again, exactly?”

            “It was Fred, one of my assisted living patients, as much as the snow.  I had to go pick him up at the hospital.  He had an accident.  I got a call a little before six this morning and I barely had time to get him back home and get here in time to butcher some old guy.  You know I can’t help thinking we’re cutting up somebody I used to know.”

            “We aren’t.  What happened to Fred? He ok?”

            “Evidently there was some children’s ministry thing scheduled at his church early this morning.  Fred works there part time as a groundskeeper, so he decides it’s his responsibility to get up and start shoveling all the snow off of the front steps so the kids won’t hurt themselves at like five in the morning.  He should worry more about himself instead of resilient little kids who can heal anything.  The steps are these ridiculously big showy stone things that Fred has no business messing around on in the snow, and sure enough he slips and falls before he even gets very far, which I suppose is a good thing.”

            “Hold this.  How’d you end up getting the call at that time of the morning?”

“Part of the assisted living deal I’ve been doing since pre-med.  I’m listed as his in-town emergency medical contact.  I mean, it is good patient care experience; and I do get paid for it; and besides, since I’ve been responsible for both Fred and Andy, they have gotten me out of bed maybe three or four times total.  So in the big picture it’s cool, just bad timing.”

            “Here, give it back.  So is he gonna be ok?”

            “He hit his head pretty hard when he fell.  Some law school guy found him lying upside down on the steps, unconscious.”

            “Law School? Really? What’s his name?  Grab that, careful!”

            “Uhm, what are we supposed to do with this?  The guys name was Jim, Jim Booze.  Great last name, huh?” 

            “Just set it down carefully, we lose points if it’s not intact, and help me cut these.  You think Jim is any relation to the Mike Booze from TV?”

            “I didn’t ask, but he did kinda look like him.”

            “Being a lawyer must run in the family.  So you were looking at him?”

            “It wasn’t like I was checking him out at that time of the morning, but yeah…he’s cute, gorgeous eyes.  He came by the hospital to check on Fred.  If Jim hadn’t been out so early, Fred might have gotten snowed over.  Fred insists it was an angel, though, and not Jim, who saved him.”

            “He’s in law school, looks like an angel, and helps out when you need it?  Did you get his number? ”

            “I didn’t even have make-up on, what do you think?  But anyways, I guess Fred was telling the paramedics that he was woken up by an angel who told him it wasn’t time for him to go or something typical.  Jim told me that Fred had asked him where he had gotten such fancy wings when he first found him.  When I was let in to see Fred, he said, ‘Miss Jordan, I don’t know if you believed in angels much before, but listen to me tell you that they are real and I seen one, with big wings, with my own eyes.’”

            “What did Jim say?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “When Fred asked him about his wings.  Careful you are, uh, spilling...”

            “Oh sorry.  Uhm, well I don’t remember exactly.  I guess he said what a lawyer would, I don’t know.  We talked more about how Fred is sometimes, his condition and how he needs looking after.  I told him how when he doesn’t take his medication, or if he gets excited about something, it gets worse too, so I can only imagine what was coming out of his mouth when Jim first found him.  With the way I looked I don’t blame Jim for being more interested in Fred than me.  I had to wait almost an hour before I could take Fred home, and the snow still hadn’t stopped, so traffic was horrible, which was why I was late.  So after all that, the snow could have at least done something nice for me as well.”

Selections from Fred Mason’s Diary:

            This is the diary of Fredrick Brian Mason.  It is very very private and should not be poked around in by you(Or by anyone you know.) now or ever.  Thank you.

Friday, April 13^th, 1990

…so I met Andy today(We had to move out of the clinic[It is closed now.] finally.) when we were moving to our new home(214 S. Water.).  Dr. Gebbitsberger said that Andy would be a good roommate because he is quiet and likes TV(I think Dr. Gebbitsberger did not know that Andy likes much different[Andy doesn’t even care he doesn’t know who THE Art Baker is.] TV than I do.) and nachos(I like nachos[But I do not like olives which Andy loves almost more than the cheese he says.] almost more than anything else.) which are two things we have in common.  When I first talked to him, I asked Andy how old he was.  He told me he didn’t know me good enough to answer yet.  Not at all how Pastor Casey answered when I asked him.  So I called Dr. Gebbitsberger to tell him about Andy and Art Baker and the olives and Andy hiding his age and see if he thought maybe it wasn’t too late to get a new roommate because I was not sure Andy was working out so well, but when I finished saying all that, the lady on the phone said Dr. Gebbitsberger was gone already(Because he had to move to Florida to live with all the other fruit, Andy said.).  She also said that since the clinic was closing, I’d have to call my new doctor who doesn’t work at the clinic, but lives in the town where I am, but that she didn’t know his name or number.  When I got off the phone Andy was waiting to say he was 54(Which is what I would have guessed[I am pretty good at guessing ages.] if he had asked me to guess.) and going on 25 if I had to know, but that I shouldn’t tell anyone my age, especially doctors, though I tried to explain to him that didn’t make any sense.  He asked what TV I watched, so I told him all about Art Baker and the Praise Jesus Network.  Andy said TV preachers must be the best preachers there are, and that’s why they get put on TV(Andy knows a lot about TV, he says that is ‘cause he watches it so much[he said he one time watched it for two days strait back at the clinic, I think he left out bathroom breaks though.]).  By the way, Andy has a favorite chair(He put it right in front of the TV[Dr. Gebbitsberger would probably say that is bad on his eyes, I told him so.] so he would see all his programs from it.) that is all soft and red and worn in and comfterble, though I am not allowed in it.  He always sits in it for hours just staring, I didn’t even see him blink for an entire episode of Golden Girls after dinner, but I may have missed some while I was blinking, so I can’t be sure about anything…

Sunday, June 10, 1990

...Pastor Casey announced my fulltime position at the end of today’s service.  He stood up and called me down front and said I was adopted into my new family.  The church looks so full of eyes and faces from up front that I sorta stood behind Pastor Casey to hide.  He was much braver with lots of faces watching him than me.  He put his arm around me and everyone laughed and then he told me that First Church also wanted to hire me as its grounds keeper.  I think someone must have told him about my time spent in charge of leaf cleaning and hall sweeping at the clinic.  Dr. Gebbitsberger told me one time(I forget when.) the halls never looked so clean before I got there.  Pastor Casey said Ben Wilson(He is married to Mary Lou, who showed me where the bathroom was[in the basement next to the kitchen.] on my first time at First Church.) is going to show me my duties and give me a real set of church keys(Honest.) tomorrow.  I asked if I had to give the keys back at the end of the day and a lot of people laughed after that, but Pastor Casey told me the keys are mine to keep as long as I worked there.  I am in charge of all of the cleaning and clearing equipment as well as all the plants and ground.  Pastor Brown already told me after service how she was wanting some flowers planted outside her office window(They are purple she said, and called them by some real fancy name.) so I guess I got to get ready for work…

Monday, September 6, 1992

…Andy and I got our new nurse today.  Our old one(Miss Ball) had gotten a job in Dallas.  Dr. Martino said she would be here around nine.  She got here at nine thirty(Andy said that is a little later than what Dr. Martino meant by around nine and that that was the problem with young people nowadays, puncturality[I tried to look up that word but the closest I found was puncture which is what happens to tires it seems, so I think Andy may have been confused] he called it).  Her name is Angie Jordan and she is studying to become a Dr. like the kind Dr. Martino is(Not the kind like Dr. Who, Andy said).  She has dark hair. She has dark eyes.  Andy says that means she drinks.  Andy says that dark eyed people are drinkers(Andy has light blue eyes and he says that people with light blue eyes should stay inside and watch TV because their eyes are too sensitive for things like the out of doors[Andy didn’t say anything about green eyes like mine.] and the harshness of sunlight.), but I think Miss Jordan is nice even if she drinks too much(Andy warned me not to let on we knew about the drinking as we might hurt her feelings, and that if we did it would be all my fault.).  Miss Jordan told us she’d be bringing our medications, giving Andy his tests, helping with mailing off our bills and just checking in to make sure that we were happy and ok(Which was how she put it, and I like the way that sounds, “happy and ok.”.).  She also said she could stop by the store for groceries for us on Thursdays(I told Andy that people who offer to buy groceries should be allowed a little forgiveness if at all possible.) because she does her own grocery shopping on that day.  Andy asked if she had a boyfriend.  Miss Jordan smiled so prettily when she said it that it didn’t seem harsh when she told him she was already engaged.  Andy said (After Miss Jordan left.) if she played her cards right she could be the future Mrs. Andy Biffle instead of Mrs. Hardcastle and McCormick.  Later Andy moved his chair so he could watch through the front window and watch TV at the same time.  I asked him if it was so he could see Miss Jordan walk up.  Andy said I should go count the ziplock bags if I was so curious to know about things around the house and leave him alone.  But then he said he moved it because he had heard kids messing around and wanted to see if they were trespassing(He also said he was much more interested in watching Miss Jordan walk away anyways, whatever that means.).  I asked if he thought Miss Jordan ever watched The Art Baker Hour.  Andy said no one but me watches The Art Baker hour, but he is wrong about that…

Friday, January 7, 1994   

...Yesterday when Miss Jordan came over she said a snowstorm(Andy said last time we had a snowstorm was right after the old glass plant was blown up and he couldn’t even leave the house[Miss Jordan told him he didn’t leave the house anyway.] for all the snow.) was coming.  When they was saying that it reminded me how First Church got cancelled on account of the snow one time(Pastor Casey says how no one should climb them front steps unless they’ve been shoveled and salted after a snow because it gets so icy and they are so steep and tall.).  So I went last night to Wal-Mart(It is now open all night long though I have never been there later than eight o’clock.) and bought five pounds of snow melt and two different shovels.  Then this morning after the snow I got up extra early and cleared a path and steps to the church in time for the Ladies Friday Prayer Meeting(Pastor Brown told me I did about the best job she’d ever seen on them steps[I asked her if Pastor Casey would be in to see them and she told me that he would not but that she would let him know on Sunday.  Pastor Brown is about the nicest lady I know, well maybe except for Angie Jordan, despite her drinking problems, which I have been praying on for her.] and that FirstChurch was lucky to have someone so thoughtful.) that meets every Friday at six o’clock so the ladies can pray before going to work…

Tuesday, February 21, 1995

…Art Baker said tonight that if the Lord gives you something you have to give back or be guilty of taking Jesus for granted.  I asked Andy what I owed the lord for his sending that Angel yesterday morning to save me.  Andy said he wasn’t on good enough terms with Jesus to know seeing as how he is never on TV.  Art Baker was saying that one tenth is not enough to give(Pastor Casey says give what you can and not worry about how much[Which is probably why he only gets to preach in a church and not on TV.] and I suppose giving more than you think you can like Art Baker says is better.)  and that we should give beyond our means whatever those means are, which is one of Art Baker’s favorite things to say(He loves the story of the widow and her last coin[Which is in the Bible, Pastor Brown even says so.].).  Andy said if I wanted to give back beyond my means I should find a job I cannot do and ask God to do it for me.  I asked Andy what sort of job that would be.  Andy said the announcer for the Aggies retired and that they were holding interviews(To find the new voice of Aggie home football games as Andy said the ad put it.) already for next fall.  Andy said I’d be closer to paying God back by making the football field my mission field than by sending money to Art Baker(Funny thing is, sometimes Andy sounds like Art Baker when he is angry about something).  I asked Andy if he thought the Angel who saved me would come back again(Because I never got to thank him.) if I did a good enough job for God at announcing football games and making the football field a mission field, and he said he did not know anything about any Angels, but that it would definitely take a miracle to get me that job.  I asked him what sort of miracle but he said to leave him alone because Green Acres was on.  That was enough for me to know what I had to do to pay God back and not be guilty of taking advantage of grace…   

Sunday, February 26, 1995

9:45a.m. : Children’s Service, First Church Family Life Center (FCFLC, As it is abbreviated in the weekly, monochromatic, tri-fold bulletin).

(There is a group of about thirty chairs filled with children from ages fourish to elevenish in the basement of First Church.  Denise Brown, the youth minister, is leading them in singing simple songs about Jesus and other typically popular Bible stories before the adult service, which begins in a few minutes.)

            If those Chadwick twins don’t settle down, I am gonna kick them out of Sunday School permanently, I don’t have the staff for this.  I swear, maybe if their parents would exercise a little discipline and instill some basic human values like respect and patience, they wouldn’t take so much of my time at the few Sundays they show up for each month. “Ethan, Evan, sit down NOW, or I will take you to your father.”  What do these people do to their children? Haven’t they ever read their Bible? Why are they even here? There’s the bell, thank God.  “Alright, now before we go upstairs, let’s say the Lord’s Prayer.  Repeat after me...”  Betsy was supposed to be here to lead the kid’s prayer already.  I’m not going to have time to prepare communion.  Another beautiful Sunday at First Church!  “Ok, now line up at the door for your parents to come get you.  Yes, you can be first, Casey.  Evan, let go of Angela’s purse.  It is not a toy and it is not for sharing.” 

            “Pastor Brown, uhm, Denise?”

            “Yes? Oh Fred, how are you feeling?  Oh, your head.  Come with me.  Let me fix that bandage.”  He’s a mess.

            “Oh, am I coming loose again?”

            “Yes Fred, we have fresh bandages in the kitchen.”  He should have stayed home today.  He looks a little out of it; that is quite the gash on his head.  I am going to talk to Pastor Casey about getting Fred an inside only job, something where he won’t feel obligated to hurt himself for people who wouldn’t mind if they never saw him again anyway.  I don’t care what that Mary Lou Wilson says; he is harmless; and he loves God and his fellow man, which is more than I can say for some people around here.  “Hold still Fred, I’ve got to take the old bandage off.  Fred, were you messing with it?  You know you are not supposed to pick at bandages.  Sorry Fred, this might hurt.”

            “I maybe did a little. I didn’t mean harm, and I don’t mind a little stinginess Pastor Brown…Pastor Brown, can I ask you a question?”

            “Sure Fred, anything.”

            “What do you think Jesus expects me to give back for him sending me an Angel the other day to save me?”

            “Fred, who have you been talking to?”  Someone has been filling his head with nonsense, and it’s probably his roommate, or worse, that TV preacher, Art Baker.

            “Well Friday on ‘The Art Baker Hour’ he said how if we feel the lord has blessed us, we should give him something in return, and Andy said…”

            “Well I don’t think you need to worry about giving Art Baker money just because someone found you…”

            “An Angel found me.”

            “Fred, who told you it was an angel that found you?”

            “No one Pastor Brown, that is how it happened.  I saw its wings.  You don’t confuse just anything with angel wings.”

            “I heard some student from the university had found you.”

            “I saw him too, but he wasn’t the one who woke me up. That was the angel.”

            “Well, okay Fred, so the Lord is responsible for saving you.  I think you are already giving back to him by working here at FirstChurch and doing such a thoughtful job.”

            “Well Andy says that if I want to give beyond my means, I need to apply at the college to make the football field my mission field.”

            “What on earth are you talking about?  I am not sure I would listen to Andy on this one.  I think you do a great job of ‘giving beyond your means’ as it is.”

            “Andy says that it would be doing something I can’t do.  So to do it would take real faith; ‘cause he said there is no way I can get the job short of a miracle.”

            “Well I am not sure he is being serious with you Fred, but I think he means giving back in terms of faith, and to do that you don’t need some new mission field, a lot of people make that mistake.  God can use you right where you are.”  If only Mary Lou Wilson wasn’t so displeased with everything Fred does, but she’s not even pleased with herself.  No wonder he is more comfortable with the youth than the adults here.  Can you blame him?  Fred is just naïve, trusting excitable, and slow...if we all only had those problems.  If Mary Lou wasn’t going around warning the children and scaring them with stories of being misled, none of this would even matter.  “Come on Fred.  You are all patched up; let’s go to service.  I have to get communion ready, can you make it on your own?”

            “Of course I can.  Thank you Pastor Brown, you are always so nice.”

10:45 a.m. : Worship Service, Main Hall

(Denise Brown is standing in the back of the church auditorium scanning over the pews for the boys from the eighth grade class.  They have been skipping service lately and usually distracting Fred, a sort of hero of theirs in an adolescent and friendly way, getting him to tell them stories and play games that he does not exactly understand.)

            I haven’t seen any of the eighth grade boys, Sunday school class in service today.  No Fred either, this isn’t good.  They better not be in the annex again.  Service is over half over already, I better get there before Mary Lou Wilson realizes they are missing, if it isn’t too late already.

10:48 a.m. : Church Annex, Jr. High Boys Classroom

(Denise walks in to find five boys are standing idly around an old air hockey table, listening to Fred speak in animated tones and gestures.  There is no sign of Mary Lou.)

            “What did it look like? Did it say anything?”

            “I only saw its wings mostly; they glowed.”  I knew they were out here, at least Mary Lou hasn’t found them yet. 

            “What’s going on in here?  Don’t you try to sneak out the back door Matthew Flower; I see you.  What would your parents say if they knew you were here again?  Do you guys not remember what I told you?  You are leaving me with no choice.”

            “Pastor Brown, don’t fret, I’ll have these boys to service on time.”

            “Fred, you told me you were going straight to service, you have to remember to do what I ask you to do, it is important.  Boys, you know you how this looks.”

            “But he was telling us about the angel.  Did he really see one, Pastor?  What do you think?”

            “That’s beside the point.  You boys know what Mrs. Wilson would do if she caught you with Fred during the service again? Are you trying to get him into trouble? Don’t you guys realize people blame him when you ditch service like this?”

            “But service is boring Pastor Brown, every sermon is almost the exact same.  I know I’ll get in trouble, but it’s true.  Don’t let Mrs. Wilson blame Fred, we would have skipped anyway.  We just started talking to him and well, kinda ended up here.  Everyone’s talking about, we wanted to know what happened too.  I mean, who found him if it wasn’t an angel?  Some guy from the university was really all the way over here walking at that time of the morning in the snow?  Doesn’t that prove God had at least something to do with it?  What if he’s telling the truth?”

            “No one thinks Fred is a liar, just that he is confused, Spence.  It’s complicated, and I’m not saying God doesn’t send angels, but you guys are about at the age where you are going to have to decide these things for yourselves.  You are also at the age where you are going to be held accountable for your actions, but we will talk about that later.  For now, get out of here before Mary Lou herself shows up and it costs me my job, but don’t think this is over...”

The Next Sunday, March 5, 1995

11:10 a.m. : Front Steps, FirstChurch

(Service is letting out and there are half a dozen families scattered about on the wide steps.  Denise Brown is shaking hands, making pleasant small-talk, and saying goodbye to different members of the congregation while Pastor Casey moves about doing the same on the foyer just inside.)

               “Oh, there you are Denise.” Oh boy, here we go. Could she possibly be more condescending?

               “Oh, Mary Lou, what a pleasant surprise!  How was your birthday brunch?  Again, sorry I couldn’t make it.  We had a lock-in the night before for the junior high kids.”  She makes me ill with that look.  Stop being so self-righteous!

               “It was just fine, you were not missed.  I came over because I want to talk to you about those junior high boys.  I heard about last Sunday.”

               “I handled it Mary Lou.  I revoked the boys’ teen room privileges, and as I am certain you probably noticed, they were in the front row today.”  It is funny how the members of the church who least want to be involved with youth ministry have so much advice to give on how to handle every last piece of my job.

               “Teen room privileges?  Denise, I am afraid you don’t realize how serious this is.  Fred has been filling their head with nonsense talk of angels and visions.  Doesn’t that sound just a little too familiar?  This church does not need any more embarrassment in the community! Pastor Casey has spent his entire career trying to rebuild the image of this church, no thanks to trouble makers like Jim Clayton and Fred Mason.  What would people say about what we do to our children if something, like…well, you know… happened again?” 

               “Pastor Casey doesn’t agree with you, and comparing Fred and Jim to each other is unfair.  It is this ridiculous fear of what people will think that is the problem, not the behavior of two individuals who obviously came to us for help.”

               “Pastor Casey didn’t think that Clayton boy’s claims about the glass plant were anything to be worried about either.  How did listening to him that time work out for you, Denise?  You know Pastor Casey says whatever needs to be said.  He would never openly say anything that could make the church look bad, not if he wants to keep his job, which is something you should ask yourself.  You are the youth minister, this is your problem.  If something like that happens again, you personally shall be held responsible, and not just here on Earth Denise, I would have thought you would have learned the lesson a little better last time.”  How could she… Has she no compassion? God Dustin, what happened to you? 

               “How dare you, you know what Donna, our parents, and I lost that winter.  How dare you.”

               “Perhaps I spoke too harshly.  My concern is the safety of these children, and I hope for your sake I am not the only one with that as my top priority.”

               “Mary Lou, the issue is Fred, not Jim, not Dustin, and seeing angels is not the same thing as seeing devils.  Mary Lou, I need your support, try to understand we are Fred’s stewards, not his judges.  What would you really have me do?  Tell the kids that Fred is delusional, and we know that because God would never send an angel to save an innocent in the night?  Or better yet, tell Fred himself that he is wrong, that it wasn’t an angel, but a figment of his imagination?  You know how delicate his mental state is, he needs support.”  Besides, the last thing this church or the world needs is one less person who believes in angels.

               “Silence is much better than him spreading ridiculous stories that make the church out to be backwards and foolish.  Shut him up, Denise, or I will shut him up for good.  If my father were alive, he wouldn’t sit still and let some idiot mock the Holy Word like that at the expense of the young.”

               “Mary Lou, please calm down.  It is Sunday, remember?  Don’t you dare go say something to Fred either, leave him be.”  Think of why he first came here, why we all did.

               “You should be more concerned with the dangers this man presents your charge, Denise.  You should also worry more about your own job and less about an imbecile determined to bring judgment upon this church.”

Parker Thornblad

1452 E. Division Blvd #210

March 10, 1995

Dear Pastor Casey,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Parker Thornblad, and I am Director of Field Operations here at Wilkinson Memorial Stadium, home of the Aggies. If you will indulge me to take a little of your time, part of my job description this spring has been to interview and hire a replacement announcer for the Aggies’ home games since the retirement of George Bright, who has announced home games with dignity and respect for the last twenty-five years. It is in the fulfillment of this particular function of my job that you have been brought to my attention.

When it behooves one to present a criticism of any pillar of his society, be it academic, commercial or, as in this case, religious, a certain tact is required; however, my experience yesterday with one of your fellowship abolishes the entire point of such tact. You see Pastor Casey, my use of tact would infer a sense of respect for your organization, a courtesy you have not taught your congregation to extend to my institution. The academic community has never been admonished to turn the other cheek, so I am sure you will understand my lack of self-righteous humility.

Regardless of my natural inclination and the obvious provocation, I will attempt to proceed as tactfully as possible despite my fear such sentiments will only be lost on you. I can only assume you are familiar with one Fred Mason, for he is intimately familiar with your sermons and views on evangelism. Fred came to my office to interview yesterday for the aforementioned position. During the course of the interview, Fred made it obvious, along with his simple nature and disturbingly blind faith, that he saw this position as his opportunity to pay back some kind of karmic debt to God for a “miracle” he experienced recently. At this point I asked him if he was on medication, and he told me that a simple phone call to you could verify his story. Now I am not religious myself Pastor Casey, but I try to respect any man’s beliefs, and so, unsure how to proceed, I asked Mr. Mason how he thought this job presented him with an opportunity to “pay God back,” and pray tell Pastor Casey, how much of your salary comes from encouraging the mentally challenged to give you all their money to assure salvation? Furthermore, I may not know you personally, Pastor Casey, but telling your congregation that to go proselytize during football games from the announcer booth is the way God wants them to pay him back for sending angels, with big glowing wings, to save them borderlines on insanity and insult. I hoped it was some sort of joke, but Fred’s sincerity opened my eyes to the type of religious zealotry born of extreme ignorance that still takes place in this state, in this country. The church is a place for respite, not exploitation. Perhaps it is time this country grew up to deal with the fact that it preaches fairytales to its weakest and most susceptible members. Too bad there is no frontier for your kind to high-tale it to anymore, too bad for both of us.

With or without all due respect Pastor Casey, our football field is not your mission field, nor will it ever be, and the next “Jesus Freak” you feel like sending my way to waste my time, don’t. We are a non-affiliated academic institution. Many of our financial supporters are of diverse religious heritage and would be highly offended if your brand of Christianity was suddenly espoused during football games. Honestly Pastor Casey, the idea is so unthinkable you should be ashamed of yourself for filling the obviously susceptible minds of your congregation with such fodder. If you do not want what is left of the Church in America to become the laughing stock of culture in general, I suggest you rein in your tongue, your greed and your mindless zealots, and when you do, tell them the only mission fields they need to worry about are in Africa.

Sincerely,

Parker Thornblad

More Selections from Fred’s Diary:

Thursday, March 9, 1995

...I went to the college today for my interview.  Andy said I should dress slick, and helped me pick out my clothes.  I wore my newer suit, that is the gray one, with my red bow tie(One that Dr. Gebbitsberger gave me[He wore red bowties too.] when the clinic closed.) and my black penny loafers.  Andy said I looked like Pee-Wee Herman’s fat twin brother at first, but then said me he didn’t mean it.  I paid him no mind, he is always like that.  I had a shiny penny in both shoes, for luck.  The interview was not so good.  Parker Thornblad was the name of the man who took my interview.  He said I was wrong to be there because all I was about was trying to use his stadium to proctolize people when instead I should be there because of my love of football, not Jesus.  Andy said proctolizing is something you have to be a Dr. to do.  I looked it up, he is right, though I am still not sure what it is exactly.  I prayed God to forgive Mr. Thornblad, because he said awful things no one should.  He made me nervous, but it was ok cause then I saw my friend Jim(The one who saw the Angel too.) who came into the office I was being interviewed in because he heard me yelling about Pastor Casey and wondered why I was there.  Jim said he remembered my voice and how I spoke about Pastor Casey last time(Jim was thoughtful enough to ask how my head[I told him much better.] felt.)
 we met.  Jim helped me out of the office(That calmed me down to leave, lots.), and we went to the room next door where he and a bunch of his friends were reading books.  I was very shy after Mr. Thornblad’s yelling, so I hid behind Jim at first, but they were all very nice to me and told me not to worry about Mr. Thornblad anymore.  A boy named Joe asked me about how I met Jim, so I told about my Angel and falling down and how I am trying to give back and how that’s why I came to the college.  They thought my story was funny(Especially the part about Mr. Thornblad telling me not to proctolize[I was too nervous to ask Jim what it meant right then.] on his clock.)  One of them said that maybe I could make God happy by(I sure didn’t know at the college knew about God[Pastor Casey sometimes warns young ones to not follow the false gods of the college.] but maybe they do sometime, I can’t figure a good reason why not.) doing what he did for me for another person.  I was not certain what he meant, but when I ate dinner I thought maybe he meant I should shovel snow off steps so to keep them safe for others.  That sort of makes sense to me, since that’s what I was doing when I got hurt.  I told God I liked the idea(I told Andy the idea too, he said it was probably better than announcing football, which Andy said I didn’t know how to do anyway.) alot.  I am going to call Pastor Brown and ask her if she thinks it is good.  I asked Andy if he thought I should call the number Art Baker puts on the screen at the end of the Art Baker Hour and ask him but Andy said to only call if I had money to throw away(Andy is just funny Miss Jordan says and that sometimes it is best to not listen to him if he seems to be saying something that I should worry about, I figure this was one of those times, cause he says an awful lot good about Art Baker at other times.)… 

Sunday, March 19, 1995

...Today after church Pastor Casey asked me to come to his office.  I had never been asked before so I was proud and told everyone, but they didn’t seem to be as happy about it.  When we got there the look on his face made me sad like the time Andy’s sister died and the man came and told us and Andy would not leave his room at all not even for the TV until Miss Jordan found out and went in the room and we found out Andy had been eating paper and was sick.  The only thing Pastor Casey said was I could not be in charge of my job at First Church anymore.  I remember shaking(Like the time I forgot my medicine at the zoo with Andy and Miss Jordan[Andy said he knew coming was a mistake when I had an attack.] and they had to take me to the hospital.) for some reason.  I remember standing there and then Pastor Brown came in and held my hand, which helped with the shaking.  Her face was angry at Pastor Casey.  I was confused and asked if I had done a bad job.  She said he was giving into the will of man instead of into the will of God.  Pastor Casey a shepherd must separate the sheep from the goats and a gardner has to grow a tree with fruit.  He also told her the image of the church as a pillar of the committee was far more important than any one person including him or her or me.  I didn’t understand what I did wrong or what Pastor Casey was talking about, so I was very happy Pastor Brown was there.  She took me to Burger King(She let me order whatever I wanted so I got two whoppers[Which Pastor Brown said she likes too even though she only got a pop.] and a shake and fries even though I knew Miss Jordan would never let me eat that much, Pastor Brown said she would not tell on me.) after that and I told her all about my idea to clean snow so that no one else falls like me.  She told me that at least it was a much better idea than trying to be a football announcer, but that it still sounded too dangerous for me.  She said I should have an indoors job, like at the clinic when I cleaned halls.  Pastor Brown also told me it would be better if I did not come to First Church for a while.  She looked down when she said it.  I asked her what I did wrong and she said nothing, but that God was working on some hearts(But that they were so hard she wasn’t sure if even Jesus had what it took to break[I am not sure if breaking is what Jesus wants to do to hearts I told Pastor Brown.  She told me not to worry because my heart was not the kind that needed any breaking.] them.) there and that soon I could come back.  It still feels like I did something wrong.  I asked how I could keep from forsaking the fellowship(Which Pastor Casey always says the Good Book forbids.) and upsetting God and she said that she and a few others would come have church with me so not to worry(I asked her if that would make my house a church, and she said church can be anywhere.).  I couldn’t help feeling sad though.  She told me she would do everything she could to get me my job back.  When I got home I told Andy I was going to start shoveling snow instead of working at church.  Andy said we get more ice than snow anyway and that I was too old and that there was no snow and that I would just fall again.  I told Andy that Pastor Brown didn’t tell me no and Andy said that it just goes to show what Church can do to a perfectly good brain.  Then he told me to move because I was blocking Vanna White…

Monday, March 27, 1995

…I saw my ad in the paper today for the first time.  It is on page thirteen, right below an ad for EZ-LAWN mowing services and above one for Ray’s Plumbing.  My ad says “Do not let the snow and ice jeopardize your safety this horrible winter, we are experienced and friendly.  Call Fred.  All sidewalks and steps cleaned at reasonable rates.”  Andy helped write it.  He said a good advertisement says things like jeopardize your safety to make people scared(Andy said the best way to get people to do things is to scare them.) of what will happen if they do not call.  I wasn’t so sure, but Andy is much smarter with words, so I did it his way.  When Pastor Brown came by yesterday I told her about my ad.  She asked how much(I told her fifty dollars a week.) it cost to run an ad that big.  She said that was a lot of money and that maybe I should get a job somewhere besides just shoveling snow(She said snow is pretty much done this year anyway[I told her you never know about the weather.].).  I asked her if she thought there was a better way to repay God for sending the Angel.  Pastor Brown said she didn’t know exactly what it meant that God sent an Angel to save me that night but that we all owed God more than we could pay and that was what Jesus was for.  I told her I thought Jesus was for telling people about heaven.  Pastor Brown said Jesus was for a lot of things.  She said I shouldn’t worry though, because she knew God knew my heart.  She also said that Art Baker did not know more about what God wants from us just because he is on TV.  I told her what Andy said about TV preachers having to be the best, and Pastor Brown said I should not listen to Andy or the TV very much, because they didn’t care like God does.  When she left I found an envelope(Inside it was three hundred dollars and a note from Pastor Brown[I called her to say I was trying to give back to God and not take more.  Pastor Brown said God works in mysterious ways and that I should not worry even when we think we don’t deserve God to give us anything he still does.] that said not everyone at First Church needed their heart broken and one of them had asked her to bring this to me.) in my room with my name on it.  When I showed Andy the money and told him what Pastor Brown said he said it was guilt not God that gave me the money.  I told Andy he didn’t know Pastor Brown like I did and that she said he should stop watching the TV so much, if only Pastor Brown had been there to see me… 

Monday, April, 3, 1995

…I got three phone calls today.  The first was from a young lady at the city who said she felt she ought to tell me that my service in my ad was done on a bunch of major streets by a company with an exclusive contract with the city so that I could not clean any of those streets without getting in trouble.  I asked if they did front steps(She said public sidewalks on all marked streets were off limits, but front steps were not.) as well.  Next Jim Booze(He is my new friend.) called.  He saw my ad(He said he was surprised to see I was going to shovel more snow.) in the paper.  I told Jim about how I thought about what his friend said about doing the same for God that God did for me, and that it made good sense to give back by saving snow victims the same as I had been.  Jim then asked if I liked pizza(I told him my favorite was Ken’s[Jim said he used to work at Ken’s and that he’d like to go there with me.] but that Mazzio’s was ok too.) and said he’d like to get pizza with me sometime.  When Andy heard I was on the phone with Jim he said I should ask if his dad was the Mike Booze from TV.  Jim said Mike was his dad and that he would work with him when he got done with school.  He is going to come pick me up on Friday and we are going to the buffet.  After Jim I got a call from the news paper.  Andy said if the phone rings again he is unplugging it.  The newspaper man told me that my check for next week was sent back by the bank and that my ad would only run till Saturday.  I sometimes confuse money and numbers, but I was pretty certain I had enough for the checks to the paper.  I called Pastor Brown and told her what had happened.  She said I should apply at Burger King(She said they would probably let me eat whoppers everyday.) and worry about snow next year.  She said she would take me to apply herself.  I told Andy about the ad.  He said that if I had just sat at home watching tv none of this would have happened…

Friday, April 7, 1995

            The pizza buffet at Ken’s is the highlight of lunch in a ten mile radius.  Fred does not even blink as his eyes try to take it all in.  Every seat in the place is filled as it is every day from eleven ‘til one-thirty for the buffet.  Fred has ambitiously piled several pieces on his plate.  Unaware of buffet etiquette, Fred lingers far too long, staring.  Jim notices Fred’s awkwardness and takes over, making selections for both of them quickly, before the people behind them can protest.  They return to their seats.  Fred has not taken his eyes off of his pizza.  “So how is the shoveling thing going?  Any calls at all?”  Fred shakes his head as he picks up a slice.

            “They cancelled the ad last Saturday. My check was bad.”

            “Fred, if you don’t mind me asking, how much money does the state give you a month?”

            “I don’t know really.  It goes into my account.  Numbers sometimes move on me.    Pastor Casey or Pastor Brown has always helped out if I have problems.”

            “Do you write the checks each month for bills?”  Fred nods.

            “Miss Jordan helps, but I sign the checks and lick the stamps and envelopes.”  Fred’s pizza is disappearing at an alarming rate.

            “Fred, maybe you should slow down on your pizza, it will give you heartburn if you don’t chew it up.”

“Sorry, I get excited with pizza. I will slow down.”

“It’s okay Fred, I just don’t want you to get sick.  What about your roommate?  What’s his name?  Do you sign all the checks or does he pay too?”

            “His name is Andy.  I am not sure exactly, but he signs some of the checks.”

            “Have you considered getting your job back from the church?  Or is that not possible?”

            “Well, Pastor Brown says she is trying to get my job back, so maybe someday, but for now she said some hearts there need fixing, so I haven’t been in awhile.”

            “Who is this Pastor Brown you always talk about?”  Fred’s face lit up.

            “She’s only the nicest pastor ever.  She pastors the children at First Church, and she is my friend.  She says that people just don’t see angels much like I did and that they worry about it sometimes.  She said that I also got Pastor Casey embarrassed somehow by the college, and that he was having a hard time forgiving me.  I wrote him an apology though.”

            “That wasn’t your fault. That Parker guy is an asshole.”  Fred frowned a little when Jim said asshole.  Jim noticed the look.  “Sorry Fred, I didn’t mean to talk that way.”

            “It’s okay, I have heard that word lots of times on the TV shows Andy always watches.”

Tuesday, April 11, 1995

            Kerr Hall houses not only classrooms and offices, but also a suite of technologically “smart” study rooms complete with media equipment, overhead projectors, and a couch.  Jim Booze’s Juvenile Penal Code study group meets in one of these classrooms on Tuesdays or Thursdays from three-thirty to around five.  One of these “smart” rooms is located right next to none other than Parker Thornblad’s office who, like most of the people in the Athletics Administration, worked in Kerr Hall.  It was from within that particular “smart” room that Jim heard Fred’s voice shouting about Pastor Casey’s mission fields in Africa.  The setting being so out of place and yet the voice and the name Pastor Casey seemed so familiar that after a few moments of continued shouting Jim’s memory triggered back to the morning he found Fred in front of First Church.  Fred had said, while regaining consciousness, “Pastor Casey says that sometimes God has to hit us on the head to get our attention.”  Jim wondered what his role in all of this was, why it was that he kept being in the right place at the right time to help someone as far from his normal friends and associates as Fred.

            Today that same study group, in a different but identical study room, is preparing for a test over the first six chapters of the Oklahoma State Penal Code coming up on Thursday.  Conversation, however, keeps turning from books to the weather report of a late in the season ice storm on the horizon.  Jim Booze is unusually silent.  He sits in the corner stroking his chin and thinking about Fred. 

Jim had become quite concerned since his lunch with Fred.  To Jim, the church’s actions in firing Fred and excluding him from fellowship seem like a scandal waiting to happen.  Unable to accept the church was just naïve, he spent some time over the weekend probing a little into its history.  He went and researched the First Church at the Corner of Lee and Elm at the public, not university, library and found out that the kid who blew up the old glass plant back in the eighties was evidently on staff at First Church at the time.  In an interview after the event, Pastor Casey was quoted as saying that First Church was appalled at the sin and completely innocent in knowledge and deed.  It became evident from his numerous quotes in the papers that Pastor Casey was a politician doing damage control, not a shepherd distraught over the confused and lost young man who had committed the crime.  From what Jim had seen with Fred, this was evidently still the official stance of the church on obviously imperfect members.  Jim was disgusted. 

In another article, dated even further back, in 1961, there is an apology in a letter to the editor of the Herald from a Randy Bertram, the head Elder at First Church at the time, for the behavior of their former minister, a Reverend “Chief” Hightower, who had a “sin of the flesh” that was evidently a betrayal of public trust according to Randy.  The letter promised that the new minister, Roger Casey, would be a beacon of holiness, character, and respectability in a community haunted by its past and in need of the truth and freedom from sin only Jesus can provide.  It became evident why Pastor Casey’s loyalties did not lie with Fred, and his actions had the all-too-familiar smell of a cover up.    

Jim stretched his arms as he rolled his eyes.  Fred’s church was just like any other part of Sapulpa’s society: haunted by a past of desperate attempts to hide the secrets of its heart.  Jim’s father, Mike, used to tell him some of the old legends of the town’s history when Jim was just a kid.  He used to think it was only to scare him, but since matriculating, he had found many of the childhood tales he heard around the campfire were recorded with somewhat surprising nonchalance and sincerity, given the events they record, in the oldest town records.  History repeats itself, he thought, or so it seems.

Now, sitting in the corner of the study room, thinking over what he has learned in the last few days, Jim feels guilt as he realizes what it must feel like for Fred to honestly believe he is letting God down, and for such stupid reasons.  His blood boils with thoughts of Fred’s innocence being repaid with hypocrisy, selfishness, and greed.  Finally Jim stands up.  He wants to say something, but is unsure how to say it.  The guy closest to him asks, “You okay, Jim?”

Jim nods slowly and finally says, “Hey, you guys remember last month when we heard voices yelling through the wall and it turned out to be that old guy I had found on the church steps?”

            “Yeah, I remember.  He told some guy in the athletic department an angel had told him to come announce Jesus’ love at football games.  What happened with all that?”

            “It’s messed up.  He actually lost his job at the church and mostly because the fucker over in athletics wrote some nasty letter to the Pastor Casey he told us about.”

            “What the –? You are not serious…Are they suing?”

            “I haven’t heard anything about a lawsuit. I think the church would rather sweep this under the rug and hope no one notices.  See, there’s a little more to it than just the letter.  Evidently, Fred keeps getting in trouble, like for keeping the kids from going to service at church and then telling them his confused view of things, which they repeat to their parents, etc… So he’s evidently a big criminal at First Church.  Seems like they have had a colorful history though, and a lot of it has had something to do with the young people.  Do you guys remember the whole scandal at the glass plant back in eighty-eight?  Evidently the guy who blew it up was a junior associate pastor at First Church.  So now they are way oversensitive, but it’s a fear-of-looking-bad oversensitive, not a way-too-protective one.”

            “Hey Booze…uhm…how exactly did you find all this out?”  Someone asked Jim.

            “Well I looked into it over the weekend, but it started when I saw Fred’s ad in the paper last week.  I called him and we had lunch.”

“An ad?  He had an ad?  What for?”

“He had a rather large ad for a company he started that shovels and cleans sidewalks and steps.  He evidently thought something we said meant he should spend all of his money on equipment and advertising to clean the snow off of sidewalks, even though it was mid-March.  The guy is overwhelmed, broke, and basically all alone, and all because he thinks he saw an angel.  I hate Christians.  They tell him to believe in angels and punish him when he does.  I can’t help feeling a little responsible for not taking more of an active interest when he was here last month.  I don’t know, I mean, maybe I could have done something?  But I couldn’t get it off my mind…so I did some research on his church at the public library.”  Jim answered.

            “This is a pro bono case if I’ve ever heard one.  Jim, you are totally a rich man’s kid.  You know it’s not your fault, you’ve already done more than anyone else to help this guy, at some point his church needs to take responsibility for him.”  A lot of people nodded.

            “You know, I don’t like it how it’s somehow like the Christians are the only people responsible for looking out for others.  What sort of assholes are we if we say since we aren’t Christians or don’t really know him that it’s not our fault?  I am not trying to talk about social services either, I just mean, as people, you know?  I don’t know exactly what I mean, but I do know if I leave Fred up to the mercy of that church, he’s not gonna make it.”

            “Social work only takes a four year degree buddy.  You are wasting your money.”

            “I know what it looks like, but well, I keep thinking of how simple his problems are compared to mine, how ridiculous it is to not do something so simple that would bring about so much good.  If you really listen to him, he’s actually quite bright in his own way.  I am serious about thinking if I don’t help him out, no one else will.”  There is silence around the room.  It is obvious that Jim’s seriousness is unexpected and somehow commands an air of genuine concern in the room.

            Finally someone breaks the silence, “Well…with the storm coming tonight, do you think he is really gonna go out and shovel snow again?  We can’t really let him do that, can we?  I mean, he might really hurt himself this time.” 

            “What are you thinking?” Jim’s eyes light up.

“Well, I was thinking, if he had some help, say a few hired shovels, so to speak…that, well, that that might make it so he doesn’t hurt himself and maybe even get him a return on his investment?”

 “The only problem is that his ad hasn’t run for three or four days, he might not get any calls.  If we could drum him up some more clients, that might really be helpful.”

“Easy, we just go door to door.”  A new voice chimes in.

 Jim looks at the faces expectantly watching him.  His mind races.  If it somehow did snow a lot, and everyone came, it might actually work.  Jim ventures a half smile, “It might work, and speaking of pro bono, I could get my dad to help out with buying extra shovels and supplies, he owes me one right now.” 

            “Well I am in.  If Fred needs help with a shovel, I know how to use one.”  A new voice chimes in.

            “Me too.” Says another.

            “Yeah, who needs Christians when you have lawyers?”  Laughter and a chorus of new pledges ripple through the room.  It appears Fred Mason suddenly has a work force.

            Jim smiles, “This is great, this might really work.”

“By the way, tell Fred that Art Baker is a fucker.  Biggest thief on television, he’ll take any money that isn’t glued down.  Did you know that he has been arrested a bunch of times for soliciting prostitution?  The man’s a crook, and yet he still has a TV show.” 

            “Fred for some reason doesn’t believe any of the things said about Art Baker.   We might have to publicly expose Art Baker for it to sink in, but that will take work if he is hiring prostitutes and still flying under the conservative radar.  More immediately though, we have to get set tonight so we are ready before Fred gets up at like four-thirty.”

            “Old people get up way too early.”

“You know, Jim,” someone smirks, “you look different when you’re all altruistic, sort of glowy, and is that a halo?”  There is lots of snickering, “What happened to the ‘If booze got you into jail then Booze’ll get you out’ money making scheme?”

            “I’m no angel.  I just look like one.”  Jim grins.

            “Shit, Fred’s turning you into the angel he mistook you for, Jim-bo.”

            “Women have made the same mistake.”  There is an explosive cough in response.

“I am sorry, I choked on my coffee when you said that.”

“Very funny.  Okay so, I can call my dad, get some cash, and we can go to that new Wal-Mart out by the turnpike to get the shovels and ice melt.  You guys really want to do this?”  They all nodded.  “Okay then, I think am going to call this Denise Brown as well.”

            “The pastor lady?  What for?”

            “I just had another idea.”        

Tuesday, April 11, 1995

            You know all he has done for the last month or so is walk around the damn house non-stop, like some wind-up toy that never winds down, and every time he comes through the living room he walks right in front of the television, and I know he knows what he is doing, and right now Scarecrow and Mrs. King is on and I’ll be damned if I let Fred Mason keep me from watching the best parts by walking in front of me one more time.  Made his bed he did. Spent all his money on this stupid shoveling idea and you know why he did it, don’t you?  He listens to that goddamn Art Baker like he’s next to Jesus.  None of them damn preachers know anything more than Hawkeye or Barney Fife can teach you in two seasons, probably less.  He has no one but himself to blame.  No one.  And don’t you go judging me for saying that neither, I am not bitter, I’m wore out!  If you had to sit here all day and hear him talk about that Angel, this day it has shiny wings, the next the Angel itself is glowing, then again another day its wings are outlined in crystal and probably singing praise music, it just gets better and better and like I said, if it was you, you’d figure out pretty quickly that he has no more clue what happened that night than he ever has on any other night.  He just invented that Angel ‘cause it makes his whole little delusional “Jesus Loves Me” beliefs plausible. And somehow, in his mind, that makes people like Art Baker and Pastor Casey have some real spiritual authority.  And once he had fixed in on that it weren’t not kid but an Angel that found him, well since then he has just gotten worse and worse.  You should hear him now, since the weather report said that a snow storm is really coming, well Christ there’s no stopping him now.  He thinks the whole thing is coming just so he has the chance to pay back God for something he didn’t do anyways…moron.  He is a ridiculous wreck of plans for tomorrow morning, reminds me of older, mellower Balki Bartokomous, only without the ridiculously fake accent.  He’s got so many maps he’ll be lost before he makes it off the front porch.  That is if he gets a job.  He hasn’t even run the ad for almost a week and no one has called him yet.  He is a driving me insane going on about a blizzard he wants to happen, and for some reason everyone encourages him.  Angie does.  That youth pastor who comes over does.  That college kid calling him, all they do is fill him full of false importance.  I’d think God had a mission for me too if so many people were so concerned with it.  Don’t they have anything better to do?  Doesn’t anyone else own a television?  Someone should tell him to forget this crap and stay home, watch some good old nourishing primetime for once!  His stunts sometimes ruin an entire evening of quality television, an evening I will never get back!  I tell you, I have had no peace since that kid from the university called.  You would think I live with Mike and Carroll Brady with all the ruckus he’s been making in the house.  Anytime he gets off the phone he comes in and talks my ear off about whatever it is, even if it’s a wrong number.  I missed the ending of magnum p.i. one night because Fred thought someone asked for Andy when they really asked for Nancy.  Don’t ask.  You should be so lucky one day as to have Fred’s first hand accounts brought to you every day, like ten times a day.  So after his last phone call, he comes in and is all about how this kid Jim Booze called and is organizing a work force; that’s Fred’s term, a work force mind you, to help clean all the steps in town.  Like they need any cleaning, there isn’t a cloud in the sky.  I’m sure that’s not what this kid meant, but now Fred’s got it in his mind that I should help too.  What nerve!  I don’t go out in the snow.  It is bad for my eyes. I don’t go out ever really, but especially in the snow.  My eyes are much too delicate for sunlight.  I could go blind if a loose cannon sun ray reflected wrong into my retinas.  I saw it happen once on Buck Rogers, though it was radiation, not sunlight.  If you ask me, it’s all that prancing about out of doors that is responsible for all the trouble Fred has gotten into; exposure to the sun is bad, I keep telling him.  You have to know that with Fred, he doesn’t know when to give up, when to move on, when to stop, when to do anything.  He has no sense of the order of things,  he will think a program is still on that has been off for hours, which is something he could learn to overcome if he would just take my advice and study the television guide, one of the most useful and easily illustrated versions of chronological order available to modern man.  But Fred is hopeless, he will keep doing something simply because no other idea has occurred to him, no matter how long he has been doing it.  So after I tell Fred how ridiculous his plan is, how it won’t work, and how he’ll never catch me doing something as foolish as that, the damn phone rings for like the fourth time and you guessed, it’s that pesky youth pastor.  Can’t she leave poor folk alone? I hear Fred isn’t even wanted at that piece of hypocritical crap First Church.  You have to wonder what happens to the youth of that ridiculous congregation while she spends so much of her time on this one silly and helpless lost sheep.  I could tell by the way that Fred was talking that she was concerned about him going to try to go shovel sidewalks in the morning.  She should have said something weeks ago.  I heard him say to her at one point that doing what you know you can’t is how you can best show your faith in God.  I don’t know who the hell told him that one.  I didn’t, probably that idiot Art Baker.  Fred said something about getting up at five-thirty in the morning.  I told him not to be ridiculous that he would get sick being out that early.  He told me that this snow was an answer to his prayer and that to not get up now would be very bad and hurt God’s feelings after he had gone to the trouble to bring the snow.  You know, that guy, despite everything, sometimes says something that makes me think he’s really only a hair off and if I could just get him to watch a little more TV…but whatever.  The only problem is praying for a snowstorm is like praying for a disease just so you can cure it.  That’s sort of Fred’s M.O. though.  Now I know what you’re thinking.  I talk awful about him, and I shouldn’t, but well, what else can I do when I see him estrange himself from that church and everything that matters to him because he can’t seem to figure out why he shouldn’t tell stories of miraculous appearances to any service-ditching child or job interviewer?  This town has enough of its own strange stories and dark past that it doesn’t need to draw any more attention to itself, with a scandal like this.  Of course, though, things like that are lost upon Fred, he lives eternally in the moment, without enlightenment that is.  He is his own worst enemy.  Having him for a roommate makes me responsible to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself again, and that means less TV.  You and I both know he never should have been out there on those steps in the first place.  It was foolishness, and if I don’t go this time, well how am I going to be able to enjoy my television?  I’ll be too damn worried he’s gone and had a heart attack, the fool, but it’s not like I care, it’s more like curiosity, that’s all.  Only thing is I don’t have any good snow showes, so I’ll have to wear my hiking boots and as many socks as I can fit on plus pull down my long underwear over the boots, and I hate to have to ruin a good pair of long underwear.  I feel like I’m on an episode of Northern Exposure, I can’t believe we are going through with this.  Someday, Fred’s gonna have to realize his place and stay there.  It would make life a hell of a lot easier on the rest of us if he did.  Not that I care, or anything, I’m just saying, and besides think of all the primetime I’m gonna miss.  I’m just in this for the TV.

Tuesday, April 11, 1995

6:45p.m. : The small and cozily decorated living room of Denise’s two bedroom parsonage, a rent free benefit of the job, three blocks from First Church.

(Denise has just finished her dinner alone and has washed her dishes. She ate, like she usually does, above the sink so that any crumbs would go directly into the garbage disposal and also so that the dining room table, something her brother had made with her father before he committed suicide, would not be disturbed. Denise never used the table except when guests were there. As she is drying off the counter, the phone rings. It is Pastor Casey.)

“Denise, hi, how is your evening?” Wonder what he wants.

“Oh Pastor Casey! I’m good. How are you doing, Roger? Let’s see, I just finished dinner, chicken pot pie. My mom’s old recipe is as good as ever.” I sound like an idiot.

“Oh that sounds delicious! Your mother was one of the best cooks I have ever been fortunate enough to have been fed by.” Pastor Casey, master of small talk. What DOES he want?

“Denise, I am sorry to bother you like this, but I just felt we should be on the same page about this Fred Mason thing. I am sure you agree.” I knew it was about Fred.

“Great idea, Roger, it has been on my mind as well.”

“Denise, you know what the issue is. There are too many people in powerful positions in our congregation that still remember very clearly people like Greg Anders and even Chief Hightower. Unfortunately, for now, it doesn’t matter how naïve Fred is or how harmless his angel story is, this is just the wrong church at the wrong time for someone to be drawing this kind of attention. I hope you know I personally feel very deeply for Fred, but this is out of my hands.”

“No it isn’t, Roger! If you really felt deeply for Fred, you would stand up to the Wilsons or whoever it is that’s pressuring you. You realize this could potentially blow up in their faces, don’t you? What if Fred tells the wrong person in town and then what does the church look like…some sort of Nazi social club that shuns undesirables?”

“I am well aware of how the situation with Fred could be seen; however, things are not always as simple as appearances. Suffice to say, Denise, that for now at least, the church cannot afford to be associated in a supporting manner with anyone who has drawn the type of attention Fred has.”

“Roger, you know I of all people understand the destructive power of scandal in the church, but please, Fred Mason is NOT Greg Anders, an angel is NOT a demon, and these kids, they are not like my brother or Jim or Shreve, this is completely different.”

“Denise, I’m sorry, there is nothing I can do.”

“Don’t say that. You just meant there is nothing you will do.”

“Very well, listen, I think a solution might be reached if you think you could get Fred to agree to not talk to the children anymore.”

“Roger, he loves them, and the kids love him too!”

“This is the issue Denise, and as youth minister, I think your job requires you to follow the church’s directive about their own children. Can you guarantee he will not talk to the children, regardless of what they do?”

“And what am I supposed to tell the children?”

“I think the parent’s have already talked to the children in question. But Denise, do you think it is possible Fred can play along? If I say he will behave, and he doesn’t, well, the board will want someone’s job, and there is little I can do to convince them to show you grace.” Show ME grace? All the slick talking Pastor Casey has done over the years, and he is powerless here? Quit pretending like you care about something other than being the one who comes out of this looking blameless, you can’t play both sides forever.

“Fred will do whatever I ask him too, he always has, I just hate to ask him to do something that would hurt him so much, but if I have to, I will find a way. The real problem will be the boys though, he’s like their mascot. Are you saying all their parents got together on this? I find it very hard to believe Jack and Rhea Flower would support this decision.”

“The boys will do what we tell them to, they are children.”

“Not for much longer, and I am not going to lie if they ask me about it.”

“Let me make some phone calls Denise, I am not promising anything, we should talk again tomorrow.”

“Please Roger, do the right thing! I will talk to you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Denise.” Alright, I have to call the Flowers, this just seems fishy, why would they ever agree to this…

9:30p.m. : Still within Denise’s small house.

(Denise is sitting Indian style, hunched over a note book she is writing in. The phone book is open, she is copying information. The television is on. The news is interrupted to broadcast a winter storm warning for the entire county. Denise puts down the notebook, watches for a moment, and then dials Fred’s number.)

“Fred? Is that you?”

“Yes, hi, this is Fred Mason. Are you calling to schedule a cleaning? We have many slots still available, when should we come by?” Good, he’s still awake.

“Hi Fred, listen, it’s Denise Brown. Nice job answering the phone. Hey, uhm…have you gotten many appointments yet?”

“Pastor Brown? Is it really you? Have you heard the weather report? Snow is coming. Want me to come by your house? I will get an early start, not to worry.”

“Listen to me Fred, have you made any appointments yet?”

“Well no, but the snow just started. I took a nap so I could stay up later to take calls, Andy said people like to wait till the last minute.”

“Fred, I’ve got some good news. You can start coming back to First Church on Sundays. There is just one thing, and I am sorry to even say it, but some people want you to agree to, well, not talk to the kids anymore, because it might confuse them.” I hate even saying this.

“I agree to everything, don’t I, Pastor Brown? I certainly try to have an agreeable spirit like Pastor Casey sometimes talks about. Which kids are not allowed to talk to me?” How do I say this?

“Fred, you know how we all sometimes see things differently. Like think of Andy. When you first met him you told me you thought he was mean, but how do you see him now? Do you still think he is mean?”

“Well, he is sometimes mean, but I think he is only pretending most of the time. I have done that sometimes when I am scared or sad.”

“Right, and if you think about it, you would miss him, and he would miss you if you two didn’t see each other.”

“Yes, I would miss him, Pastor Brown, but I am confused what you mean, is Andy leaving?”

“No Fred, I just mean some of the people at church think of you like Andy, and they just haven’t figured out that you are someone they like yet, like you were when you first met Andy. I guess it just takes some people a long time, and well, until they figure it out, they are afraid you might say something to their kids that they wouldn’t like. I know that sounds silly Fred, but sometimes, well, people are silly.”

“You just got to get to know Andy is all. How will I show people I am good if I can’t talk to them?”

“I know, it’s confusing Fred. I don’t understand it all myself, but I don’t think you could never talk to them again, just for a little while. Don’t worry though, I will be there.”

“Thank you Pastor Brown. I guess I can come to church Sunday?”

“Yes Fred, but let’s talk about that later. For now, I’m worried about you shoveling snow in the morning. Will you do me a favor and let me know in the morning before you go anywhere? I don’t want you to go out alone.”

“But Pastor Brown, I won’t be. I got a call from my friend Jim Booze and he says his friends and him are gonna come help me, so I won’t be alone at all.”

“Really? Jim Booze? Isn’t that the guy who found you? I think he called me earlier but I missed the call and didn’t recognize the name at the time. Fred, tell you what, let me do a few things and then we can talk about this more in a little bit.”

“Okay, that’s great, Pastor Brown. I should probably wait for more calls. It is getting closer to the last minute.”

“I’ll call you back, Fred.” I think I can get Fred some more help, this might actually work. If I can enough people in the community to think the church is behind Fred, then they’ll have no choice but play along, or run the risk of being exposed. I’ll use the prayer chain…

“Jackie? It’s Denise Brown.”

“Denise? Is this a prayer chain call?”

“Yes. Look, you know what’s been going on with Fred Mason. Well to make a long story short, since he lost his job at the church he started a snow removal company, and now that there is an actual snowstorm he is setting off in the morning to try to make money. I am worried he might hurt himself, or worse. I feel like we’ve put him in this position, and now that he is doing this, well, we should help. I also think a few well placed calls to the local news could bring the right kind of pressure necessary to make sure Fred will always be welcome at First Church, if you follow my meaning.”

“Are you serious? He is really going to go out in the morning? We can’t let him Denise. He could seriously hurt himself. He is too old and frail for that sort of stuff. That is why this all started. My husband and I were talking about it last week and I said the church had no right to declare Fred a danger to the congregation. We were the danger to him. We gave him a job that put him in harm’s way. We didn’t think he’d take it to the extreme he did, but we should have paid better attention and given him more guidance. You know, he could be just as effective and feel just as valued with a vacuum in the family life center or something.”

“I knew you would understand, Jackie. Do you think you could call your brother, and maybe drum up a little publicity?”

“You think that might work?”

“Well if they are afraid of Fred making the news, let’s show them that maybe Fred Mason is just the right kind of news this congregation needs. And by them, I mean Ben and Mary Lou Wilson.”

“Must be nice to be the richest couple in the church, all that power…But anyway, Denise, you might be right, they’d have no choice but to take credit for helping Fred at that point. I can totally call my brother, and I think I know some other people who might be willing to help out.”

“Fred’s already got some volunteer help from the guy who found him when he hit his head back in February, believe it or not, so there should be some photo ops.” Photo ops…what if Fred made the paper while cleaning the front steps again? Not even Roger Casey could talk his way out of that one…

“Sounds great, Denise. Thanks for the call. Mike and I will be there in the morning ourselves, and I’ll call you back after I talk to my brother.” Alright, now all I have to do is get a hold of the famous Jim Booze…

Wednesday, April 12, 1995

5:45a.m. : Outside Fred’s House

(There are about twenty or so students and fifteen or so more church members already there when Denise arrives. Somebody is taking photographs, and a Channel 2 News van is parked across the street. All the workers are all carrying brand new shovels bought the night before by Jim’s dad, Mike Booze. There are buckets of ice melt and sturdy brooms with thick bristles. A heavy wet snow has fallen, leaving a thick layer of slush that is freezing solid in most spots. The temperature is dropping well below freezing, and the wind stings exposed skin in the faint light of dawn. Andy and Fred stand on their porch bundled up in an assortment of mismatched gear, as odd coupled as ever. Andy shakes his head in disdain as a gust of wind covers him afresh in snow. Jim Booze and a friend are standing in the back of a pickup handing out the remaining shovels as more students and members of First Church arrive.)

Wow, people really showed up. This might actually work. There’s Jackie’s brother! I wonder which one is Jim. He must be one of the guys in the truck, “Hi, are you Jim Booze?”

“That’s me. You must be the famous Pastor Brown.” So this is Fred’s angel. Mysterious ways indeed.

“Let me guess, Fred?”

“Yeah, he talks about you constantly, no matter what the subject. He really loves you, though I’ve never actually heard him say that.”

“You are embarrassing me, stop it. I can’t believe so many people actually showed up. This is incredible. It means so much to Fred. I can’t thank you enough, Jim. I know you didn’t have to do this. If I might ask, why did you?”

“Well, do you ever get the feeling that whatever happens, happens for a reason?”

“Jim, I’m a minister. I went to bible college. Of course I know things happen for a reason.”

“Right, sorry, that sounded foolish, I guess I just mean sometime over the last few weeks it sunk into my skull that if I run into Fred Mason all the time, maybe it’s because he really does need me. I know it sounds dumb, but it makes me feel better.

“Do you believe in God, Jim?”

“Not really, not the way the Bible describes him.”

“Then who do you think wants you to help Fred?”

“I could say a lot of reasons, but the real one is that once I realized I could help Fred, I knew that if I didn’t, well, what kind of person would I be? It’s not about some sort of reward in heaven. I almost think doing it for that reason is using Fred. It’s just the right thing to do, and well, I am gonna see it through.”

“Thank you Jim. Just, thank you. Now what needs to happen right now?”

“Don’t thank me. Thank all of them. Most of them were there the day of the interview and heard what happened. They came because they know it’s the right thing to do, like me. You know, some of these people aren’t even in our class. They just came with a friend. A lot of the rest of them are from your church, so looks like your prayer chain idea worked. One of my buddies is handling the interviews, trust me, he’ll spin this story so well the church will be thanking Fred for years to come.”

“You think we are going to actually make Fred any money?”

“We’re just going door to door and offering to do their entire walk and steps and driveway for five bucks, or whatever they can donate. I don’t think people would say yes if we asked for more than that, but some might give more anyway. I know I would. Either way, we plan on having fun and helping Fred have the experience of a lifetime. My father has already offered to help out financially if Fred needs it. With the news actually here, well, the rest should take care of itself. You’ve got some nice connections getting a television crew to show up, and uhm…not to change the subject completely, but did you talk to Fred yet?”

“No not really, he doesn’t know. I haven’t figured out the right way to say it yet. What’s he up to now?”

“He’s up on the porch sort of watching, a little overwhelmed, but determined to oversee. He’s very determined, it helps that he recognizes most of the people here.”

“Alright, well I guess I should go suggest the idea to him.”

“Doesn’t it feel a little wrong though, suggesting to Fred he clean the church steps to make a photo opportunity so we can shame the congregation into giving him his job back?”

“I know, I can’t help feeling we are sort of tricking him into it. Even though I know it’s for his own good, I don’t like to manipulate him like this. It feels like a misuse of such a naïve trust, but we don’t have any other ideas. I just have to go talk to him.”

“Good Luck.” He’s right. It’s wrong. It’s a great idea, but it’s not Fred’s, it’s a move of subtlety beyond him. I’m using him, and the fact that I’m using him for himself doesn’t change that fact that I am somehow being dishonest. There he is, “Fred! Good morning! Boy, it sure is cold out here, isn’t it?”

“Pastor Brown, you made it! As you can see, my business is very successful. We even attracted the television news, which really surprised Andy. Bet you didn’t know they were gonna show up, huh? We have to go soon, but Denise, I mean, Pastor Brown, I am glad you are here. I wanted to tell you something.”

“Yes Fred, I have something to tell you too.”

“Me first. Pastor Brown, I was praying last night and God, well, I think God said how I can pay him back once and for all.” Oh my, what could it be this time?

“You mean in a way different than cleaning steps of snow?”

“Not exactly. I think God wants me to just finish the job I started the night I hit my head. One set of steps for one Fred makes sense. Andy said better that than getting lost on a strange street. What do you think?”

“Fred sometimes no matter what you think you know, God can still surprise you. I think that is the best idea you have ever had.”

“Thank you Pastor Brown, uhm…would you come with me? I don’t want to fall again.”

“Count me in Fred. I wouldn’t miss it.”

6:30a.m. : Front Steps, FirstChurch

(Fred, Andy, and Denise arrive with a few others and a photographer from the paper just as the boys from the eighth grade Sunday school class are carefully melting and removing the ice from the last of the large stone steps that lead to the front doors of First Church. Pastor Casey notices the camera and gives Denise a questioning look as he makes his way towards them. Fred notices the steps are nearly clean already and recognizes the boys.)

“It’s Spence and Matthew, and everyone Pastor Brown! Do you see them? Can I talk to them?”

“I see them, Fred. I think we should ask Pastor Casey if you can talk to them.” How are you gonna tell him no in front of everyone, huh Roger? I cannot believe he is actually here. This could not have worked out better.

“Well there’s Pastor Casey right there.”

“You’re right Fred. Let’s talk to him.”

“He is not still angry with me, is he?”

“No Fred, I don’t think so, but if he is, I will be here, okay?”

“Thank you Pastor Brown.” Well here he is, I better start this off…

“Well if it isn’t Pastor Casey. What are you doing here so early?”

“Good morning Denise, Fred, and if I remember correctly, Andy, isn’t it?”

“Yes Pastor, I’m Andy.”

“My, you guys have made lots of new friends over the past few days. I have received more than one phone call about this undertaking of yours Fred. I am quite impressed, was all this your idea?”

“Of course not Pastor Casey, God did most of it.”

“Of course, of course, Fred, he always does, thank you for reminding us. Well good, I am really glad this all happened. Who would have ever thought we would have two snowstorms, and one of them coming in April!” He is paying more attention to the reporter than to Fred…just like I thought he would. “Well, I just wanted to come by because I heard what was going on, and I thought I better make sure that Fred heard from me personally that I spoke with the junior high boys last night and they let me know they would not only make certain that everyone was present at every service, but also take care of the cleaning of the steps, just in case an angel happens to show up. I see they are already finishing up. Why don’t you go say hi to them Fred, but before you do, I’d like to take this opportunity to let you know that the elders and myself have discussed your relationship with the church and we just want everyone to know how proud we are of your faith and determination. You are a testament to what God can do.”

“Pastor Casey, I am sorry for crying in your office, I was just overwhelmed.”

“It is okay Fred, everyone cries from time to time. Fred, I wanted to ask you, since the boys are taking care of the outside stuff from now on, if you might be able to help us out with some other jobs. Would you like to be in charge of sweeping and vacuuming the activity center and sanctuary before and after activities and also be in charge of keeping track of attendance every Sunday?” Roger Casey is good…gotta give him that. Making sure Fred is in the service by giving him a job to do, why didn’t I think of that?

“Pastor Casey, can I still also be the one in charge of locking and unlocking the doors before service like I used to be?”

“I don’t see why not, Fred. Why look, there’s a man here with a camera, smile Fred, let’s get our picture taken, wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Yes Pastor Casey, and thank you for the job.”

“Don’t mention it Fred, and from now on, don’t be afraid to stop by my office when you come to work, I’d love to hear about what you are up to, because it appears to me, Fred Mason, you are indeed one resourceful individual, but now if you’ll excuse us I have some things to discuss with Pastor Brown. Go talk with the boys Fred. It’s ok, the stairs look safe now.”

“Pastor Brown, would you walk me to my car?” I guess it’s my turn with the old politician.

“Certainly Roger, and thanks for giving Fred his job back.”

“It seems Fred has some powerful friends.”

“He is pretty news worthy, I am glad it worked out to be a positive thing for the church though.”

“Yes, I see that. Denise, I wanted to let you know that it seems Mike Booze and Ben Wilson had a talk last night.”

“Mike? Not Jim?”

“No, it was Mike. He represents Ben’s firm, and they evidently go way back. Well, whatever he said, and I take it that it was legal advice, did more for Fred than these cameras do, but they are a nice touch. Whose idea was it to call the news?”

“God works in mysterious ways, Roger.”

“Mysterious indeed, Denise. Well then, it seems you have your work cut out for you, so I will leave you to it. Oh, and get him off of those steps while that reporter is still around, will ya? I’ll see you Sunday.”

“I’ll take care of it. See you Sunday.”