Snappy Comebacks to Stupid Insults
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People love to try to get your goat. Maybe you made a mistake, or maybe you just happen to be in someone's way. Maybe you rub them the wrong way, or maybe you rub them the right way and they don't want to admit it.
That's okay. Don't let them get to you. When somebody insults you, come back with one of my snappy answers:
- Insult: "You're a jerk!"
- Comeback: "Noun or verb?"
- Insult: "Loser!"
- Comeback: "Umpire!"
- Insult: "You have no class!"
- Comeback: "You are no teacher!"
- Insult: "Get a life."
- Comeback: "Get a death."
- Insult: "You have no friends."
- Comeback: "I have no problems."
- Insult: "You smell."
- Comeback: "You see."
- Insult: "You're a worm."
- Comeback: "You're humus."
- Insult: "Drive much?"
- Comeback: "Sorry, sir. The chauffeur was off today."
- Insult: "You're stupid."
- Comeback: "As an abstract concept?"
- Insult: "You have no idea what you're doing!"
- Comeback: "You have no idea what I'm doing, either!"
- Insult: "You don't know what you're talking about!"
- Comeback: "That's not fair. I know what you're talking about."
- Insult: "You're ridiculous!"
- Comeback: "I'm unique."
- Insult: "You're incompetent."
- Comeback: "How can you tell?"
- Insult: "You're an a**h*le!"
- Comeback: "That's right. I am absolutely essential."
- Insult: "You're a fool!"
- Comeback: "No fooling?"
- Insult: "Your writing sucks."
- Comeback: "Well, I guess you read it, eh?"
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Comments
lol - this is a really good list. Too bad my mind often goes blank when I am upset. I need ONE good line, that I can apply to any situation. Tears also seem to work well, especially with men :)
I'm thinking maybe I enjoy myself a little too much, Frieda?
Tears are great, Shiba. Shuts 'em right up.
I used to have a book from the publishers of Mad magazine when I was a kid. It was called "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." I like to think it helped make me the sarcastic PITA that I am today. Ah, those influencial early years. I am concerned though about your ability to list all these insults so quickly. It must just be from overhearing them used on others I am sure.
Nice hub, I wish I had this to go with my Classy Insult hub,
Keep on Hubbing!
Insult: You're drunk
Comeback: You're ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning.
"You're a jerk" is the best one. Thumbs up
funnnny stuff -- i gotta print this and carry it with me
I think my favourite snappy comeback was my mother in law's when a really nasty guy told her to "FU*K you"
She said..."You have to have a penis to do that sir"
Now THAT deserves a medal (and if you know my mom in law you'd never BELIEVE that came out of her mouth..very propper lady who speaks the Queen's english) She had us ALL flabergasted!
Funny post Tom!
"Get a Death"... this is a cool comeback... hahahahaha!!!
I am absolutely essential! -- My dad loved to point out little facts like that. :)
I'm no good at comebacks, but I love them just the same.
Really funny comebacks! You have me smiling...
Glad you all enjoyed. After three days hard excercise (for me) I spend two days in a car with part of the fam. Oooh, I'm hurtin'.
I, too, loved Mad Magazine, Bill!
Oh, Hawkesdream, that is a classic!
Thank you, Fish! I like the noun or verb comeback best, too. It's adaptable.
Teresa! Thank you for the one-armed comment! You continue to be my hero.
Sharrie, there are so many times when the person you least expect comes back with the best of them! That's really excellent.
Thanks, Needful. I really gave myself a chuckle over that one.
Ivorven, I am no good at comebacks either, except in the virtual world!
Glad you enjoyed, Peggy!
Eovery, please post a link here to your classy insult hub!
Hehe, another of your great lists! I must try and remember these!
They're at least as fun to make as they are to read!
Good fun Tom.
LOL... a good morning laugh.. thanks
Mission accomplished! Thanks Feewee!
insult: You're a cheap a** mother fu**er...
Comeback: I'm not cheap, I'm poor... so poor, when you came in my house and dropped your cigarette, the roaches came out clapping their hands and stomping their feet, chanting thank the Lord we got heat
That's pretty awesome, Feewee!
Great Hub Tom,
Witty and classy.
You want to go out sometime?
Sorry, not drunk enough to find you attractive.
Thank you, Darrell!
Ha, ouch, Cindy. Here, have a drink...
lol, okay my break is over, back to packing...
LOL, this one is my favorite Insult: "You're incompetent."
Comeback: "How can you tell?" I will be able to use that one. :-)
Ha, I like that one, too. It's truly passive-aggressive!
Comment from a super-ego jock to the twenty-ish cocktail waitress while sitting with four friends: "[Jama], what you need is a man."
Comeback: "Do you know any?"
Super-ego's friends fell off their chairs laughing.
Until that moment, my mind always went blank when a snappy comeback was needed. After that, noooo prob. ;D
That's a good one LOL
It's so difficult to have the presence of mind to have the snappy comeback. Whenever I manage it I count it as a personal triumph.
How did I miss this one? Another great list. And so much better than - it takes one to know one!
Ha ha, or "I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you." I mean, the meter doesn't even work!
"you have no friends--I have no problems" pure classic!
My personal fave:
"You have no class!"
"You are no teacher!"
insult from a man :
Nice shirt, does it come in men sizes ?
Why ? looking for a present for your boyfriend ?
Frieda Babbley says:
8 months ago
"You're a worm" "You're hummus"
Hysterically grand! Great list.