She hates my guts. She hates the way I look at life. She hates it when I am calm in the midst of chaos. She wants me to listen and do the things that she thinks is best for me. She hates it when I tell her that I do not follow what others wants me to do with my life because this is between God and me. She hates listening to my insights. It used to make me sad that she doesn't believe in me when others and myself do. I wanted her to believe in me but I changed instead, I stopped caring what she thinks about me.

"One cannot give what they do not have."

I am screaming inside because at this moment while I am writing she is giving me her endless litany. I choose to stay quiet because if I open my mouth and tell her for what she truly is, I might regret it. She is a sensitive person and she hates it when I tell her that she too can be wrong. She has no control over her emotions and doesn't discipline her mind. She sits at the corner of our couch speaking her mind in different directions and the world turns black. I cannot force her to think positively about the future and leave the worries of tomorrow for tomorrow.

She thinks I speak another language. She and I are from two different poles. Life has molded me and I see it as my teacher. Life has tossed her to and fro. I find her decisions imature and careless. Her weakness disgust me but I choose not to pay attention.

In the past, she left me helpless and almost homeless. I believe that in a certain circumstances a person will choose what they think is best. She must have good reasons as to why things were as they were. So I left it in the past and found my way to forgiveness if I was even angry. Somewhere along the way she found her way to make things right the way she perceives it. She dedicated those years for me and my siblings working outside the country. Now that she's back, she didn't expect things the way they should be.

She says, " I made it up to you and I still got lose change from the sacrifices I made."

Personally, I think it is silly, you never stop being a parent. I wanted so much to tell her to stop imposing her way on me because until now her choices are still irresponsibly childish. Do me a favor and leave me be. You were never there in the past when I needed you. You tore my heart into pieces and left me so many times. I held on to you like my oxygen but you had a life and you want to discover the world. I must understand and wipe my tears away. I have to find strength because I was alone in the world. I was a child and the world was indifferent. It does not recognize my pleas. My voice was unheard.

I learned my lesson now. I let you influenced my decision because I thought you knew whats best. I suffered alone. I have found my way now and I am capable now of weighing my own decisions, with God who was there for me all this time.