Something's wrong I know it, How can I catch him cheating?

Do you really want to catch him cheating on you or do you need proof positive that something is wrong with your relationship?

RULE No 1: YOU HAVE THE POWER!

If someone is cheating on you they have relinquished the power in the relationship to you - use it wisely!

Don't think for a single minute that I have any sympathy for partners who cheat as it is an indication of a deeper dishonesty, but let us explore some ways in which you can come out of this with your head high and dignity intact.

First of all you need to decide what you actually want as an outcome. Do you want to keep him and why or do you want to make the break and get on with your life? You do not have the power to decide if he cheats or not, but you do have the power to decide how you will deal with it - that is your strength.

When we suspect someone of cheating on us we are most often humiliated and we start to ask ourselves questions like "what is wrong with me and what do I have to do to get him back?". In most instances the answer is that it is too late; you are who you are and if that is not the right combination then there is a better combination waiting for you out there.

Does he actually want to stay with you or is he using the cheating as a means of creating a break to get out?

Do you want the relationship enough to discuss the changes that you both might need to make?

RULE No 2: TRUST IS LIKE AN EGGSHELL - ONCE BROKEN IT IS VERY HARD TO STICK BACK TOGETHER.

Discussing it with your partner is the hardest thing but also the best thing for you. How long can you live in a mess of uncertainty and suspicion? Starting the conversation might be explosive but if you can keep relatively calm you will be able to manage it by sticking to the facts at first then moving onto the underlying reasons.

So how about asking the question straight out? He might be dying to confess.. Failing that then start by saying that you are unhappy in the relationship and be ready with some specific examples of times that you have felt particularly hurt or where you need a clear explanation for an absence that did not make sense etc.. Keep it as factual as possible to start with if you can.

If he admits to cheating then you can ask why if you really want to know but this opens the door to him attacking you with every fault he can think of and then you reply back with every fault you can think of and suddenly you have both said things that can never be unsaid... In my experience (yes, I have been there) it is best to push into practicalities:

"Do you want to go on seeing her?"

If yes, then you ask where he is going to live from now on and when he is moving as you are not prepared to accept any other situation. If they want to be together then let them get on with it. Now, not in a week or a month.

If no, then you can ask when it will be finished and how he proposes to set about regaining your trust. It is at this point that you might be able to have a rational conversation about each other and your relationship.

RULE No 3: BROKEN HEARTS DO MEND

No matter how upset it may seem, the reality is that if he cheated then he doesn't deserve you. Whoever you are and whatever you did to 'push' him does not justify the dishonesty of cheating. But screaming and shouting will play into his hands, a relatively rational and reasonable "you broke the rules so here are the consequences" will leave you stronger, happier and more in control.

It wont be easy, emotions are notorious for ruining the best laid plans but believe in yourself because it is that belief that is most attacked when someone cheats. If you can hang on to you your heart will mend faster and you will find someone who doesn't want to cheat on you.

I did!

PS Guys: I write this as a female but the above all applies if you are the one with a cheating partner.