Spiders! Itsy Bitsy Unless It's in Your Hair!!
73Get Me Outta Hair!
I have few phobias. I am strong; I am woman; hear me roar.
They're hardly worth mentioning: cellars, liver and onions, and creepy crawlies. Oh, and worms. Possibly snakes, frogs, lizards, ok maybe I have a lot of phobias. I haven't had to seek therapy but after yesterday, I just might.
Where we work, our office bathroom is behind the office with an outdoors entrance. It is not an outhouse, stop it. It just seems like an outhouse because it's outside the house.
Well, it's also 4' by 4' so add claustrophobia to my list. But, I just don't tarry, and I'm fine: quick bathroom trips work unless I want to go upstairs to my apartment several times a day, which I don't, even though the stairs would be good for the derriere, but I digress.
Even talking about yesterday's battle with this little guy makes my skin crawl. There I am, looking in the bathroom mirror, minding my own business, trying to make myself gorgeous for customers, when I notice a brown stick in my bangs.
Thinking nothing of it I raise my hand to pick it out and it wraps itself around my finger. Again, I'm slow. I shake it off thinking it's one of those sticky, prickly leaves from the nearby tree. Florida has lots of sticky-prickly-leafy-thingy's.
It dropped from my finger alright. And, it produced a white string as it dropped and proceeded to climb right back up towards my then shaking screaming body. Being great at multi-tasking, I used my other hand to remove the sticky white string, while stomping, screaming, shaking and dancing like a horse in circles in this little bitty 4 by 4 foot bathroom.
The string now transfers to my other hand and the spider, who is also great at multi-tasking, shoots another string across the wide empty gap between my hands and now he is trying to decide which hand to climb back towards. I can't open the door as it takes two hands, one to pull the door in and one to unlatch the lock. (Much like the door on an outhouse come to think of it.)
My feet are busy trying to step on the ever increasing length of white string and if they do manage to step on part of it, the spider produces more. I think he could probably produce miles of this stuff.
No one is coming to my rescue and how could they get in if they did?
It's amazing how fast the brain can think when it's frozen in fear. I'm thinking: "I can't lean against the wall and break the spider string because it will then be on my body; I can't get out; I can't seem to break the string as it has some kind of alien strength or knowledge I don't possess, although I was acting possessed.
Finally reason set in. Run water from the faucet on it. (Remember the song: "The Itsy Bitsy Spider ....ran up the water spout, down came the rain and WASHED the spider OUT?")
Daring that spider to make one more move, I lean towards the sink, mind you I'm still dancing, prancing, and screaming and shaking. I turned the water on with my spider webbed fingers and .... Magic.
Down went the spider in the water pipe. I throw open the door and burst into the light...and lived to tell the tale.
Poor spider. I care not where he is.
I am now a cold-hearted-spider-hating woman. Hear me roar.
Spiders! Itsy Bitsy Unless It's in Your Hair!! in the News
- Briton 'tried to smuggle 1000 live spiders out of Brazil on aeroplane'Daily Telegraph2 days ago
A Briton trying to board a flight out of Brazil was arrested with 1000 live spiders in his luggage.
- Citizenship lessons to teach children respect for wormsTimes Online12 hours ago
Good citizenship is not just a question of respect for one’s fellow humans, it seems. The government has decreed that children should be taught not to hurt a fly.
- The 'Celebrities'News Of The World10 hours ago
80s page 3 legend Samantha Fox will appeal on two fronts - and, no, we don't just mean her boobs.
- All hail the new jungle queenNews Of The World13 hours ago
Watch your back, Davina. Start trembling, Tess. There's a hot new chick on the TV presenting block and she just happens to have landed the jammiest job in television.
- Sea Monkeys and the Great Salt LakeAlbert Lea Tribune20 hours ago
My neighbor Crandall stops by. “How are you doing?” I ask.
- OAK TERRACE SCHOOL: Spiders improve reputation at presentationHighland Park News5 days ago
Oak Terrace first-grade students showed little fear of spiders last week during a spider presentation from the Lake County Discovery Museum.
- Don't let these critters bug you on the trailOrange County Register4 days ago
EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the third part in a series on hiking in Orange County. The bugs that can be found on OC trails might also live in your back yard. Here are local insects to watch for and how to avoid them. Spiders You are about as likely to...
- The Plants that Eat AnimalsSanta Barbara Independent30 hours ago
Resisting the idea that plants can eat animals, botanists studied carnivorous plants for centuries before acknowledging their carnivorous nature.
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Comments
Your stories are better than a cup of joe. Thanks for the hub before I go to work. I'll be looking out for spider's on the job site. I'll squirt them with my water bottle.
ewww me too...they may not hurt me, but they make me hurt myself. LOL thanks for reading and commenting!
Minnie's Mom -- thanks for reading and watch out for those creepies!! They're everywhere!
Spiders, the kind that wrap their legs around your eyeball when you're sleeping and then ....Wait, we are bigger then them! We can out run them, stomp them.I bet there's a spider lurking in that stack of papers behind you!
Sorry - spiders are indeed one of the most fearsome creatures. What makes them so horrid? It's not logical, makes no sense, yet I agree with you - spiders eeehhhhh...liver and onions! Good story - you've got style!
thank you!!! So glad you enjoyed it!!
and i just hate the little boogers I don't know where they are on the food chain....what eats a spider? Snakes? Lizards? chickens? i guess they have a purpose, just not in my hair!
As always, your writings put us right there with you and this time it was in that tiny bathroom with Mr. Spider! Eeeww, but yet I laughed. Why? Because I too have a thing about spiders. Gosh I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about it again! Thanks for sharing!
How about the tribes in the Amazon that toss tarantulas into a fire, roast, and eat them? That's a feast! lol...I guess its no more bizarre then eating lobsters.
Ooohhh, what about Charlotte? And the Native American Spider Woman who was insrumental in creating the world? Cut the poor little guys some slack. LOL!
hubsub Urban Mom, what a nice compliment. my skin still crawls...LOL Thanks for reading and commenting...
Smiling Cat -- ewww eat a tarantula? I guess it's what you're used to...I've read people eat cockroaches too....I'll take mine with ketchup....the fries I mean...
Thanks for reading and commenting!!!
Storytellersrus, You're right I forgot about Charlotte -- she was cute...and Spider Woman was powerful!! but they weren't in my hair hahaha
thanks for reading and commenting!!
The comments on this hub are almost as great as the hub! When you are truly afraid of something, encountering it close up is not always the masterful zen-like experience you want to have. I am really afraid of heights, and after a forced death march up Delicate Arch at Arches National Park, I've decided to let the fear alone. The experience definitely did not free me from the fear.
I woke up with a spider crawling on my face the other night. I was glad it wasn't a scorpion. Fortunately we haven't seen any of those around lately. Do you have scorpions in Florida?
Cheers!
wannabwestern -- fears are hard to shake...so are spiders. LOL yes, we've all had something that creeps us out!! thanks for stopping by to read and comment - I appreciate it!!
A tale well told, marisuewrites. Had me transfixed to the page. I've often behaved in the same manner when a spider turned up unexpectedly. I remember reading years ago in a newspaper that a girl who had one of those hairdos that are held in place with hairspray discovered that spiders had constructed a nest in hair -- It still gives me the chills. Thanks for the compelling story.
I am not sure a video would have been as entertaining. But next time, take the video camera with you just so we can judge which is more entertaining - the visual or your description.
yikes! I have chills...I think I might have had a heart attack in that little bitty bathroom!
thank you all for commenting...it was a dance to see and I'm glad no one did!! No one had even heard me screaming...sniffle. I was all alone in there with the big bad spider I could hardly even see. Again, I care not where he is. LOL
Thanks for stopping by to read!!!
Great story, Marisue. Hilarious. We must remember, during these times of life-threatening horror, (I admit it, I'm just blatantly making fun of you... 8-) how much BIGGER we are than spider!
It doesn't take much of a creepy crawly to bring me to my knees. I'm a big scaredy cat.!!! I think this was like those camel spiders...kinda sorta....maybe. wellll
it seemed like it when it was comin' at me back up that string....kinda sorta maybe.
thanks for reading and laughin at me, it's ok i can take it. (LOL)
It's only fun 'cause you're such a good sport!
As big as a camel spider, you say...
I try !! and it was too big course I didn't look real close cuz I was busy panicking.
Marisue, your writing engaged me every single second. I could just see your poor hands with that sticky stuff multiplying. For a minute, I thought perhaps you were going to get all wrapped up and put away for a late-night spider snack. But a childhood song came to the rescue instead. Great story telling!
I found this for you...
It was so science fiction, in front of my face!!! too funny, I loved the youtube video with the girl dancing!! Thanks for reading!@!
I found out I can move pretty fast for a baby boomer.
Hi Marisue,
I heard a similar story to the one William Torpey told. Supposedly some girl (back when beehives, french twists and curls piled on your head were popular, some girl coated it with sugar water, and slept in the same hairdo for a few months (again, supposedly), and it was told she died and when they found her she had maggots living in her hair and head. Probably a false story, but when I heard it, well talk about being 'creeped' out,,,,,,,
Thanks for sharing,
Trish
Hi Trish!!! Thanks for stoppin' by....now my head is itchin' just thinking about it. I never teased me hair much -- always thot it looked like a rat's nest....guess i was close to right.! ewwww makes my skin crawl. ahah =)
I had one of those geckos drop in my hair when I was in Florida. I screamed like the little girly that I am. I hate spiders too and would hate to think of one of those getting entangled.
Great job.
Oh my goodness, I can see myself in that story!
It is funny when reading it, but it would not be funny to live it!
Don't worry, our phobias keep us sane...lol
Our phobias keep us sane, and hoppin! LOL Thanks so much for reading!!
mariesuewrites, you could have done a Constant Walker on him and turned the faucet on by magickal incantations. No, but I know. Spiders are my one dread too. Weird cos they're only little things really. It's all those legs and eyes....
Hi CJ, and they are so unpredictable....they hop, slide, and freeze...you never know which one. I tremble in their power.
thanks for stopping by =)
Wow! That was one determined spider to keep shooting lines to different parts of your body! But maybe Florida spiders have to be able to attach themselves to things quickly, what with all the hurricanes and hanging chads. =)
Where I live, it's brown recluse spiders to watch out for. Problem being since they're recluses, ya rarely see 'em...only find out they've been around when the skin around their bite turns black and the flesh starts disappearing. Seriously.
Then there are the wolf spiders. They're really creepy because they're usually HUGE. Had one in my kitchen once that was as big as my fist...wouldn't be coaxed into a coffee can to be taken far FAR away...it LAUGHED when I tried to swat it with a fly swatter...eventually was able to sneak up on it with a baseball bat...you DO NOT want to know what a mess that was to clean up.
However, being locked inside a 4' X 4' enclosure with anything having more than two legs would make me do the same things you did. Spiders! Ewwwww!
Jama, ewww your story of spiders makes my skin crawl. I was bitten once by a brown recluse and you're right my thumb did lose some skin, but healed completely, surprisingly enough.
ick, I can hear the crunch of your spider. owitjlsdfsttttttk!
I moved parts of my body that hadn't move in years in that 4 x 4 room of spider dance. lol
nashomega says:
18 months ago
Great Hub!
But you reminded me of the thing i fear and hate most! Bugs and Spiders!!!