"MY ex-colleague John" isn't the sort of man you'd notice, much less be afraid of. A single in his late 30s. You'd never believe he's an admin manager who is well-off. In case you're wondering, I'm not being mean about his because of what he's been doing to me. Ask any of his colleagues and they'll describe his in the same way.

For six months, I wasn't aware that he existed, even though he worked in the same section as me.

The only time we talked was when we were given a small project to do together. It lasted only a few days, and when the project ended, I took his out for lunch to thank him, we chatted about work and that was the end of our contact with each other.

Little did I realise what I had done. For some reason, I was the person he'd been waiting for all his life and began to look at me with new eyes. Of course, I was blissfully unaware of that and, when I got transferred to another department a few months later, he slipped my mind completely.

As ours was an open-plan office, it was normal for colleagues to drop by and chat anytime. He used to do that, occasionally bringing a small present or two. His desk warming gift was plants. At tea time, he'd occasionally appear with breads and a cup of coffee.

I didn't think very much about it because everyone was quite friendly in that small office. The only troubling thing was that John couldn't take a hint. The plants died, I didn't drink the coffee and gave the breads away. The next time he brought more coffee, I told his I didn't drink coffee but he still continued to leave them on my desk.

Even weirder, he used to go into the office on weekends to sit at my desk I used to get SMSes from his saying: "You forgot to take your laptop home" or "I've tidied up your desk for you." Later, he told me that he would place herself in strategic spots in the office just so he could smile at me when I walked past.

It was beginning to look like he wanted to draw closer but it never crossed my mind that he had a crush on me.

I'd never given his reason to think, and everyone in the office knew I had a girlfriend.

SMSes at 4am

Last August, I quit my job. The day I resigned, John came up to me, said he had something to tell me and pulled up a chair at my desk "I heard you had resigned and I'm so upset: he said." You can't go away without knowing about my feelings for you. I've always respected you and liked you. I'll miss you so much."

As he talked, I could feel the hair on the back of my neck standing. This didn't sound normal. Though he didn't say: "I love you," I knew what he was hinting at because he said things only a lover would say like: "I can't go on without seeing you every day." That really creeped me out.

Thank goodness I was leaving the place, I told myself.

Then the SMSes started. At first, they were quite innocent. "How are you? I'm sitting in my garden this weekend watching the fish," said one. They read just like SMSes a friend would send to update you on what's happening in his life so I just deleted them without responding. I figured that he'd soon get the message.

But the SMSes continued, getting more and more frequent. Sometimes, I'd get three in one hour, usually at about 6pm, when he got back from work And they became intimate, going from "My life style has changed in the past 10 years because of you" to "this is a freak show asking his angel for a chance to be loved just once in its lifetime".

He called me too, but I would recognise the number and not pick up the call. Once, I got an unfamiliar number and answered it, thinking it was my friend calling from overseas. It was John, wanting to know what I was doing.

"I'm busy now," I told his and hung up. Frustrated, he later messaged me to say he'd called my old office extension just to hear my voice on the recorded message.

Maybe because I wasn't available to his, he started imagining scenarios of us together. "You were just something out of dream," one started. Then he would write about "how beautiful we would be together" and made up incidents. "Did you like your Christmas present?" he asked even though I never picked it up from his.

He saw our talk in the office as something quite different now. We'd been talking at my desk, in front of our other colleagues but he remembered it as: "You leaned against me and I had to prop you on the sofa." He said he was sexually confused because he'd been molested as a child and insisted: "Only you can rescue me."

The messages got more explicit and would come late into the night. One woke me up at 4am, full of things he would love to do to me. ''I'm up again," read one of the milder bits. "This happens every night. Thinking of you and me, sometimes my entire body shakes, sometimes I cry."

It turned into fear

The easiest thing would be to turn my phone off but I can't do that. Neither can I change my number because all my clients were familiar with it.

It reached a stage when I flinched every time the SMS beep went off. The messages came in spurts - sometimes two whole weeks would go by without me hearing from his then, just when I think I can relax, he will send four in a row. In five months, he had sent me more than 30 messages, many in the wee hours of the morning.

When I told my friends about my phone stalker, they all treated it like a joke. "Come on, what can he do to you? Rape you?" one said. At first, I laughed along but it soon became beyond a joke.

John may not have threatened me physically but I still feel disgusted by the whole fiasco. Every time I get an SMS, I feel like taking a bath.

My girlfriend got worried too. Everyone thought he was harmless because he was only sending letters but see what happened

His fear is rubbing off on me. It's been three days since John's last early-morning SMS but I haven't been able to eat or sleep from worrying. It may just be SMSes now but there's no knowing what he might do when he gets fed up of me not responding. He knows where I work and live and can easily find me if he wants to.

I was so scared that I actually called the police to ask for advice. "Do you want to file a report?" the investigating officer asked. "But what if he gets angry and comes after me?" I wanted to know. He said he couldn't do anything until I filed that report - which I am reluctant to do. I want John to stop, not go to jail.

Despite everything, I pity his because he sounds like he has a genuine problem and can't help herself. From his SMSes, it seems his job means a lot to his and I'm worried that if I complain to his company, he's going to get fired.

That's why, for the longest time, I did nothing, hoping he'd stop on his own when he realised he wasn't going to get any response from me. But my pity has its limits. I can't let my sympathy for his take over my life. Besides, if he's mentally ill, he'll need professional help.

I've consulted a lawyer to see what can be done to stop his. He says the first step will be to ask a third party to talk to John so that's what I've done. A former colleague, who's still with the company, is willing to help. He will set up a meeting with John and gently tell his how the SMSes are upsetting me. Hopefully, it'll work.

If John doesn't listen, I'm prepared to do anything I can to stop his, even if it means having gone to court. That will cost me thousands of dollars, which I can ill afford at the moment, seeing as I've just started a new job but it'll be worth it if I can just get on with my life. I'm tired of jumping every time my message beep goes off.

Most stalkers don't realise they have a problem, when in reality; they could be psychotic, obsessive or delusional.

The de Clerambault syndrome, or erotomania, for example, is a condition where a person has a delusional belief that another person (usually of a higher social standing) is in love with him. This condition is more commonly found among women, usually single.

Their victims tend to be older men of higher social status but can also include women. The problem is compounded by loneliness, but mainly, she is trying to escape her life by creating a story or even a whole new life in her mind. Someone could stalk due to anger, hatred, or revenge for past abuse or betrayal. She usually stalks whom she thinks can help her solve her problem.

DO not

- Entertain his or feel sorry for his.

- Cut off all contact because he may find other ways of reaching you. Instead, look for a safe way he can contact you - like keeping the number only for his SMSes but turning the phone off.

- Confront the man because it may anger his.

- Show your fear or he may use it against you.

- Accept any gifts or things from his.

DO

- Make sure someone is with you at all times, especially at night.

- Make sure that your house is secure.

- Be alert, firm and in control.

- Keep a diary so that if you decide to make a police report, you have a record. Seek police protection if you feel your life is being threatened. ~

- Talk to others or seek professional help.