Stop Dating Mr. Wrong!

Where have you been? Where are you now? Where would you like to be? These three questions should be on your mind every morning, and you should have some kind of answer by evening. Without answering these three questions, how are you ever going to get what you want?

Let's look at an example. Since you're reading this site, I can assume that one of the things you want is a healthy relationship with a good man. First, ask yourself, what's your relationship history? Have you been involved with a man who has proved dangerous to your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or sexual health? Do you come from a home where that sort of relationship was normal? Have you seen other women in a relationship with a dangerous man and resolved that it will not happen to you?

On the flip side, have you had relationships with good men, nice men, but just not felt that spark? Have you broken up with a good man because he just wasn't "the one," or because you find yourself more attracted to dangerous men? The answers to all of these questions are extremely important. For more in-depth questions and what to do with the answers, I highly recommend Sandra Brown's How to Spot a Dangerous Man series for all women, whether they have a dating history filled with dangerous men or not.

Carefully evaluate whether your past choices have added to or detracted from your personal happiness. In the case of being more attracted to dangerous men, I'm willing to bet that acting on that attraction has led to significant unhappiness. You can't let yourself be ruled by your passions. You may feel very passionate about a dangerous man, but if your internal warning system goes off you should pay attention to it. If you get a rush instead of a warning, you need to reprogram your warning system. The How to Spot a Dangerous Man series can help you with that too.

Likewise, if you have broken up with "good men" who you just weren't attracted to, there is nothing wrong with you. You need attraction and chemistry in a relationship. It's something you know when you see it, but it's hard to pin down without a plan. That's where the "good man list" comes in. I've posted a starter list for you - these are the basic qualities that everyone agrees a good man should have. If your man is missing even one of these, you are in trouble. There are more to come next month as well.

If you keep breaking up with good men and then feeling guilty because your mother/his mother/ your grandma/ your coworkers keep telling you that you made a mistake, STOP. How are they supposed to know what you want? Everybody wants something different, and if you go by what other people say instead of what you know in your heart, you will spend the rest of your life feeling that you settled for second best. I have a feeling that if there was a "self-seduction guide" out there that would teach women how to force themselves to fall in love with the "right" man, it just might become a bestseller. And then of course every copy would be returned because it wouldn't work. You can reprogram your internal warning system, you can identify the qualities you want in a man, and you can choose to go out only with the best of the bunch, but you can't tell yourself you'll be okay with a man who simply doesn't do anything harmful to you. If he doesn't do anything good for you on that deep level of attraction, you'll sabotage your own chance for true happiness, as well as his. You simply aren't doing anybody any favors by staying with a man you aren't attracted to.

The good news is, you still have some level of control. You certainly aren't doomed to be attracted only to dangerous men. And you aren't doomed to a lifetime of bland companionship. If you monitor the company you keep, you can control the quality of men in your dating pool. If you surround yourself with men who fit your profile of a good man, then sooner or later you will be attracted to one. Here's a secret: Women are emotionally integrated beings. If you are "best friends" with a man, if you trust him and respect him, then attraction will come. This is the principle that predators work on, which is why you need to be aware of this quality in yourself. But its usefulness isn't limited to self-defense. If you pay attention to the signals that your body, mind, and spirit send you, attraction will no longer be a problem, and will in fact help you make better decisions about your relationships.

by Paula Richey

Reprinted with permission from the Date-Good-Men.com Newsletter

Women are obsessed with beauty. Even when there are no men around, women take care to look good. In magazines, it seems like four out of five pages are ads for beauty products - hair products to reduce frizz, add volume, create texture, straighten, curl, and hold in place, skin products to moisturize, reduce oil, clear up breakouts, hide and repair imperfections, and several dozen varieties of diets. On TV, beautiful women advertise everything from beer to software. You know why? There are three things that attract everybody's attention in ads: babies, puppies, and hot chicks. And some ads aren't appropriate for babies and puppies, but beautiful women can advertise anything.

The result of this is that beautiful women are everywhere. Giant glamorous faces on billboards. Sultry magazine models. Hollywood "it" girls. Ubiquitous TV moms that are never homely and hardly ever chubby. Newscasters and weather forecasters with big bright shiny smiles and abnormal levels of the perkiness hormone. (Except in Russia. I'm pretty sure that's the country where they get their female ‘casters to "flash" more than a smile.)

With this abundance of feminine beauty, you'd think we'd be experts on what makes a woman beautiful, right? Not even close.

For instance, there is a hot Hollywood star that I'll name in another article, who has all the beauty, all the brains, all the talent, and all the wealth she could ever need to be a success and a role model and a light for every other girl in the world with a screwed-up family. Girls could look at her and say, "I can overcome my bad start in life and become like her." Except I hope they don't, because the girl I'm thinking of keeps flunking rehab, has had some DWI wrecks, and even has some "friends" preparing to sue her.

What's more, there are at least five other Hollywood stars who match this description perfectly. I'm starting to wonder if any are left who aren't looking at a jail sentence.

This girl is going to lose her beauty from living too hard. She'll lose her brains, either burning them out on drugs or splattered on a road somewhere. Her talent won't do her any good when her reputation is ruined - no one will hire a girl who doesn't show up. And when the work dries up, so will the wealth.

What's the core problem here? She isn't taking care of her health. There's more to it than the checkup at the doctor. She needs to care for herself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, sexually, and socially. All seven areas are suffering, and she's suffering too. God only knows what she's like when she's with herself. I imagine she can't handle it.

Her beauty is only a lucky mix of good genes and youth. Her poor self-care is going to destroy it.

Beauty is health. If you are healthy, you don't have to rely on good genes and youth to keep you popular. Popularity doesn't have to be your reason for living. Busting your health for popularity will never happen. The whole vicious cycle will be stopped before it can start. Women can start off homely and awkward and age gracefully into beautiful women - because real beauty isn't what you start with, it's how you care for yourself.

And for any Hollywood girls out there - I'm praying for you.

Recently I received an email saying that this hub was flagged as spam. I was shocked. I write good, original content, and while I reference my website I didn't think I was siphoning visitors from Hubpages to my site - until I took another look at my hub.

It seems that I've been so caught up in developing my new website that I've only had time for short updates to this hub - and because my website has been what's mainly on my mind, that's what my updates have been about. Now I can easily see where Hubpages got the impression that I was using my hub solely to promote my website. (Oops!)

So I've removed the posts about my website, and will be limiting the links to my site to the RSS feed block. If you want to know when I have new articles up, you can find them there.

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, and I promise to give more thought to my Hubpages contributions in the future.

Inside of Me by Shellie R. Warren is a gripping, true story of Shellie's past as a promiscuous young woman, with a history of abortions and a habit of being the "other woman" in her relationships. This honest and thought-provoking self-portrayal leads you through her darkest moments and her greatest triumphs as she learned to create a new life and a new reputation for herself.

This book will bring you hope that no matter what the path you are on, you still have the power to make better choices and a better life for yourself.

You may be asking yourself, why go through the trouble of breaking up with my guy, even though I know he isn't right for me?

Or, he's more trouble than he's worth, but at least he's somebody?

Or, even worse, I know I should break up with him, but I'm afraid of what he'll do?

Maybe you have no problem breaking up with guys, but you're sick of attracting the same kinds of losers over and over again.

Bottom line, you know something isn't right, but you haven't been able to fix it. This feeling does not mean there's something wrong with you. In fact, it means something's right.

This uncomfortable feeling you have about your relationship is your internal warning system, and it tells you that you can't afford to put up with this man. These red flags are up and warning you that the guy you're with is actually dangerous to some aspect of your health!

Think about it. Is he emotionally draining to be around? Does he play mind games with you? Does he stifle your natural inclinations to be fun, spontaneous, spiritual? Does he ever put you down or disrespect you? Is he unreliable, childish, or self-centered? Has he ever, even just once, even just mildly, harmed you physically?

If so, then he is damaging you. And you don't have to put up with it! Get rid of that loser and find someone who you can have a real relationship with, one that will bring you joy, not pain and frustration.

According to Sandra Brown, a licensed therapist, a "Dangerous Man" is one that harms one or more of these aspects of your health: mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual. Sandra has worked with both the abused women, and the abusive men, and has come to know the dynamics of these damaging relationships inside out. She has made it her life's work to educate women so that they can make choices that will end the abuse - for good!

She has now written a series of e-books to help you see these losers coming, stop attracting them, and get away from them safely. These e-books use proven psychological principles to analyze both the men you choose and why you choose them, and show you how to stop attracting them, drop the one you've got, and roll on out the door! Even though the science is sound, they're written in plain, easy to read language, not meaningless psychobabble. The personal stories are riveting, and the discussion of the types of dangerous men is uncanny and eerie. You may see someone you know or have even dated reflected in the pages of this book! See the link below this article, check out the website, read the history and the stories posted there, and make your decision: Are you going to continue being unhappy ever after, or are you going to take the steps to make room for real love in your life?

who keeps attracting flies? Have any of your boyfriends been too needy, too aggressive, too paranoid, or even too creepy? Did you start out thinking you were in love, but then realize that you were dating yet another pain in the ###? Have you uncovered outrageous lies or abnormal behavior, maybe even addictions?

Ever wonder, "How do these men find me?"

I have good news for you. The truth of the matter is, you are subconciously attracting these men, and if you consciously make different choices, you'll never date another loser again. You can learn how to spot these men coming from a mile away, how to see through the lies they tell you in order to worm their way into your life, and, if you're currently stuck with one, how to get rid of him.

The secret is in your own body, mind, and heart. Whenever you're seeing someone who isn't good for your mental, emotional, spiritual, sexual, or physical health, you are warned from within.You may be too worn down by years of dating Mr. Wrong to notice anymore, but the signals are still there. They're just buried under all the "I need a boyfriend" junk you've been telling yourself. And you can dig them back up again and use them to steer clear of all the "Mr. Wrongs" out there and make yourself available for Mr. Right!

You may be thinking it isn't so simple. You my have been doing this for so long that change seems impossible. You may think you are doomed to attract losers who do nothing but make you unhappy and wear you down more.

All right, so it isn't easy. But help is available!

Sandra Brown, a licensed therapist and public speaker, has written not one, but three e-books for you! Her definition of a Dangerous Man is one who messes with any aspect of your health - mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual. She knows why they plague you, and she's not afraid to tell you why. Her books don't hide behind politically correct need-a-degree-to-understand-it terms. She lays it out plain and simple, so that it's easy to understand exactly what to do to get your relationships back under control.

She also includes real-life examples. These stories from real women in dangerous relationships are absolutely fascinating. See exactly what other women have experienced and how their dangerous man showed his true colors.

So click the link below and check out her website. Find out how her series of instantly downloadable e-books can help you stop dating Mr. Wrong TODAY!

BY: Sandra L. Brown, M.A

Author of: How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved

All relationship choices are not the same. The bad ones we choose to be in a relationship with can change our futures or our lives forever. The recent stories of Lori Hacking and Laci Peterson remind us of the potential of our relationship patterns and ultimately, our choices.

All men are not created equal. The dangerous ones are an entity unto themselves however they do not always look overtly dangerous.

If all dangerous men came marked with the sign of Charles Manson between their eyes it would make choosing a relationship a lot easier.

The relationship issues that make men dangerous exceed the normal woman's knowledge. Most equate dangerousness with only physical violence within the relationship. What makes a man truly dangerous other than physical violence is not taught to the general public. A dangerous man is one who harms women emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, or spiritually due to his permanent condition that is untreatable. What is common amongst dangerous men is their inability to grow, change, or have insight about their behavior in or out of a relationship. Women with these types of dangerous pathological men will never get their needs met in the relationship and are also at risk of never escaping the relationship. Unfortunately, 9 out of 10 women don't know even one fact about ‘what' makes a man pathological or the signs and symptoms of men that are dangerous and permanently disordered.

Dangerous men are either diagnosisably pathological or stray so close to the edge of pathology as to be indistinguishable. These are men who not only do not ever change, but by virtue of what is wrong with them, cannot change, in or out of the relationship. The end result of dangerous men to women is the soul deadening effects that teach her to normalize abnormal behavior until it is what she becomes primarily attracted to in a relationship. Each go round with another dangerous man in another relationship only entrenches her choices until it is the only type of man she selects. Pathological behavior begins to look and feel normal.

The Permanent Clinger: This needy victim-based man gives a lot of attention but demands complete devotion within the relationship to the exclusion of a personal life. He is jealous of other people, isolates his partner, have low self esteem and threats to self harm if you leave the relationship. Women feel like they are having the life sucked out of them. He seeks women who were previously ignored in relationships or relish the intense attention he is giving in the relationship. He is attracted to women in care-giving professions (nurses, teachers, social workers, daycare workers, etc.)

The Parental Seeker (The Clingers Cousin) needs a parent not a partner in a relationship. This man has very low functioning capabilities and uses underachieving as a way of avoiding adult responsibilities. His child-likeness becomes one more child to care for. He also likes women for relationship who have high care-giving capabilities and women who don't mind micro-managing his life for him. He is particularly attracted to women who work with children or also care-giving professions.

The Emotionally Unavailable: He is married, separated or dating someone else but usually will tell you he is ‘almost out' of the relationship but ironically, never does really get out. He is interested in hyper tolerant women who will wait and wait on his eventual ‘availability' for their relationship. Also likes to target women with poor boundaries.

The Mentally Ill: Appears normal at first, maybe even notably talented, but then his erratic behaviors begin making a woman's life scary and difficult. Unhinging from the relationship is dangerous and time consuming. He seeks women who are likely to not know about mental illness or who have had exposure to it thus normalizes mental illness.

The Addicted: Often goes hand in hand with other dangerous man categories like The Mentally Ill and The Violent. Addictions can include drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, thrill seeking behavior, or relationships. Switching addictions is common for addicts. He enjoys women who also have addictions or women who know nothing about addictions and are not likely to confront them about theirs.

The Violent: Dr. Jekyll appears attentive and giving in the beginning only for Mr. Hyde to appear~~blaming, shaming, harming, hitting-anything to regain his control in the relationship. Often his charmingness is hard to leave and of course, he will never do it again. He likes women who are highly committed to relationships and faithful.

The Hidden Lifer: These men have other undisclosed women, children, diseases, criminality, dangerous addictions/jobs/hobbies or lives. Their secret lives are only found out after she is at-risk because of it. He likes women who are distracted with their own lives, those who do not follow up on suspicions, or not likely to disclose his life even if they find out while she is in a relationship with him.

The Emotional Predator: He has a sixth sense for a woman's needs, vulnerabilities and woundedness. He is a chameleon tuning into her body language, eye lingo, and verbal jargon to align himself with her needs. Some predators want access to a women's children, other are looking for a place to flop and not work, others are looking for the ultimate kill. Women who have unmet needs from previous relationships, recently divorced or dumped, overwhelmed with parenting responsibilities, lonely, or unusually naive are his pick of the day.

What a Therapist Looks for in Pathological Men

Each category of dangerous man has his own signs and symptoms and women should learn what they are (See How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved). But there are some universal signs that point to deeper levels of possible pathology that should be of concern to any woman.

* Pacing of the relationship. If its 24/7 it's not that he's "just that into you." It is often that predatory and pathological men have agendas about getting the relationship to appear ‘intense' and ‘deep' very quickly. Women should always pace the relationships slowly.

* Serial Relationships. Guys with histories of multiple failed relationships usually have difficulty being alone so they rapidly go from one relationship to another without reflection on the failed one. This exhibits a lack of insight about their behavior in failed relationships. This then increases the pacing of the relationship so that they get women into a relationship before they figure out ‘why' this guy has so many failed relationships.

* His History. Women need to find out more information about a man's life history which includes criminal, mental health, and relationship history. The best predictor of future behavior is often past behavior.

* Enduring Patterns of Behavior. If he has ‘always been this way' or consistently behaved in a certain manner, chances are he has a pathological disorder. Pathology is diagnosed by looking at enduring patterns of behavior.

* His pattern of selection. The types of women he has been with can be revealing for what type of woman he may be targeting. A history of chronically emotionally unhealthy women should be a red flag.

http://changeling.howtospot.hop.clickbank.net

** This article is free to use as long as it is kept in its original format without changes and includes the link listed above.

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, in the U.S. the risk of being victimized by an intimate is 10 times greater for a woman than it is for a man. For every Scott Peterson grabbing the headlines, there are hundreds of men who harm women more subtly, with wounds invisible to the eye, yet with devastating consequences to the women. To make matters worse, vital information on the many ‘different kinds' of dangerous men has been available only to people who study and treat them, such as criminology and mental health professionals-but not to women in the dating pool.

This situation has changed! Sandra L. Brown, M.A., a psychopathology therapist, has written an important new E-book that teaches women how to protect themselves from unsafe men. Brown believes that a woman's ability to make wise dating choices depends on the information she has access to. She notes, "What has been lacking in the literature on relationships and domestic violence is a clear explanation of psychopathology and the forms it takes. Not surprisingly, many women find it liberating to finally access this information."

AVOIDING DANGEROUS MEN

Says Brown, "Most people mistakenly think of dangerous men as, by definition, physically violent. In fact, personality profiles for dangerous men show that this is not always so. Many women who have come to me for long term counseling in relationships with men who never hit them. Yet, the damage to them was incredible." She adds, "A dangerous man is any man who harms a woman's emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, or financial self."

DATING 101

In our culture, "dating skills" are often defined as learning to be more appealing or accommodating' the emphasis is placed on ‘attracting' men. However, successfully attracting a man is not good news if he's unsafe, and many women need to learn how to distinguish the merely deadbeat from the truly dangerous. Ignoring their own internal warning signs-their personal red flags-during the early phases of dating, they leave themselves exposed to harmful men.

In her savvy, straightforward way, Brown provides tools that will help women keep their bodies and souls intact. Her book provides essential information on:

* the character and behavior of eight types of dangerous men

* why women make themselves vulnerable to dangerous men

* how to take an honest inventory of your own dating behaviors

* the eleven signs of a bad dating choice

* how to develop a support system for safe dating

* how to make your own ‘do not date' checklist

* how to get out of a relationship with a dangerous man

* why some levels of dangerousness are not curable

"Brown does an excellent job of taking complex information about dangerousness and translating it into a language that is easy to understand. ...I especially recommend young women read it, as it provides a crash course in protecting one's self from dangerous relationships."

DeAnna Beckman, M.S.W., L.I.S.W.

Executive Director

Center for Threat Assessment

University of Cincinnati College of Medicine

"Attention all women! ...a wonderfully important publication....Sandra Brown has put it all together in this very handy, easy reference book on self-defense against those dangerous types out there. This is an important ‘how-to' book that handles a serious subject with logic and efficiency...a highly readable book, concise and comprehensive. Sandra provides women with essential information on how to protect themselves against heartache and abuse. In defense of the opposite sex, she does point out that there are good men out there, you just have to watch out for the bad ones.' MetroLA

"How to Spot a Dangerous Man could keep you out of a morgue, a shelter or a hospital but still keep you in the dating game. Well worth a read for every woman, single or not." Orlando Sentinel