Does life stress you out? Are you frustrated with life or yourself? Do you try to cope with things that either harm you or, frankly, just don't work? If you're the type of person who feels like tearing out your hair, or wish you could just sit down and relax, maybe you don't know how to relax?

You could be in need of stress relief.

Today's rushed world finds people talking and thinking about stress all the time. I find it on the streets, in the office, at home, on TV, everywhere.

In all of this, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that some stress is actually good for us. Consider a tiger, kept in a cage, completely safe, plenty of food and water, warm shelter, and nothing to worry about. That tiger will quickly develop "kennel fever" - suffering from being cooped up. That tiger needs at least some stress. Lack of enough stress is as bad as too much stress.

So, that just puts some perspective on it: There is a certain amount of stress that's good.

But...

The problem for us humans is...

Imagine a pot with boiling water. As long as the pot isn't too full, it won't bubble over. But if you fill the pot too high, when the water boils, it will spill over.

Suppose that the boiling water represents stress, and the pot represents your "stress threshold". If the pot is too small, or the water too much, the pot boils over.

You can't change what life gives you (the water). But you can change the size of the pot... You can change your stress threshold. 

We all have a stress threshold. Things happen, and as long as they're happening below our threshold, we manage. Things are OK. Not perfect, perhaps, but OK.

But then more things happen. Too much happens. You know what I mean. And eventually, when too much happens, it all bubbles up over your stress threshold.

That's when the problems start.

Whether you cope by drinking, getting angry, withdrawing, becoming depressed, eating junk food, making yourself "busy", or whatever, none of those coping mechanisms really help, do they? They don't solve the problems, and they certainly don't raise your stress threshold; if anything, they make it even lower!

What, indeed?

It's tempting to try to change the things that are stressing us. Sometimes, that makes sense: If a leaky tap keeps you awake at night, simply fixing it will solve that problem.

But what about stresses that are outside your control? You cannot control the economy. You can't change other people. You can't change the weather, and you probably can't easily change your job.

But you can change you!

You see, you have a certain reaction to everything. Everyone does; it's the nature of being human (or any animal, for that matter).

Now, animals can't change their responses to anything. They live on instinct and by instinct. Unless a human teaches them to behave differently (for example, sit when hearing the word "sit", or taking food gently from your fingers), an animal won't know how to make its life better.

But you...

And being a human, you can teach yourself how to change. You can find someone who is able to teach you what you don't know. You know that you can change!

Unlike an animal, you can seek out knowledge and apply it.

In other words, you can learn how to make your pot bigger! 

Stress relief - not stress management, because that just teaches you how to manage your stress instead of getting rid of it...

Stress relief is about making certain changes to yourself. There is all sorts of advice, from having massage therapy and saunas, to exercising and looking after your diet, to yoga and Pilates. You may notice that nearly all of these are talking about your body. Not your mind. 

Why is that?

Because what you do to your body affects your mind. In a big way!

Try to laugh and have fun while hanging your head and stooping. Try to cry while looking at the ceiling, and breathing deeply and calmly. Try to have an exciting day while slouching and looking bored. It's really difficult, isn't it?

The first thing to know about how to relax is that it all starts with your body. If you don't treat your body right, it will make it so much harder. 

Why do so many calming exercises and stress relief advice talk about breathing?

Because everything starts with breathing.

Think about it: The most important source of energy for anyone is air. When you're in a serious accident, what do people check first? Air, breathing, and heart. If you don't have oxygen, you're dead.

What about when you're nervous? What's the first thing that happens in your body? Your breathing changes!

When you fall in love? Your breathing changes!

When you have any emotion whatsoever, your breathing changes.

Did you know that you even stop breathing (just momentarily) when you begin to concentrate? 

Do a little exercise. Take a few moments to close your eyes and remember something scary. It could be your boss, a scary movie, your bills, or whatever. Then notice your breathing. Notice:

• How fast you breathe;
• Where in body you're breathing (probably your chest);
• How shallow your breathing is

Now, do something a bit different. Shake yourself out a bit, then close your eyes and think of really peaceful, safe, comfortable things. Perhaps the last time you were relaxing in the sun; a close friend who makes you feel safe and comfortable; your own bedroom; or whatever.

Now, notice how different your breathing is. Notice:

• You probably breathe a lot slower.
• You may be breathing lower down in your body.
• Your breaths are most likely deeper.

You may think that you have every good reason to be stressed out, so why should you change?

Well, in today's world - in the rich world, at any rate - there is hardly ever anything to really worry about. In many European countries, for example, the worst case scenario is that you have food, water, medicine, shelter, and safety. Hardly something to stress about, if you really think about it, is it?

But our primitive bodies aren't designed for modern living. They're designed for sabretooth tigers, constant disease and death, lice, dirt, cold, short and brutish lives. The primitive part of your brain is constantly on the lookout for danger.

And when there's no danger around, it will often invent it.

So, you get stressed out all the time, when really you only need to feel a mild, uplifting and exciting stress. The right amount of stress. 

Just as drooping your head and body stops you from feeling great, or looking up and holding yourself upright can stop your crying, so changing the way that you breathe can change your stress level.

If you breathe in a calm, relaxed, peaceful and safe way, then you are telling that primitive part of your brain, "It's OK, there's nothing, we're safe, and we're alright." That part of your brain can then go, "Oh, OK, then, I can relax and let you get on with things."

So, if you can learn to breathe in a relaxed way, you will start to think more clearly and more effectively, and you'll stop wasting huge amounts of energy on adrenalin, stress, stress-related illness, and constant worrying thoughts. 

It's quite simple, when you learn how. In fact, I should say, "re-learn", because you were born knowing how. It was only with repeated stress as a child that you changed your breathing.

Actually, if you do martial arts, or drama, or singing, you've probably already relearned how to breathe right.

Here is breathing right in a few simple tips...

1. Stand in front of a mirror so that you can see your upper body.
2. Take a deep breath, as deep as you can, and just watch what happens.

Most people see:

• Their chest rising, as they breathe into their chest.
• Their shoulders rising, as they make space for the air in their chest.

You may not see the same thing, especially if you already breathe correctly. 

The first thing to note is where in your body you should be breathing. If you've ever watched a young baby, lying on its back fast asleep, you might have noticed what part of its body moves. Not its chest. Its Stomach.

Your body has a diaphragm. That's a located just at the bottom of your rib cage, underneath your lungs.

And it's your diaphragm that's designed to let you breathe. Not your chest.

To do that, as you breathe, you should feel your stomach - not your chest - move.

So...

1. Put your hand on your stomach.
2. Imagine that there's a balloon inside your stomach. Keep looking in the mirror. 
3. Breathe out by pushing the air out with your stomach. If you do this right, you'll feel your hand moving in, towards your spine. Keep breathing out until you have no more air is left in your lungs and your stomach is as squashed in as it could be.
4. Now, imagine that you have to fill the balloon in your stomach. Breathe in by pushing your stomach out; feel your hand moving out with it. Your shoulders should not move at all. Your chest, if it moves at all, should move only at the end of your breath, to fill up the last bit of your lungs.
5. Repeat.

If you do this right, you may start to feel light-headed. That's your body's way of saying, "Thank you!"

Every time you start to feel yourself getting stressed, angry or upset...

Stop!

Remember to think about your breathing: Where are you breathing from - your chest or your stomach? Make sure that it's your stomach.

And notice how different things appear and feel.

Make this your new lifelong habit. 

I'd like you to visit my website to find more tips on stress relief.

You may be also interested in hypnosis for stress relief.