Stuff the stimulus, I need a damn JOB!
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Great Jobs in the President's Stimulus Plan
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My Soul To Keep [Explicit]
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My Soul to Keep
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Standard Deviants: Psychology Module 2 - Responding to Stimuli
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First of all: Bushes belonged around the White House, NOT in it! Jesus jumping jelly beans folks, what the hell are they doing in Washington? Obama is acting like a kid who is just learning to ride a bike and a bunch of pedophile old geezers are teaching him!
The last time I saw this much insanity is when Clinton was abusing good Cuban cigars on a porky princess. I can give you 800+ billion reasons that the Stimulus Bill will fail as bad as Michael Bolton's last record!
1. Most of the money is going directly to proven LOSERS!
2. Tax cuts are useless if Americans DON'T HAVE JOBS to pay taxes!
3 Giving banks more money is like giving monkeys more bananas to clean their cages.
4. Why fix a road when nobody can afford to go anywhere?
5. Obama said, "No new taxes!" Did he whisper, "Except for smokers?"
6. CNN is pouring out news about an Obama family dog. I'm looking up dog recipes!
7. The idiots spent 160 million dollars on the inauguration! Was this billed to "The NO Dumb-ass Left Behind" account?
8. They claim that the bill will create 3.5 million jobs. They left out "BLOW" between million and jobs!
9. What happens in Vegas, starts out as foreplay on a plane leaving Washington! Oh sorry! The poor executives decide to stay home and have wild unbridled sex on OUR money!
10 I've been spelling, "bonus" wrong all these years. It's "BONE US!"
11. So what if Obama is African American! I'm a frickin' American too!
12. Nancy Pelosi said there would be no pork in the stimulus package. Oh, I'm sorry, she must have meant that she wasn't getting porked!
13. Obama said, "Nice ride." Was he talking about Air Force One or Uncle Sam?
14. They are spending 52 billion dollars to suck Carbon Dioxide out of the air. My ex-wife would do it for 14 bucks!
15. 8.2 Billion goes to spread wireless and broadband to unserved areas. Hey Bubba, check out this camera phone picture of my sister and me in the back seat!
16. 537 Billion dollars to fight global warming. Hey, there's me a damn job! I can sell sun tan lotion to Eskimos!
Washington has gone far beyond stupid this time! Throwing money at problems only works when you toss a bag of quarters to your mother-in-law while she is leaning out of a fifth floor widow!
I give up!
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Comments
Thanks! I'll sell it to the paper boy so I can buy a pack of cigarettes!
Funny stuff,
TMG
Thanks! Fact is funnier that fiction!
First, this is absolutely fantastic! I agree, money doesnt fix problems, it simply hides it. And giving money to idiotic people who arent going to even attempt to help the problem, rather create a larger one... yes, that is a smart one from our wonderful government! As far as jobs go, its impossible! I know people who have been trying for almost a year. Getting booted for no fault of their own, now living off the government. Those are the people who deserve help!
You said it perfect! It hides the problem! Same old crap, Washington plays and we pay. Thanks for commenting.
Amen! Very funny way of putting it! No one's mentioning who we're borrowing all of this money from. Meanwhile, the CEO's who had a big hand in all this mess still have all their money. I say, all of the nasty bigwigs who robbed us have to give up the dough and go to jail (ie, the mortgage company CEOs for one). Also, if all of the 1% of the wealthy gave up just 1 million of their money, instead of buying a new pair of shoes with it - we could have a good start. I totally agree with you - we need jobs, not imaginary money tha we will never see. Or make it easier to go back to school. I would love to but I don't want to have more debt hanging over my head and my English degree doesn't get me very far in the work world.
Well put! Our government has the disease of more. We get the symptoms of less! Thanks!
Tom - MAN, YOU ARE HILARIOUS!
Aren't there stand-up comics out there who would buy your stuff for cold hard cash if you don't want to get on a stage yourself? (That's how George Carlin started.) Hey, if nothing else, you could do short sets at local bars for cigs!
Thank you MindField, I love Carlin...one of my favorites! I do have a couple of sites on myspace under Twisted Tom and Twisted Tom II with funny songs. Be Happy! :)
Love it Tom!!!! Thanks for the laugh, even though when you think about it it's not all that funny, it's actually scary!
Thanks gwendymom....yes it is actually scary. I'm hoping things get better.
goldentoad says:
9 months ago
Tom, I'll get you that beer right away.