This is not something you have read before BUT as this latest installment of stupid questions goes to press, the media is STILL going on about Michael Jackson. ( It almost makes me miss O.J. Simpson coverage.)  Now certain sources are saying Jackson injected heroin.

(No one wants to remember what else he was allegedly injecting and into whom. In fact, I wrote a hub about the media not mentioning all the weird, nasty stuff. Injecting drugs into himself, injecting himself into little boys. . .whatever. . .I'm tired of it. I think I'll turn off the TV and do some "injecting" of my own. . .but, I digress. . .)

"Stupid Questions are to blame,
Like who, what, when, where, why, how much?" -- Keller Williams

Here are my newest stupid questions:

Isn't "monogomy" a type of wood? (I was not really a big Wood Shop fan in school.)

Why do gay guys get a special parade when they ADMIT that they "suck"?

Did anyone make any nasty jokes about Farah Fawcett? If so, will someone e-mail them to me?

On a related topic, am I the only guy from my generation who didn't have a poster of Farah in his bedroom? Am i the only guy who had a poster of Cheryl Tiegs? Am I the only guy who didn't pleasure himself to either one?

On a related topic, does anyone have any NEW jokes about Michael Jackson?

What part of illegal do some of you STILL not understand?

Why is it that drinking several cocktails seems to make me more witty and charming (to myself anyway)?

A favorite: "Would you shave my coin purse?" (Does anyone NOT know the source of this quote?)

Does Red Bull Cola still have cocaine in it? Does the energy drink Cocaine have ANY cocaine in it? If not, isn't that false advertising?

Would it bother anyone if just once i didn't mention lesbians here?

Is masturbation truly "the key to the universe"?

Do you think the ghost of John Lennon is okay with Yoko Ono selling one of his hit songs to Chase Bank? Do you know of anyone who signed up with Chase just because the new Chase TV ads feature the John Lennon song?

Some people eat cold pizza for breakfast BUT does anyone eat cold spaghetti for breakfast?

Am I the only guy who would date an average looking woman who was a cop?

What did Joyce DeWitt do with all her "Three's Company" money anyway? ( As this went to press she had been busted for DUI.)  Did she spend so much of her money she can't afford taxi cabs anymore?

Is a blowjob considered sex?

On a related topic, if you answered "NO" to the above question, would your answer change if the person giving the blowjob was your mom, sister or daughter?

Is anyone tired of my stupid questions yet?

(I hope not!  This is fun!)

My name is Phoenix and. . . that's the bottom line.