(Note: Please read the hub titled "Stupid Questions" before reading this hub. It isn't a requirement but it will make a little more sense that way.)

As some of you already know, I write a column for todaysrecipepro.com. It is titled "Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?" The subtitle is "Rants, Raves And Stupid Questions". While I have "ranted" there and "raved" there I have still not asked or answered any "stupid questions" there.

So here I go again asking more stupid questions right here. (When doing nothing more than writing a list it's difficult to sneak in my salute to author Peter David. When I am "talking" here about a specific subject I cannot help but go off on a tangent. I don't know if that will happen with just a list of "stupid questions". But I digress. . .)

(Yes! I did it!)

Forgive me.

Here are more stupid questions:

How many birthdays does the average person have?

Why do people use the word "antique" for something that obviously is not? In addition, if these people have different definitions for the word why aren't their definitions in the dictionary?

Do true lesbians reject even phallic-shaped toys because they hate men (and therefore their genitalia) so much?

Am I truly alienating some of my potential readers by asking questions that include words such as sex and genitalia? Or do my open-minded readers not mind that at all?

When I pack a pair of Spiderman II boxers and a pair of Nascar socks (that I bought at the 99-cent Only Store) why is it that I have actually packed only THREE pieces of clothing when it sounds like I have packed FOUR?

Why do some people call a zipper a "fly"?  What part is supposed to take flight anyway?

Why is it that we supposedly have a black President but the moment he screws up certain people will suddenly be referring to him as half-WHITE?

Why do women say "nothing" when they obviously mean "something"? Is this a throwback to the days when "no" really meant "yes"?

How many humorless women did I just offend with the above question?

How many animals (of each sex) did Moses take on the ark?

Why is it that any jackass with a computer and a rudimentary grasp of the English language can continue to post his rants, raves and stupid questions?

Those are more of my stupid questions. What are some of yours?

My name is Phoenix and. . .that's the bottom line.