"Don't talk ! Stop interrupting! ""Don't bother other students. "

"Keep your hands to yourself."

"Stop making that noise."

"Don't waste time!"

I have heard numerous parents and even teachers issue directives such as these to children, and sometimes wonder why they don't know that they are actually reinforcing the behavior they wish to halt.

Here's an illustration. If I tell you NOT to think about polka dotted alligator -- what do you think about? You automatically think of an alligator with dots on it, don't you? It's automatic, now matter who you are.

If I really wanted you to stop thinking about that unlikely creature, I would have done better to tell you what I WANT you to do, like "think of a green kitten." See, that works too.

In other words, directing the child to the positive activity works better than strengthening the negative image. It also keeps you from seeming to be overly annoyed (which is sometimes the goal of the child). It makes you seem calmer and in control.

I am speaking here about minor, low level corrections. There ARE times for stronger words and actions, but these suggestions can smooth out a lot of the little annoyances and distractions. Here are four strategies for redirecting behavior.

1. "It Is Time"

If you tell a student , "It is time to do your work", they are directed toward the positive behavior and away from the talking, running, bothering and noise making.

It is time . . .

. . . to finish your work,

. . . to get out your math book,

. . . to get ready for lunch.

The "It is time" phrase presupposes that "this is just the way things are" and doesn't seem like you are giving a direct command that invites a challenge.

2. "I need. . ."

Think about what behaviors you need, and state them calmly and clearly. "I need to have everyone finishing their work so we can all have plenty of time for the next (fun) activity." Sometimes when I am giving a field trip tour and lecturing about items in the history museum, I will have children talking to each other. I say, "I need to have good listeners, now." This is always more effective than saying "Stop Talking!" in a demanding way.

3.Think Starters

Another effective strategy to bring the desired behavior form the child child is to ask a question. "What do we need to do now?", "What should you be doing now?", "Where do your hands belong?" or a similar question usually puts students back on track. They know the answer is not "talking, running, bothering and noise making." Bring the answer out of the student with a think-starter.

The next time you want to blurt, "Stop Talking", take a moment to think of these other choices. Once you get into the habit of not reinforcing negative behavior, your days will be much more pleasant.