I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was 33 years old, newly divorced, and clueless, standing in the front yard of my new (to me) home in North Hollywood, CA, staring wild-eyed at the gusher that sprayed an enthusiastic 15 feet into the air from a mystery evil that lurked beneath the soil in my front yard.

My wonderful, Spanish (only) speaking neighbor was talking excitedly while making twisting motions with his right hand. Obviously, he was trying to tell me that I needed to turn something off, but I had no idea what.

It was definitely one of those, "Houston, we have a problem," moments.

Finally, after realizing I was completely useless, my hero, Mr. Sanchez, bravely climbed into the spidery-cobb-webby bushes rowed up around the front of my house, and soon the bushes began to rustle and shake while the muttering Mr. Sanchez searched for "it."

Suddenly, like magic, the geyser stopped and my triumphant neighbor emerged from the bushes. He looked around, then leaned over to pick up something from the ground which he screwed into the mysterious geyser hole, then he re-entered the bushes and just as quickly re-emerged, saying, "Senora, is o.k. now."

No more water. At all. What did he do in there?

"Thank you!" I said, "Thank you so much." I held up my pointer finger and said, "Please. One moment please." I ran into the house and grabbed a six-pack of Coors left over from my house-warming party and handed it to Mr. Sanchez. This would not be the last time poor Mr. Sanchez would bail me out for a six pack.

Okay. Now we fast forward a few years, and by now I have met, and married, the man of my dreams (I'm not sure who was happier with this union, myself, or Mr. Sanchez) and am engaged in helping to run the office operations for my true love's plumbing company.

After working the phones for awhile, I began to notice that he was getting alot of referral business, and when I asked people why, they would tell me it was because he had helped their friend solve a plumbing problem over the phone without charging a service fee.

After years, those "phone repair" calls became as familiar to me as if I were, myself, a plumber. I'm going to share a few of them with you now, and, I promise you, these are real calls that we took on a regular basis. I hope you'll be able to use at least one of them to save yourself some money, now, or sometime in the future.

I'll start with my all-time favorite. At least once a month I took a call saying, "There is a terrible (terrible being a euphamism for poop smell) odor coming from such and so bathroom." After asking if everything works, I would next ask if it's a bathroom that is used very often. Invariably the response would be something like, "Oh, no. It's my son's bathroom and it hasn't been used since he left for college a few weeks ago."

Solution: Run water in the fixtures. What happens is that the water in the P-Trap (the little crooked neck thing) under one (or more) of the fixtures has evaporated due to lack of use. It is the water in the goose-neck that traps the sewer gas. No water = no trap = smell.

At least once a week I would get a call saying "I was using my garbage disposal, and it was working fine. Then all of the sudden it shut off, and now it's not working any more."

Solution: Garbage disposals have an internal mechanism that causes the unit to shut down if it overheats. So, if your disposal is turned on, and it doesn't make any sound at all, it could be that the reset button on the bottom of the unit has popped. The picture above this text is of the bottom of a garbage disposal. Notice the red button towards the top, right - that's the reset button. Try pressing the red button on your own disposal. If it actually depresses, and you hear a click, it means that it popped, and it should work after that.

Tip: Promise me, you will NEVER put your hand inside of the unit unless it is unplugged.

Tip: Always run your disposal with cold water because it helps keep the unit cooled.

If your garbage disposal is making a humming noise, but won't grind, then it is jammed. Sometimes a garbage disposal will jamb because you try to grind too much of a good thing, or the wrong thing altogether. I took jamb calls from celery, plastic flatware, potato peels, corn-husks, pork chop gristle, and even a screw once. The following solution worked for everything but the screw - I had to send a plumber on that one.

Solution: UNPLUG THE DISPOSAL from underneath the sink. If yours is the kind that has the electricity hardwired into the unit itself, SHUT OFF THE CIRCUIT BREAKER AT YOUR SERVICE PANEL. If you are not comfortable with this step, then you need to call a plumber, but DO NOT put your hands in the disposal if the electricity is still connected. Next, reach inside the unit and pull out all of the glop and throw it away (I know, eeeew, but use rubber gloves). Now you need to find the hex wrench that came with the unit (see picture). It is usually attached to the disposal somehow, or laying on cabinet floor. If not, you can purchase one with a variety of sizes at any hardware store (see picture). Alright, now look at the picture of the bottom of the disposal. Do you see the screw in the exact center of the unit? Your hex key will fit in there. Just insert and turn, back and forth, back and forth, and depending on what's stuck, and how it's stuck, this will usually work, but you may have to put some muscle into it.

Tip: Promise me, you will NEVER put your hand inside of the unit unless it is unplugged.

Tip: Throw large amounts of potato skins, etc., in the trash can, or, better yet, compost them. While they do make a couple of disposals that can handle that kind of thing, they are expensive, and most people don't have them.

I love this one! At least once a month I would get a call requesting an emergency service because the client didn't have any water. "When was the last time you had water?," I would ask. "I was taking a shower, and all of a sudden the water shut off."

Solution: Almost always these kinds of calls were because the water provider had shut off the water to an area to make a repair. Ask your neighbor if they have water. If they don't, then call your water provider and find out what's going on.

At least twice a week, I would get a call saying that I need to send a plumber over to repair a faucet. "What's it doing?," I would ask. "Well," they would say, "The water is just dribbling out." "How's the water pressure in the rest of the house?" I would ask. "Oh, It's fine. It's just this one faucet."

Solution: Most likely the 'aerator' is clogged. The aerator is the little fitting that screws onto the faucet spout, and one of its functions is to catch the little bits of 'stuff' that gets carried along through the water to the faucet. This is especially common in older homes that still have galvanized pipe plumbing. Now, unless your last plumber was playing Hercules when he put it on, you should be able to just unscrew it using just your hands, then just dump out the junk into the trash, rinse it out and screw it back on. If you can't remove it by hand, just use a thin towel and a pair of Channel Locks (a kind of wrench, see picture) like my husband is doing in the picture.

Every plumber takes these calls all day long. Most of the time a clogged sink in the bathroom is due to soap and hair. Kitchen clogs are usually due to grease.

For a bathroom clog, let the sink drain out, then carefully pour a gallon of bleach into the sink. Let it stand for 24 hours without running water. The bleach should eat through the soap and hair. Sometimes you need to follow up the bleach with a plunger. Just place the plunger over the drain and give it a few quick thrusts.  Wear safety goggles and old clothes if there is water in the sink.

Kitchen clogs are due to grease and are easy to clear by pouring boiling water with a few teaspons of ammonia into the drain, then, wait a few minutes, and use a plunger over the drain. For double-bowl sinks, hold the drain stopper in one bowl, while plunging the other.

Tip: Pour bleach into the bathroom sinks once a month or so and let it sit for 24 hours. This prevents the build up and subsequent clogs.

Last one. "I need a new toilet, because the handle on mine is broken." Hmmm. "Is it actually broken off, or does it just wiggle up and down without resistance?," I would ask. "It looks fine... it just doesn't flush."

Solution: The way the flushing mechanism works, is that there is a chain attached to your handle with an s-hook on one end, and the flap (the little rubber thing that covers the water exit when the toilet is flushed) on the other end. Sometimes you'll get someone who operates the toilet handle like it's a one-armed-bandit in Vegas, and the s-hook will flip out of it's little hole. Just remove the tank lid, and look inside. If you see the chain laying down at the bottom of the tank, that's your problem. Just reach in (I know, eeeew, but don't worry, that water is clean) and get it, and re-insert the s-hook into the little hole at the end of the arm attached to your toilet handle. See picture.

Oh. By the way, the geyser in my front yard was because my neighbor had knocked a sprinkler head off while taking out his trash.

And, Mr. Sanchez, if you're out there. You're still my hero, and, this one's for you!