Surviving Foot-in-Mouth Disease
70We all make verbal gaffes, some of us more often than others. I can be relied on to say things that make me wish in the next instant that the earth would open up and swallow me whole. It’s a wonder I have any friends left. Needless to say I’ve found myself in several unenviable situations that I’ve managed to wriggle out of through sheer luck. Or else I have very forgiving friends.
What I did the other day however didn’t involve a friend, just a passing acquaintance, and it surpassed all my previous attempts at putting a foot in it! Bumping into her at a music show I remarked on her ‘chic’ haircut, trying to be diplomatic about the extremely close cropped hair she was sporting. She looked at me askance for a few long seconds and then said, “I’ve just had brain surgery!” I would have laughed at her wit if she hadn’t proceeded to show me the scars on her head…
To say I was mortified doesn’t begin to explain it. I must have turned a particularly nasty shade of red. I know I mumbled something inarticulate and if the band hadn’t chosen just that moment to launch into a rousing number I might have stuck my foot in it further. As it is she was diverted by the music and I was able to sidle off into the shadows.
If you suffer from foot-in-mouth disease you know how difficult it is to retract something once you’ve said it. Usually you don’t stop to think before something that you imagine is really smart rolls off your tongue. At other times it’s completely inadvertent – you aren’t trying to be witty or funny, you just blurt out something that’s entirely inappropriate, and then want to curl up and die.
It happened to me on the phone recently. As a freelance editor my contact with a lot of clients is usually only through email. I’ve never seen or spoken to most of them. One of these is a person with a decidedly masculine sounding name and obviously I thought I was dealing with a male all along. Till she called to clarify something. For a few moments I didn’t register that the female voice on the phone was the person she was claiming to be. And then, “Oh, you’re a she,” I exclaimed stupidly. “I mean you’re not a he…er…but your name…” A frosty voice informed me that she was definitely a she and would I please stop babbling and send her a new headline.
It’s not just us lowly folk who suffer from this unfortunate condition. Newscasters are notorious for saying all the wrong things at the wrong times. Political leaders are doing it all the time too. The amount of times a recent American president has stuck his foot into his mouth will go down in history, but not all of us have the immunity of greatness. So how do we get that huge foot out of the mouth once it’s firmly lodged there?
Tips for dealing with a verbal gaffe
- Ignore it. You need the hide of a buffalo to carry this out, or the acting talent of a thespian, but if you can pretend you never said it perhaps the victim will be fooled into thinking he heard wrong.
- Admit you made a gaffe. If you don’t have adequate cover-up skills, you’re better off admitting you’re an idiot and begging for forgiveness. If you’re lucky the recipient of your gaffe will be in a forgiving mood. If not, you’ve lost another friend, but brazen it out anyway.
- Laugh it off. Cross your fingers and hope that if you don’t take your gaffe seriously, the other person won’t. The trick is to maintain a fine balance between sheepishness and shamelessness.
- Make a run for it. If all else fails, there’s nothing you can do but beat a hasty retreat and hope you never have to cross paths with that particular person again. Kind of difficult if it’s your boss. Or mother-in-law. Perhaps that will teach you to hold your tongue in future.
(I’m not counting on it for myself!)
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Comments
LOL...I must be a better actress than I thought! :P
Been there........done that. I usually do the first and last of your list of how to deal with it.
And once again FP strikes a chord with her readers
LOL! The one about the closed cropped haircut and the female who sounded like man was too funny. When was I was young teenager, I started to chat with a nice lady who was a neighbor, and I mentioned to her that there was this guy in the building named, Jesus, (whom I had a crush on) and it was a name that I didn't like, and went on blabbing about ugly names, and she just smiled, found out later she was his Mom. LOL! I was a silly teen then, but did I learn my lesson? Nope! When I was in my late 20's, I got into a conversation with my neighbor whom I had just met, and the subject turned out to be again about names, and I mentioned I didn't like the name Bertha, she smiled and didn't say anything, but found out later it was her name! I am lucky, I met good natured neighbors as this woman along with her husband were wonderful neighbors for the 23 years I lived in that building.
Ooooooooooooooh yes! Relate to this completely. On the ohter hand - most of these gaffes are straightforward honesty and usually harmless.
VioletSun...gaffes about names are the most common I think...that, and saying rude things about someone to another who turns out to be related to the victim! :P
Iphigenia, you're right, most gaffes are pretty harmless but people can take offence at the slightest of slights!
Thanks for reading, all of you! :)
Feline Prophet my most uncomforable moments are when you run into a friend? and they remember your name and you cannot remember theirs!
And they know and will not help you out?
I have learnt over the years the answer is not to dally just blurt out "sorry" I'm having a "seniors moment" and I'm going through a tempory memory loss.
They then have to feel sorry for you or themselves feel awful ;-[)
Talk of foot in mouth, or dropping a brick - I'm quite capable of even calling a good friend by a wrong name!
Men don't generally mind that too much, they understand such things happen. But with women, there's no way a guy can wiggle his way out of such a gaffe! Especially if the wrongly uttered name happens to be the handle of a much prettier common friend!!
Jaspal, you are indeed in big trouble. You will pay for that sort of mistake the rest of your life.
Dont we all have our moments :(
And it is normally so difficult to live them down !
The Noble Fox is right Jaspal, as you've doubtless learned over the years! :P
Thanks for reading, all of you. Glad to know mine is not an exclusive condition, though I do remember names - it's my husband who is forever forgetting the names of people he has been recently introduced to. Perhaps it's a male affliction?
we are twins!
That was hilarious!! As an observer of course!! [:)] Guess it's one of those things that come with being spontaneous .. Personally I don't mind when people makes mistakes.. but Jaspal - Don't you dare call me Susie! [:P][:D][:O]
Hey FP that was indeed a great read!(....as long as one is not the perpetrator, one can afford to laugh!!:-))...I know, its easier said than done, the old adage, 'think before you leap'!
...and Jaspal will agree how forgiving I am ....he did that to me once:-)...and he's still a dear friend!..lolll.....(but, do note I haven't forgotten.....!)
Silver Freak - twins? Quite possible...I don't much care for whiny country music either! :P
Hope Jaspal has come back to read all the comments directed at him! :)
Love it! Another awesome read from you, FP.
"...not all of us have the immunity of greatness." I'm pretty sure as writers begin to pour books forth about this president, where LOTS of those gaffes are going to appear (as you say), the immunity will wear off. LOL
The tips are great. The first is my favorite, and I've had to use it too many times in my life. Doesn't always work, though!
Thumbs up.
yeah, I have been known to think with my mouth before with my brain
Sigh! I do it all the time, in my home its called Mom's foot-in-mouthitis. I just play dumb and silly while my offsprings bore holes in me with their glares.
I have to chuckle at the AdSense ads on your Hub, FP. According to Google, you must be THE ultimate gateway to advertisers who sell treatments for diseases of the foot and mouth. LMAO.
Great hub, Prophet!
Here's a story (and my take on it) that is still remembered by many Californians:
"On February 13, 2001, in a speech to a group of black trade unionists, Cruz Bustamante [California's then Lieutenant Governor] was reciting a list of African-American labor organizations established in the early 1900s, many of which included the word "Negro" in their titles. While uttering one of those names, Bustamante let slip the word 'n----r' instead of 'negro.' A handful of blacks in the audience stormed out in protest, and Bustamante [who tried to ignore what he'd said] has been apologizing up and down the state ever since." (Excerpted from Mother Jones magazine.)
Personally, I think it's better in almost every instance to apologize immediately, show and say just how embarrassed you are, ask forgiveness, and get the person (or, in this case, the audience) on your side and wishing to help you out of your all-to-human predicament. There's not a soul in this world who hasn't made some such mistake and nearly everyone will want to grant you absolution, if only to make themselves feel less uncomfortable.
This is great! You are blessed if you have only experienced it verbally, I have unfortunately put the disease in my writing occasionally, and have felt the burn. Great hub.
And then there are some who live according to the saying... She opens her mouth only to change the foot in it.
Thank you Sally's Trove! It's such a relief to find there are others who do stupid things as well! :P And as for that President, google 'gaffe' and see what comes up - we don't have to wait for any books! Hehe..
Someone else brought my notice to those ads by the way...what can I say? Charting new frontiers and all that! :P
cindyvine, take heart - you aren't alone! :)
Ritu, I'm sure a lot of kids are mortified by their parents' tendency to put their foot in it!
Mindfield, you're right about apologising and getting the person on your side. Unfortunately not many of us have the gumption - we prefer to flee - discretion being the better part of valour here! :P
Whikat, I haven't yet consciously managed to offend through my writing, but you never know! :P
greansleeves, you aren't talking about me, of course?! :P
Thanks for reading! :)
Prophet, dear, that isn't discretion - it's cowardice! ;-)
Don't worry, I do this kind of thing all the time. Toe curlingly embarrassing, but soon forgotten in general. Names are the worst, and it is horrible trying to bluff your way into convincing the person you do know their name really, but are so fond of them you feel comfortable calling them "my love", " my dear" or "mate" etc!!!
Shucks MindField, I was hoping you wouldn't think of that! :P
LOL, I must try that sometime MH, instead of going "er..." the next time I forget a name!
I just shut up at work and do my job
Well, I do a lot of this , and also use all the means of ungaffeing it . One could also go forward ahead , and say :oh , all the best and so on, but you are also looking good , truly. Since no malice was meant to begin with , she will see the point correctly. If she doesn`t , then it doesn`t matter what she thinks , she is not worth it -- only she shouldn`t be your boss.
my biggest was theyear after my marraige.I wished my wife a happy birthday !!!! nothing wrong per se except that it was the 16th septemeber not the 17th.OK on the face of it i guess- excpet that i was so embarassed that i blurted out - ohh no today is Aruna kaul's how cld i ave got this wrong- She knew Aruna was a college time crush and for all of the last 27 years i am told on the 16th septemebr- Apnee Aruna ko wish kar diya ( have you wihed YOUR Aruna?- emphasis not mine)
Good strategy, raiderfan!
I notice the men seem to make more gaffes with women! :P
Surviving Foot in Mouth Disease
well written, I come on , welcome to my hub
Thank you ontheway! :)
Neat piece, and nice to meet and read your stuff Prophet. A friend once told me I am missing the filtering device that most people have in their brain, most people think something and then take a moment to filter whether they should say it or not, she says I don't have that ability, it just pops into my brain and out of my mouth.
This is a disease that seems to hold no cure except laughing it off or apologizing (as you have stated). I do this all of the time but usually with the same people! So, inevitably, there are these groups of people out there which I embarass myself in front of incessantly, who probably believe there is something truly wrong with me. But I just keep laughing, which only cements that idea!
Great hub, Feline Prophet. I have on many occasions put both feet into my mouth. However, I have gotten over it. Whenever I am in a gathering I pretend I have a bad tooth. This became a habit and now I am fully conscious of everything I say! Try it yourself.
:)
Nice to meet you too Sandman! And I'm obviously missing that filter device as well! :P
Thanks for stopping by Peppermint Thrift...and keep laughing! :)
Thanks quicksand, and what a great idea! Sounds painful but I'm going to try it! :P
ROFLMAO here. Gawd what a funny hub. I'm still laughing, not at you or others mind you, but it is just that we all do ii at one time or another. I just can't stand myself when it happens, I turn crimson and try to hide, but can't, and the damage is already done. I had to learn to bite my tongue and just go with it.
LOL...I suppose it is funny when you look at your gaffes in retrospect! Thanks for reading C.C....and you can stop laughing now...I haven't made a silly gaffe in days! :P
Isn't that just the worst...when you think someone is a different sex then they are???I did that when I was a Manager at a job I had and had dealt with this person for ever so long...embarrassing as can be...and then to find out in person on a lunch meeting...yikesssss Nicely done Hub my dear...G-Ma :O) Hugs
Yikes indeed! :P
Thanks for reading G-Ma and hugs to you too! :)
I'm still laughing hahahaha
Gosh CC, some of us are that funny huh? :P
When I make a verbal mistake I just apologise, and tell the person I am brain dead. That usually does the trick.
Hehe...and of course they believe you? :P
I can't count the times I've had foot in mouth disease! I am familiar with that "particularly nasty shade of red". I would have been overwhelmingly grateful that the band decided to play, that is the kind of situation when I can't seem to get the foot out! LOL!
Are we not all guilty of trying to extract that large jammed foot from our mouths!
great hub!
Thanks for stopping by k@ri and sixtyorso! It's such a relief to find I'm not the only one with the disease! :P
I, too, shall join the ranks of "foot in mouth" syndrome..sigh. I do a lot of sighing.. I relive some of the ones I would really love to take back..they kind of haunt me, 2 in particular.. I could chuckle one off, but the other was a total accident. I used to point my first finger at people as say hello..don't know why I did it but a gal walked in the office and I did it to her.. totally slipped my mind her half bro had just shot her dad (killed him). I could have died 100x with the sad look she gave me. I never did that again!
Haha, Candie we sure are birds of a feather...I do a lot of sighing too, usually after doing or saying something idiotic, which is pretty often! :P
Shalini Kagal says:
9 months ago
How true - I do it all the time :D
But we've survived, Haven't we? Whew!!
Didn't realise you'd put your foot in it that day though!!