Yes Susan Boyle and Lindsay Lohan are seeing each other in more than just a 'teach me how to sing Lindsay' capacity--they are lovers and proud of it!

The unlikely pair are currently living together in a flat in London's Soho Distict famous for other such couplings--Boy George and Elton John being two of their neighbours--and flaunting their romance to all and sundry.

I had the priviledge of interviewing the love-birds recently:

Answer Man: So Susie, can I call you Susie?

Susan: You do and I'll shove your microphone where the sun don't shine, Sunshine! Ma name is Susan and do ya forrrrget it!

Lindsay: Now now Suzie-Q. Watch that hot Scottish temper! Save it for the bedroom Big Bertha!

Answer Man: Can I ask you Susan, about your past? What have you been doing with yourself all these years?

Susan: Well Answer Man, let me tell ya I look back on it with a tear in my eye and nostalgia...sitting up there in the Highlands, watching me Dad's sheep graze all day--I especially liked Albert the black sheep...he was a naughty boy... I amused myself by singin' for the wooly ones. The especially love "Puttin' On the Ritz" and "Fly Me to the Moon" and other such.

In the evenin's (or the 'gloaming' as we Scots call it) Daddums and I would sit before the fire and make rude noises to keep each other smilin'. I must say...I was a smelly house and when we had cheese...

Lindsay: O my! Let's switch the subject, Honey-lamb!

Susan: (looking pissy) As I was SAYIN'...Daddums would use me and my steel-wool hair as a good way to mop the floor...just held me by my ankles and dipped me in the soapy bucket...ah those were the days...

Answer Man: So Lindsay, what did you find first attracted you to Susan?

Lindsay: O that's an easy one! Her luxuriant eyebrows of course! I just love the way they look almost like one straight line...it's so, so,...Neanderthal! I'm thinking of growing mine the same way. I also adore Susan's singing. She belts out a tune in a way that says "Don't You Dare Stop Me Until I'm Done or I'll Sock You in the Jaw!" What panache!

Answer Man: So what do you two do on a date?

Lindsay: Ha!...it's always fun with Susie-Q.

Susan: (smirking)

Lindsay: We like to ride that ferris wheel on the Thames and when it gets to the top Susan stands up and sings "God Save the Queen" at the top of her lungs. It cracks me up everytime. Then she tries to pull me out of my seat and throw me over the side...I laugh and laugh...I KNOW she'd never do it. It's not like she's THAT crazy.

Susan: (not smirking now but looking at Lindsay very strangely...)

Answer Man: And Susan, what do you like to do on a date?

Susan: O well...a plate of haggis and cow's eyeballs and a nice chick-flic on the telly...I'm a simple gal at heart you know...and then off to bed where the real fun starts...but don't ask me about that or I'll can ya Answer Man!

Answer Man: (looking nervous) Well my time is about up so thanks girls for the interview!

Susan: O good your a goin'. Simon Cowel is comin' over in ten minutes and I want to look my best for that hunky pants!

Lindsay: Hey...watch it sister, or I'll start to get jealous!

Susan:  Ach....you just wish he had a thing for you like he has for me! Didn't ya see the way he looked at myself when I was singin' in my house-dress?  Talk about 'do I make ya horney baby?...

 Fade OOUT  (not a moment too soon)