There have been many times in my chaotic life that I have hurt people and been hurt as well. Probably the biggest hurt in my life came from my relationship with my abusive father. I held a grudge against him for years, even after his suicide. It took me until just recently to consciously forgive him. I blamed him for a lot of the dysfunction in my life, which is easy to do given the circumstances.

I also blamed my mother for staying with him. I knew that she was trapped, as he was an ex-Marine (I know, no such thing as an ex-Marine), and he had threatened to kill her whole family if she left. In retrospect, I can see now that it was simply lucky that he chose to kill himself and no one else. There have been many cases where a man took out a chosen few prior to suicide. Lucky we are, indeed.

I also had a great deal of hostility toward my first husband, who rescued me from that abusive household. The problem was that he was not affectionate, and he refused to tell me that he loved me unless he was drunk (I guess that is one of the reasons that I was not concerned when my currently estranged husband began to drink, but that situation is another hub altogether!). I felt so rejected by him that I did some things that I regret deeply.

I would apologize for the pain I caused him and thank him for the efforts he did put in, but it would only open up a can of worms. He is married to someone else now, and she hates me. So it is probably not a good idea to even try to approach that situation again. Nope. I'll just hang onto this desire for closure until an opportunity presents itself. I know it is just a matter of time. No reason to rush that one. I can do without the hassle, and I don't want to cause him problems, either. Funny, I even have compassion for the wife. I wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way. I wish I could even apologize to her (long story).

There are other friends, boyfriends and husbands I have hurt in one way or another, and people who have hurt me as well. I have made amends to most of them. Others, I haven't. Some things are better left unsaid. Even an apology can fall into that category if it will cause more pain than it will relieve. And there are a multitude of people who have hurt me, but I have forgiven them. It was actually a very nice release for me.

We all make mistakes. We are this imperfect race called human. We have feelings that sometimes override the thoughts in our head. I cannot count the times I have jumped to conclusions, jumped into situations and jumped up and down in anger. I have also jumped from the frying pan into the fire more than once. I have learned that jumping in any form is usually immediately followed by a heartache for someone involved in the equation.

(Note to self: No More Jumping!!!).

My point is this: Try to be considerate of others. Consider the possible consequences of your potential actions before acting. If you hurt someone, even without meaning to, apologize immediately, before the moment is gone. Life is short. You never know if someone you hurt will be gone before you can tell them you are sorry. Someday, you just might be glad that you did!

The last thing that happened between my father and I was a telephone conversation. My mother had just left him for good after he had beaten her for years. I was married, and my father was telling me that he was going to shoot himself. My husband grabbed the phone and told my father to just go ahead and kill himself. Shortly thereafter, he did.

The last things that happen will ring in your ears and your heart forever. Even if your apology falls on deaf ears, if the lines of communication are open enough to approach, bring the words in for a landing. If the other person is not open to your apology, at least you tried. On some level, that balances karma. If they choose to hold a grudge, it's their problem.

As long as you know that you did what you could, you are set free from the burden of guilt. If you are truly sorry, and you vocalize that you feel badly and ask for forgiveness, you have done all that you can. What more can anyone ask?