I have learned that being alone is not as bad a seems. I now understand that being alone and being lonely mean two entirely different things. I have been in love once before, it seems a lifetime ago even though it was just about 2 years ago. This man was everything to me, the reason I woke up in the morning, my whole existence evolved around him. How unfortunate it was, that my life only felt worth living because of another human being. My self-worth was at an all time low. The relationship was as toxic as it was doomed from the very beginning. Sure we had our good times, but I can honestly say the memory of that has faded. What I have been left with is a deep resentment for the opposite sex and I further distance myself from the idea of ever being in a truly successful relationship.

What does one do when the abuse is emotional and not physical? I was in an emotionally draining relationship, and it was pathetic to see and remember my futile attempts to please him, despite failing miserably to do so. I  loved  100%, cooked, cleaned, everything imaginable....I did to the fullest extent. So I write this article as a changed woman, a shadow of my former self, but in a good way. Many women end up in disastrous relationships such as the one I was in. I found myself in a situation where my whole entire day would be filled with thoughts of him. In more ways than one it was a blessing in disguise that he left me, because I can almost guarantee I was not going to make the first move. I was comfortable in a situation that fed on my desire to be accepted and loved by someone, even though I hardly got any love. Ladies, listen up closely, if he does not give a damn about you now, he probably never will.

I began my journey of self love a year after my so called boyfriend dumped me. For a year I kept hoping he would come back to me. I pleaded like a pathetic puppy dog, when I remember the way I degraded myself begging him I cringe at the very thought. I must say, it was quite a year. I realized much later that the best thing to do is forget him. How do you forget the love of your life you ask? It is not an easy task, and you cannot completely forget him, but you can reach a point where the mention of his name does not make you want to do cartwheels like I did. I was bruised emotionally and that has still not healed, the scars are invisible but they are definitely there.

I took up writing and other hobbies as a way of keeping myself occupied. I also joined a book club, and there are many depending on where you live that are always looking to add new members. I ventured the outdoors, but I guess residing in New York City, in a way takes away from the whole outdoor experience unless you are in Central park. I found streets and places I never knew existed before. Visited many museums and restaurants and learned a great deal. I took advantage of local websites that mention free events that take place all around the city. I am also thinking of joining a dancing class; maybe salsa....God knows I need it! I met wonderful people during this whole period of self discovery and have forged lifelong friendships and gained an understanding of what life is like when I’m not sobbing uncontrollably over my pillow. I think for almost two years my constant companion was my pillow...Oh pillow....how I miss you, but not too much.

So ladies, whatever you are going through with that man who constantly makes you feel invisible, there is a way to get out and find your inner warrior. Cheesy as that may I sound, it is what helped me overcome and accept my mistakes, cherish the good moments and break free from a life of pure agony with a man who could care less about me and my well being. Granted he made the first move letting me go, but it took a long...long...long time to come to terms with that and see it as a positive outcome. Good Luck ladies being alone is not that bad, just don’t be lonely by keeping to yourself and shutting out the world. There is a lot to discover..."Life is but a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get!"( Forrest Gump).