Talk With Your Teenagers When They Say They Plan On Having Sex

I am answering this hub request for a person who was asking about what to do if their sixteen year old daughter is planning on having sex. Realistically many teenagers who talk about having sex are going to follow through with this, so it is important to keep the lines of communication open. Even with people who are religious it is important to realize that this may not be an impediment in keeping your son or daughter from experimenting sexually. Ideally it is better to wait to have sex for a myriad of reasons, but several studies have shown that the average person will lose their virginity by the age of seventeen. Studies such as these do not mean that every single person is going to go out and have sex, but human sexuality is something that cannot be curtailed and stopped. When restrictions are put on this behavior many teenagers will become rebellious and will find ways to be intimate against the wishes of their parents. This hub will investigate how parents can communicate with their teenagers to help them make the best choices about waiting to have sex.

Talking with your child about why they should wait to have sex is very important. Do not simply buy your child a book and tell them to read it. If you want your child to understand you values regarding waiting to have sex then you must discuss why you feel this way. This means accepting that they may make a few choices that you do not agree with, but if you keep the lines of communication open at least they will know where you stand. If you tell them they cannot have sex then this will make them want to do this because human nature is very contrary. Humans often feel provoked to do the things that they are told not to do, so you need to work with your son or daughter and help them see why it is better to put off having sex.

If your son or daughter comes to says that they plan on having sex, then help him or her find access to birth control. Honestly I feel teenagers are way too young to be having sex and I wish more of them would wait, but we cannot force people to do this. In the meantime many unwanted pregnancies can be prevented by ensuring that your teenager has access to birth control. Take them to Planned Parenthood classes for teens so they can learn more about safe birth control practices or at least allow them to read the information on the Planned Parenthood website. Many people argue that giving teenagers access to birth control is promoting sexuality, but providing this safety net is actually helping to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Just because you are giving your teenagers access to information does not mean you have to renege on your values of saving sex for a committed relationship or marriage. Actually, when sharing this information with your child it is the ideal time to tell them why it is better to wait.

Not telling your children about how birth control works can have dire consequences. I used to know a man whose mom was a Sunday school teacher and a pillar of her community, but she decided to never have a proper sex talk with her sons. When one of her sons first decided to have sex for the first time his partner told him that she would not get pregnant if they did not use birth control. Well guess what happened, she became pregnant and his mom forced him to marry her because she wanted her son to do the right thing. Her son did not want to marry this woman because he had just met her, but he was obeying the wishes of his mother that had never had a proper sex talk with him. A year later his wife became pregnant again because she told him his brother's girlfriend had stolen her birth control, but skipping birth control for a few days would not result in pregnancy. Well guess what happened this time, this young man became a father twice over before his twentieth birthday. Years later he admitted that even though he loved his children he would not have made these mistakes if his mother had properly taught him about birth control. Thus, I think giving teenagers access to accurate information about birth control is much more helpful than just avoiding the sex talk.

Ask your children why they want to have sex right at this moment in their life. Are they being influenced by teenage role models such as Jamie Lynn Spears who just had a baby and do they think this would be a fun thing to do? This may sound like a silly question to ask your kids, but recently there were a group of sophomore high school girls that made a pact to all have children and raise them together. If you discover that your children are just wanting to have sex because it looks fun or because they might want to have a baby, try introducing them to some new role models. If you are religious and having pre-martial sex is against your beliefs, than clearly explain to your teens why you feel this way.  Do not preach to them, actually talk with them and help them understand why you want them to wait until marriage to have sex.  Honestly I do not believe waiting until marriage to have sex is a realistic goal in itself, but if you feel strongly about this position then you must be able to explain it and share it with your teens in a respectful manner.

If your family is not religious then you could help your children become interested in organizations such as Life Athletes, which promotes abstinence and the curbing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. The reality is birth control is not one hundred percent effective and the probability of contracting a sexually transmitted virus (STD) is directly proportional to the increased number of intimate partners a person has. Do your teenager a favor and let him or her know that even sex with birth control is not one hundred percent effective and sometimes it is best to wait until a couple are in a committed relationship and have both have been tested and are free of STD's.  This is not always realistic, but your children are much more likely to listen to what you are saying if you share this with them often enough. In the end no parent can keep their child from having sex, but talking with your child and sharing your values with him or her will at least give them another perspective. Also, help your teenager realize that having sex once does not mean they must continue having sex if they realize it was a mistake and that secondary virginity/celibacy is often a great approach.