I have spent majority of my life thinking I was in control. I was lost in the illusion that I could handle any issue that I would encounter. But I was wrong. I understand now that I cant do everything by myself. Somethings we cant do on our own, we do need somebody.

My life has been geared to be a loner. I have never had allot of friends, nor do I want them. So allot of things I did in my life, I did by myself. But through wisdom, and life experiences I now know God has always wanted me to ask Him for help. I lie in bed at night haunted by bad decisions, and all the wrong that I have done. I am truly ashamed. But I know I can not live in guilt for the rest of my life. They were mistakes, so I bring myself back to reality.
There is a powerful force in all of us that makes it hard to do right. That force is sin. A small word, but its actions are massive. There is nothing more painful then to not hear God, or feel His presence. You feel alone, and lost. You feel trapped. You feel like you have no direction, or no way out. I know everyone has felt that God isn't listening, or just too ashamed to even talk to Him. We want to do right but we cant, because something is holding us back....possibly even ourselves. I, for one, do things I don't want to do; in-fact I hate when I do them. But I don't stop trying. I don't give up, but at times I do give in. This furthermore shows me that I am not in control. I ask God, even when I feel I don't deserve it. The devil is good at showing you your failures, and weaknesses. He is the master of deception, depression, confusion, anger, guilt, and self pity. We can not fight him on our own- it is impossible. You must realize first off God created him. Second, he has divine knowledge. And last, he is a spirit being, that has been around long before we were created. But we have help. We have someone who will fight for us. We have God.
I write because when I don't, sometimes I get lost in this world. But God calls to me and brings me back to Him. I am far from a saint. If you knew me you would definitely know that. But because of who I am doesn't keep me from striving to do the right thing. I am learning that I am not in control, and that I do need His help. Sometimes we must go through a tough time on our own, to realize we need God. I know that the devil knows our weaknesses, and uses them against us. I know my faults. But we have to be responsible for our own actions as well. The answers to all of our problems, have always been available to us. We are just blinded, and living in a world of trickery. Its like looking through fog, seeing some, but not all of the big picture. Life is nothing more then a big test. So like any test you have taken in your life don't you study for it? So wouldn't it be smart to do the same with your life? Wouldn't you want to talk to the teacher? Well?
I am not in control. You are not in control. So lets talk to Him...who is in control of all things.