I often say that I’m a student of human behavior. I tend to sit back & watch people’s mannerisms, non-verbal cues, overall demeanor. It’s a force of habit from earlier days when I had to watch out for a parent who might just haul off and hit me at any moment. Growing up that way, you learn pretty quickly to watch people’s “moods.”

One of the “special powers” that was granted me for my years of hard work is the ability to read people, particularly when they’re lying or being elusive. This is serious business! Information gathered from “people reading” is so powerful that an entire course of study called FACS, used by the US government to train operatives in the science of reading facial cues, exists simply to give the advantage in human interaction.

I’m not saying that I’m some sort of human lie detecting Grand Master, but I’m more than capable of telling the difference between the truth and bull honkey with most people.

For those of you less adept in this area, I’m going to give you a few pointers on common signs to gauge how likely it is the other party is withholding information. A disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that anyone walk around distrusting or suspicious of everyone. Rather, I’m sharing these tips with you to improve your prowess in business dealings & negotiation.

You’ll see me call the other party in these negotiations your “opponent.” This is not to say that the two of you are at odds necessarily, but rather that you should approach this as a game – a way of ferreting out the truth under all the different masks & social convention most of us wear when dealing with others.

What is a Tell?

Think of tells as little indicators, thermometers of your opponent’s mental or emotional attitude in a given situation. Your job is to use your knowledge of nonverbal cues in conversation, coupled with your power of observation, to identify your opponent’s tell. This is vitally important in business negotiations, personal relationships, and of course, gambling.

It’s true what poker players say: Everyone has a “tell.”

A tell is one of the most vital pieces of information you can ever learn about another person. In negotiation, it can be all you need to know to strengthen your position on price or terms. For many people, tells tend to be rather obvious, and can be easily spotted by anyone who cares enough to pay attention. The most recognizable tell of all time: the inability to make eye contact.

You know how you get an uneasy feeling when you meet someone new & they don’t make eye contact with you when speaking or shaking hands? That is not only your subconscious speaking, but also your brain responding to your overall reading of their character. The eyes really are the windows to the soul; if someone won’t let us see theirs, we tend to become distrusting of them – often with good reason. Some other strong ones are things like restlessness & shifting in one’s seat, clearing the throat or coughing repeatedly while speaking; you get the idea.

Most people who’ve given any effort to learning to control their behavior, however, have practiced getting rid of completely obvious tells. The best con artists, in particular, become excellent at eye contact. Many a person has been “flim-flammed” by someone they felt comfortable with because they couldn’t believe that another person could ‘look them right in the eyes and lie.’

The more advanced truth dodger will have a much larger arsenal of weaponry. Included in that arsenal will be a stronger ability to mask obvious physical tells, although they may still have them.

The Way to Spot Subtle Tells

The best way to spot a subtle tell is to watch your opponent’s movements and facial expressions in a non-threatening environment, if possible. For example, if you are in negotiation with an executive and are asked out to lunch, observe him on the way to, during and after your meal together. Watch his face when little annoyances arise, as they always do. If his food order is incorrect, watch the way he furrows his brow & sighs slightly before eating. This may be his tension tell. Now, if you see that set of actions again, you’ll be able to easily identify what sort of state he’s in.

It’s important to observe the subtlest of movements and change in expression. The more refined the individual, the less obvious his tells. Something as simple as a raised eyebrow or wrinkle of the nose could mean the difference between success and failure in negotiation.

What methods do you use to gauge the temperature of your interactions? Does the power of observation come in handy when you go to buy a car or hammer out a deal? If not, start today to hone your skill in reading people. It’s like ‘they’ often say:

You don’t get what you deserve; you get what you negotiate.

*Today’s a new day…make it a GREAT one!*