Ten Things Your Mother Will Never Tell You About Men
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Never a Bridesmaid, Always a Bride
Valentine's Day is coming and love is in the air. Or maybe that's just smog. I can't tell anymore. I've had three husbands, three divorces, and three dozen roses in my life (all from my current sweetie), but for all that all I really have to show for it is a load of bad advice.
So I figured, hey, what are friends for? I'm going to share my years of questionable experience and unhelpful observations with my friends here at Hub Pages as a kind of early Valentine's Day present.
Why not?
I grew up in a household that valued early marriage for girls, a household full of lots of girls and a single boy, a household that was almost maniacly focused on securing matrimony for those girls at any cost. I got a lot of bad advice about boys, most of it designed to help me catch and keep one.
Never mind if I wanted one!
What does that have to do with anything?
The point back in those days was to be pretty and accommodating, slim and well-mannered, focused on every male need whilst cultivating all the best domestic skills. Young girls were put on earth to find the right man, have a couple of babies, and cook things, and if you were very lucky, you might get to have your hair done once a week. This was the life I was trained to want.
The life I actually got was a bit different. Some of the hardest lessons learned came not so much from making mistakes as from doing everything 'right.' Taking some of the old standard advice on men and romance to heart is a good way for any girl to get herself into all kinds of trouble, and I certainly got into my share. But I did live to tell about it.
So here, for what it's worth (and it might not be worth too much), are ten things your mother won't tell you about men.
Feel free to ignore any or all of them.
Ten Things Your Mother Will Never Tell You
#1--Men make bad pets. Do you think that little dog that Paris Hilton carries around in her pink Versace bag looks happy? As miserable as that mutt may appear, his suffering is nothing compared to that of any generic boy toy. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Who cares if he's happy," right? But consider this: That annoying habit of sniffing your crotch in public and humping your best friend's leg? A little dog can't do that while confined to Versace bag. If you don't actually like a man, don't haul him all over town just to show him off. It won't be long before that goes very, very badly for you.
#2--Men can't be 'trained.' I know there are women who swear otherwise. I don't know what to say to those women. Training a man is definitely one of the hardest, most impossible tasks any woman will ever undertake, but in 99 out of 100 cases, once a woman is finally successful at such training, she will leave that guy and start all over again with someone else. It's one of life's greatest paradoxes: Women say they want men who are sensitive, kind, patient, and love to shop, and then they fall for men who are bad-tempered, self-absorbed, unrepentent hounds. Men are on to women in this regard and reflexively resist all training efforts. You can't really blame them for this.
#3--Men like pornography. Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but men start hiding smutty pictures under their mattresses when they are about 10 or 11 and they never really get over that. They may learn not to make a big display about it in front of you, and that is all as it should be, but don't think for a single second that you've got a more evolved specimen on your hands (sorry) just because there aren't any porn sites bookmarked on your shared PC. What you've got there is a careful specimen.
#4--Men don't always want to have sex with you. The most important part of this sentence are the words "with you." Even though men can't be trained, (see #1), most men are smart enough to know that if they are honest about wanting to have sex with other women it won't go well for them and they will have less sex in their lives with you, period, ever. So they learn to be circumspect about this, and that makes life a lot easier on everybody. That doesn't mean they don't still think about it all the time. It doesn't make them bad, it just makes them men.
#5--Men don't care about sex after they're sure of you. This is a matter of degree, really. At first, when two people fall in love and everything is new, men want to have sex about twenty times a day. Once they know you are there for keeps and that everything will likely be fine, they settle down a lot and go back to daydreaming about centerfolds and asking if there is any ham salad left in the refrigerator. This doesn't mean they don't love you anymore. It's kind of the reverse of that, actually.
#6--Men don't confuse sex with love. Women do this all the time. Women are taught to think that if a man is attracted to them that means something, and most definitely vice versa. What a man's advances mean depends on the woman--to some women it means she's halfway to the altar, to others it means power and control, to still others it means love is in flower. It doesn't necessarily mean any of those things to the man. It means something itches. Men are quite capable of being wildly attracted sexually to women they can't stand.
#7--Men really do care about food. That old joke about how to please a man (Show up naked, bring food) is not too far off the mark. You can make a show of not cooking when you are young and beautiful, but down the line you'd better at least have some good carryout places programmed into your cell phone. An old joke puts it this way: Some friends send a stripper to a nursing home to deliver a birthday greeting to a guy who is about to hit 90. The stripper whips off her clothing and declares to the surprised senior, "I'm here to give you Super Sex!" And the guy replies, "OK, I'll take the soup." Think about that. There's a reason people think that's funny.
#8--Men can smell desperation. Have you ever wondered why you never meet any good men when you want to, but when you are schlepping around town in your sweats and you're just getting over a bad breakup and you'd rather catch a bad rash than another man then suddenly they are all over you like a swarm of gnats? Well, that's why. The best way to "catch" a man is to stop trying. Even when you are in a longterm relationship that's very good, it's wise to keep your own life active and some interests your own. If he senses that you have made him the center of your world, it's going to make him nervous. Who wants to carry a burden like that? Let the guy breathe.
#9--Men do have feelings, they're just lousy at talking about them. I honestly think that men are much more sensitive than women in a lot of ways. Men don't learn to read and manipulate feelings as early and as well as women do, so when they do feel things, their feelings tend to be more intense and less filtered by conditioning and the expectations of others. To make it all worse they have often been taught to pretend as if nothing is happening. And then, into the welter of this emotional mess women inject the, "We need to talk," thing. Don't talk. Listen. Chances are he won't be able to say it in the words you would use, but if are quiet and pay attention you will get the message loud and clear.
#10--Men are just people. For all the fuss that's made about the differences between the sexes and how men are from Mars and women are from the other side of Mars, men and women are basically more alike than they are different. Sometimes we make too big a deal about what separates us, and not a big enough deal about what makes us friends. Once you've done your bit for the survival of the species, it's the friends part that really matters.
Happy Valentines Day!
I don't really know anything about men. But I do have a really nice one in my life. We met on Valentine's Day, and we will shortly be celebrating our fourth anniversary.
Just a little fun here, just a little tongue-in-cheek bullsh*t.
Take it or leave it, and eat lots of chocolate.
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Happy VDay right back at ya dineane! I love M & Ms. Yum~!
I grew up in the age you did, so I was groomed and cultivated to find the right man at any cost. But all that "Cinderella" conditioning backfired. Geeze, Pam, I could write my history in response to this Hub. But not now. Most important, congratulations on your fourth anniversary.
3, 7, and 8 really ring my chimes. My mother told me about 3 and 7, but never about 8. 3 I discovered when my young daughter had a sleep-over that was going to take place in the marital bedroom. Good for me, I cleaned thoroughly, and guess what I found? As for 7, my mother was raised in a family where the boys got the meat at the expense of the girls...a lesson not lost on me.
As for 8, well, she never told me about that. So true, so true.
Thanks for a great trip down memory lane.
I'm guessing this Hub will generate LOTS of comments from both sides of the fence.
Thumbs up.
When I first read the title, I was ready to come in here and "rip you a new one" (in my charming and humorous way, of course.) Instead, I stand up and applaud you. Your insight into everything, it seems--and now men--is remarkable. I had to laugh on many occaisions, sometimes uncomfortably, because it is uncomfortable to have somebody see so deeply into your being (which is why I love the novel The Unbearable Lightness of Being, but hate it too.) Number 8 particularly struck me, and the reverse is also true. The best way to get a woman is to not try to get her, better yet, get a hot girlfriend, or better still, get married: You could have been high and dry for years, and then you get one of those situations and women come out of the woodwork (or so I've been told).
I think you have us pegged, and I think you make us look...uh...normal? Not due the contempt we often recieve for things we don't control?
Anyway, thanks for writing this. It's a public service! And, need I mention, truthful and funny as hell!!
LOL.. Great title for your Hub. Pulled me right in. Very sound advice on men. Happy V Day!
Ah, PG, you've really only got 9 good reasons, and 1 cop out (CYA) paragraph to avoid getting labeled a sexist something or other. But, still, I thought it was great! Funny in parts, true here and there, but a darn good, well-written hub. thanks!
I think the whole 50's perfect housewife era really did a lot of women's heads in. Im a bit younger and grew up believing that "women can do anything" and then went into a man dominatd industry - where the guys forgot I was a woman - when a man look deep into my eyes and tell's me I am the most beautiful woman they have ever seen I fall around laughing - cause I know its all about the sex - which is fine because it was all about the sex for me too.
I did finally end up in a long-term stable partnership - for 10 years now- no one was more surprised than I - he wasn't gorgeous or handsome - he just wanted to dance - and that one worked LOL
Fun to read. LOL! Number 8 is a good one. It weird how when one is NOT looking for companionship, opportunities pop up. Guess, the "desperation" signals is a turn off for both men and women.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I'l have you know that that in example #3 I was 12 and they weren't just smutty pictures, It was the whole magazine.
LOL! Holy cow, thanks for stopping by you guys.
Sally--I know, we could really dish if we were in the same coffee shop, huh? Some day maybe we'll have a Hub Pages girl meeting and all of us 'of a certain age' can have some laughs. Thanks for commenting!
Christoph--Seriously I'm flattered. I was wondering if this hub would piss the HP guys off or if you'd all take it in good humor. Thanks for doing the second thing. :o)
Thank you for reading this Reynolds_Writing!
Bruce, you're right, #10 is a cop out, but I felt a cop out was required for my own protection. LOL!
Lissie--I think you are right, it IS different for women born a generation (or two) later than I was. Thank God!
Violet Sun, yes it's weird isn't it? Just when you give up, that's when it happens.
Hey RJ, I wondered why the bed here was so lumpy...You've given me new insight into what was heretofore a household mystery.
One more thing. The skunk, Flower, images are so cute. Perhaps there's a subliminal message there? LOL.
Sally, I LOVE Pepe Le Peeuw--he's like, one of my all-time favorites. I found these and they're even copyright free--like as in I'm not stealing them like I usually do. I love that skunk. :)
Hilarious, PG. I loved the list and muttered, uh huh, under my breath as I read each item. Then my husband asked if there was more ham salad in the fridge and I threw my copy of Cosmo at him. Happy Valentine's Day to you!
Thanks NY Lady! Isn't Cosmo funny? It hasn't changed in 30 years, seriously. :o)
All of these are definitely sooooooo true! My mom NEVER told me anything, and my dad didn't either, so one day early in my husband's and my relationship he sat me down and explained things to me. You hit all the same points he did!
Pam- You yourself are a mother so you must have given good advice about men. Yes about the expectations part I guess most mothers do tell their daughters. And also in our families when we look for a boy then he shouldn't be smoking, drinking or womanising (prior girl friends and all) because certain habits(or values depends on perception) are difficult to change after marriage. Yes also my best friend in college had a love marriage and she was very discreet about it until her wedding card was printed.
I would say some of your advice sounds like you are a mother from the east. And one of the best piece of advice which my mother gave me was that one doesn't need to have bad experiences oneself to learn from life but can learn by hearing/observing others which some call better understanding or good judgement. Thanks for this nice pieces of advice.
Pgrundy, I hear where you're coming from on all points. When are you going to publish your book? I'd buy it and I know exactly who I'd give it too. Another great Hub!
Well written. I would add to the bit about men and feelings that it's good self preservation. Before meeting you, most men have confided in women when they were younger, shared every feeling and thought, then had that turned around and used against them as if they bought her a special set of personalized throwing knives.
Women do have this gift of social awareness and understanding the subtleties of emotion and social filtering. Men don't have those social filters and so when they do share their feelings, they're real -- and the pain when a woman discounts their feelings or the reasons for them is real too, it's heartbreak. Even when women care, sometimes they disconfirm something important that a man feels deeply. So he learns fast never to put anything in terms of emotion and stand on ground that can be rationally defended with facts and precedent.
I still can't quite comprehend the way women's feelings can change so fast just by what other people think of them, change for real. It makes many women seem false, chameleons who can turn on the tears and love or hate or despise or laugh on the slightest social cue. When I feel, it's from within and in relation to my own ethics and worldview, other people's ideas have nothing to do with that. Except sometimes to change my view of that other person.
When I hear some woman say "You shouldn't feel that way" something cold comes down inside me and I know to walk away. Because I have a right to a full range of human emotion and the only things that I restrict for the sake of society or community are my actions. Not my feelings.
It makes as much sense as being in pain and someone saying "Well, you shouldn't feel any pain." The pain is there no matter what they say. That is emotion from a male point of view.
Robert
This hub is awesome. You're quite observant!
#2 "Women say they want men who are sensitive, kind, patient, and love to shop, and then they fall for men who are bad-tempered, self-absorbed, unrepentent hounds."
I'm glad a woman has noticed this too. It's so hard if you actually are a sensitive, kind, patient man, cause all the (apparent) "good" girls seem to fall for the "bad" boys.
LOL.. the title indeed was very catchy and made me drink the whole hub :p.. Nice advices you put up there.. Thanks
Lovely hub! A lot of it seems to ring soooo true, you need to write a guide to relationships for teenagers, it would increase the sum of human happiness.
Great hub PG, you are right about the fact that my mother never ever told me these things about men, in fact we never ever discussed men. I learnt all of the things you've said here the hard way- and now I think I must be kind to my daughter and educate her about these things :)
Thinking about it, my Granny told me more of these things than my mother did. She didn't focus on porn (probably not so readily available for my Grandad, not that I want to think about it) but food, not being desparate, all the rest of it, men being able to do sex without love (she didn't put it quite like that, but that's what she meant).
Wow, lot of comments. Thank you all for sharing you thoughts and reading through this bit of fun.
KTpx & Countrywomen, thank you for commenting. That's funny that I of all people would sound Eastern on this topic. It's probably just that this is how ALL old women go on! LOL!
loaringo, Clara & vivhari, thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate them.
Londongirl--You know what? My grandmother was the same way. Nothing of real use from my Mom. but my grandmother hit most of this now that you mention it.
Marco--Yes, it's weird isn't it? There used to be an acronym for the nice guy--S.N.A.G.--Sensitve New Age Guy. That's mean, but yeah. And doesn't it always seem like the people from BOTH genders who have the longest 'shopping list' of what their ideal mates should be are the ones who run off with exactly who is NOT on the list? It's like the list is protective. It's not real.
Robert, I think a whole book could be written on how women's feelings and use of feelings have been distorted by culture, and how men's feelings have been discounted and marginalized. It makes it hard on everyone, it's so unbalanced. I'd like to say its changing but I don't think it really is. Great comment, thank you.
Another great hub, Pam.
#8 is especially important, I think. I went to one of the better private liberal arts colleges in the Midwest and was shocked and frankly horrified by the number of girls there who seemed convinced they NEEDED to be in a relationship to be happy. Two of my best friends were among them. One threw herself into inappropriate relationship after inappropriate relationship just so she could say had a boyfriend (especially at Valentine's Day - stupid, stupid holiday); the other moved in with her boyfriend after graduation and then had to endure over a year of her mother starting every single conversation they had with "Are you engaged yet?" before she gave in. I mean, these are highly intelligent, capable, ambitious, and nominally feminist women we're talking about here. If there's no hope for them, is there hope for anybody?
Pam, I love it! Your style always keeps me glued because I never know what you're going to say next. :) I love the skunk picture, Pepe is my favorite little cartoon guy of all time! This hub gets both thumbs up from me.
What can I say about the ten things? You're right and you covered them well, and you made me think about things I really hadn't considered. I think both sexes smell desperation. It's not very becoming either way, and I think you pointed that out well. lol!
So I was thinking about the beginning of this hub, and I was thinking...what can I say that might make Pam feel a little better about the way she was raised (not that you don't already feel fine about it now), and it didn't take me long. Nobody tried to groom me for anything, so I floundered for a long time. I don't know what's worse, to be groomed for doom or to be groomed for nothingness. LOL! :D I guess it sucks either way. ;)
I'll say, you've got men pegged! What a riot! Is this the right time for me to 'fess up that I'm as guilty of #6 as any man that ever walked on earth (or on the moon)? Laugh!
Seriously, #10 is the sweetest by far for my tastes :-)
I wish you'd do the "Ten Things About Women That Men Should be Aware of", I may even go as far as posting a request for this! Laugh!
Thanks for the great read, as always!
Hi kerry--Yes, I got married for the first time at 24, and my mother and grandmother were just dying over how long it took me. You'd have thought I was some kind of withering old maid or something. Really, what difference does it make if we never find a man? If you have a happy life, friends, work that matters, what is wrong with that? And the same goes for men. It's nice to have a partner, but having the wrong one can be hell on earth. There are definitely worse things than being single.
Pam--Thank you for the kind words! Really I don't resent my folks for how they raised me. They were doing what they thought was best, and most other women my age were raised the same way.I try to keep a sense of humor about it. That's all any of us can do. We don't choose our families.
Elena--Good idea for a hub! I would read that one! Thanks for commenting here. :o)
The title got my attention, so I came here ready to argue, for men everywhere, on several - if not all - points. But, guess what? You got right! Your man is one lucky-ass dude. I hope to find someone like you someday.
Good show, lass. Someone's been paying attention...
Haha, Pam-- Funny, and somewhat true, all together. I watched my little sisters fall, for, basically the same stuff (though being 'the perfect housewife' wasn't really the thing in the 80's or 90's). Boyfriends and realtionships at 13 and 14--think they are were really living when they are just repeating the same old crap. The one sis got pregnant at 18, gave up the baby (they don't know if the kid is even alive now), and entered a series of relationships. The other sister has been through tons and tons of men (does she discriminate at all? I keep asking her) but is still single.
I would absolutely agree with your last point above everything--men are people more alike to women than different. And also the desperation point--on both sides of the coin. (Though, it really does not seem to work for me if I go around in my schleppy sweats and baseball cap!) One rather stinging thing I've observed however (I have no kids of my own--and don't want to find out) is that things look a lot different when children are involved--some of these funny male pecadillos seem pretty cardinal in nature.
Hey -- great Hub. And true to life for any of the men I've ever met, anywhere! I wish I'd known all this when I was in my twenties -- now that I finally know what and why men are, I have begun to like them as a species, and make no effort to consider them anything like women, which I used to do. And, of course, wouldn't you know that I finally like men now that I've been single for a few years? They're great, but I don't need one in my space, getting in my way, eating all the ravioli. Wouldn't want one as a pet, either, but (seriously, now) I admire many of them, like plenty of them, and love several of them very much indeed, including my brother and a semi- and unofficially "adopted" son.
CW--Thank you! That is so sweet! I hope you find someone nice. You deserve it. :o)
Lita--This is a light piece, but there's lots of pain in my own family over it. My sisters married young too--one of them was 14 when she met her husband--he was 24 at the time. My folks were thrilled as they felt she was too 'wild' and he would calm her down. They've been married for 26 years now, so I guess it worked out--but we don't really have good relationships, my mom and her sisters didn't, my grandmother and her sisters didn't. I think women are very hard on each other. If a man goes through lots of women, he's a playboy. If a woman does it, she has an emotional problem--and it's the other women who really tear her apart the worst. But I guess that's another hub. It took me a long time to just accept myself and not absorb that kind of crap. A really long time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Teresa--Being single has tremendous advantages, not the least of which is being able to love the men in your life from a comfortable distance! I was single for a long time in between men, and it was great. This is great too--but I totally know where you are coming from. Thanks for posting.
Great hub! Very good observations. Women could really learn a lot from men if they would forget everything they THINK they know about them. You have to let them mature/ripen as they become more comfortable with you. It's fascinating to watch. (sounds almost like a tomato or something, huh? LOL)
LOL! I love it--men as tomatoes. Not a bad analogy! You definitely don't want to pick them too early!
Excellent as usual Pam.
I think you and I would have no difficulty in agreeing that the world is going to hell in a hand basket and there's really no stopping it at this point. So, I would add to your Hub; virtually all the people "in charge" of everything in the world are men.
Case closed.
Excellent hub Pam, Just wish I had known all of this information when I began dating many years ago. Ahh well, got myself a good'un in the end :)
Love #10! This is soooo true.
Hi CWB--Now that you put it like that, it all makes sense. lol! Can you believe that Treasury guy Geithner saying with a straight face he messed up using Turbo Tax? Rilly? The head of the NY Federal Reserve expects the American public to think the files his taxes with TURBO TAX? That made me laugh out loud it was so lame.
Misty--I ended up with a nice one too, but mostly through sheet luck. Thanks for your comment.
destew--yes, #10 is the most important one. Thansk for reading them all!
Nice Hub, PG.
But, I feel a little off in some areas.
I am a member of the class of the '50's. So that puts me in the same era as you.
When I was in my teens I started playing football in junior high. I was raised by a single mother and a latch key kid. At fifteen, I met a mature, married lady. She used to watch me work out; from a darken window across the alley.
One day there was a knock at the door, and that sweet lady answered all of my questions about sex and women I had ever had.
#3--Men like pornography
This is very true! Men need visual simulation. And most women don't like it - simply because it features other women and not them. Women believe that their men are comparing them to the nymphs on the screen. But, in reality most men realize that we will never meet any of the beautiful women that we lust over on porn sites; and if we did actually meet them, they would scare the S**T out us.
Because we know that we would not measure up to their past experiences!
#4--Men don't always want to have sex with you
That's also true. There many times we just want look at your nude body with wonder and awe.
And many times we just want to cuddle, but the truth is we don't know how to cuddle.
We don't know just how much you love the slow, gentle scraping of our fingernails down and around your back. And do you know why we don't know these things it's because we AREN'T F***ING MIND READERS!
So tell us what you want!
And then tell us how to do it!
#5--Men don't care about sex after they're sure of you.
The only thing that women need to avoid this problem is learn to ride a horse!
It strengthens those PC muscles. Get a Kegel exerciser, preferably a rubber one with a built in pressure gage. When you can squeeze that sucker until it screams, do it to your man!
It German, you will be known as a MILCH - I think that is right. European and Asian women seem to automatically know this, and American women could seem to care less!
I guarantee that if you ladies learn this, your men will never leave front porch! 'Cause they'll be guarding you.
#6--Men don't confuse sex with love
Whoa! This is completely off base! Women grasp that this is COMPLETELY WRONG!
Let's face ladies when it comes to sex - your man is completely STUPID! Where ever he's is stick' his play pretty, he will fall in love with that place! And the women that own that place know it!
Women use twice as much of their brains as men do.
Guys, I hate to tell you this, but while you are concentrating on doing the dirty deed with your woman; she is thinking about the dirty laundry, the kids performance in school, how to pay the bills, and how do I get this pig off of me - oh yeah, let's FAKE IT!
#8--Men can smell desperation.
It's not desperation that men smell in the sweats, it's that wonderful, spontaneous little squirts that women do for lubrication; either for sex or for excerise. They can't prevent it anymore than a man can prevent spontaneous erections or ejaculations. The amazing thing to me is that white men can't seem to smell that wonderful scent; and they don't even know why they are attracted to these women.
And women are so confused by the media about their bodies that they try all different types of preparations attempting to cover up their natural and beautiful scent. A flash for you ladies, those concoctions only work on white guys. Put an American Indian in the room and he will find you.
That's the main reason I smoke, it deadens my sense of smell so that I am not driven crazy by that delicious smell.
Wouldn't it be great if men understood women as well as we understand them? Maybe, we could manage some common ground with them---or not!
I resemble some of those remarks
great hub - learned everything i know the hard way - by mistake - not through gentle advice from an older woman...ah well it all worked out in the end and after the hard yards I found a good husband....Thanks for encapsulating all your observations onto one sheet for the benefit of those who follow on....
hi, i just read your hub and i applaud you.. it is really awesome and very insightful. I am still as young as 22 but i have always been brought up by my own mother to act and live like the "cinderella" era. To be a perfect mom, wife, etc.etc and be all superwoman in every way. and it's tough and the whole desperation thing creeps up on you, it's pathetic i know. but then again, it made me seem like that for quite sometime because i was expected to be perfect and find the perfect guy.
and yes, it is so true when you said about people who make lists of their ideal mates, i've always had one. and yes it is so true it's like a mark of protection for me. Something i definitely find solace in, then i realized, and my sister noticed as well that i actually seem to attract the wrong kind of men. the so-called perceived "bad-boys" yes it's new, liberating and it's like intoxicating for awhile but great at the same time.
and now, im dating this guy who i also think really is the one but at the same time, he obviously is like opposite of me in some ways, and even he jokes around with me that he's my bad-boy LOL
and i know it's true.. lol
i hope i can always put this in mind and not let my emotions get the best of me lol
but absolutely such a great hub..so thanks. this is helpful and all of it is true ;)
Cool! I would always dismiss my cousin's wisdom that before marriage you get more attention from your fiance. You tend to feel at the top of the world. But once you are married for sometime, you will fall with a thud to the ground realities.
After marriage I realized that wisdom is gained through true personal experience.
Wow .. what an excellent and insightful hub! Without recounting my family history here, suffice to say that my mother never taught me anything and this is the one topic I've never discussed with my very conservative dad. Close to a dozen failed relationships later, I finally found the right one (though I almost screwed this one up, too .. lol) :) #5 hits very close to home, especially :P And I really don't mind #3 at all :)
Thank you everyone for reading this! I appreciate your thoughts on it. :o)
Pam I don't know how I lost track of this hub. It's evident that I'm too late for commenting on this. Anyways, your articles never go stale. Always as fresh as a rose.
Although I agree with almost all the points given above, #2 caught my attention. Sounded familiar. LOL
Hi Anjali! You are never late and always welcome! #2 is familiar to me also--some things we just have to learn the hard way I guess. LOL! Thank you for stopping by.
This is so true, its scary.
Pam,
I LOVED this!! Very, hysterically funny, in a "Pam's really irritated this time," sort of way!
It's all true, for the most part. Men are horney, we, pretty much are over it at an early age. All the hype, blah, blah, blah, "oh yeah, he was great," is just crazy. Maybe I'm not all that into IT; I am, however, into HIM! That is the difference.
My mom was different; I think she wanted me to stay single unless the prince of Whales came along, UGH, did she even know about his ears????? Then I think she wanted me to be a career woman and change the world...she shoulda had a different kid! Sorry to disappoint, mom, but I'm just not that motivated! You should meet my friend Pam! Her mom wanted her to get married, at all cost! She, however, actually COULD run the world!
LOL!!!
Madison
FUN TO READ.
TRUE! men will always be MEN (lol)
Perfect hub for this month of hearts.
I seriously had to say this line: #1--Men make bad pets. Do you think that little dog that Paris Hilton carries around in her pink Versace bag looks happy? has me in absolute stitches.
I needed this laugh! Thanks!
You did a great job! What an enjoyable Valentine's Day article. Nothing like the schlop i read elsewhere. I agree with you wholeheartedly on most of your points. And even reading the comments was fun!
Absolutely loved the hub! You hit the nail on the head over and over. Most women really have no idea what men want, and probably don't give a rat's patootie. Kudos for such an enjoyable read.
Rightfully said sir . good show . Couldnt agree more . Rather enjoyed it thanks!
Excellent, Pam, I enjoyed it so much...Ahh, I believe after some time all women come to the same conclusions...
Happy Valentine)s day, and thanks for great writing of yours.
Happy 4th anniversary Pam, and happy Valentine's day, too.
There's nothing I can add to your very entertaining list, and all the comments pretty much have it covered, so I'll just say, very funny, very true, and well done!
Thanks Amanda!
And thank you everyone else for your kind words. Glad it made you laugh!
I still think you and I got swiched at birth; we have the wrong moms!!! LOL
Hi Madison-- that is very possible! I often think what my would have been life if no one was pushing me towards one thing and away from another, but I never can even imagine it. I think I'd be somebody else! lol!
My grandparents were absolutely horrified when my mother got engaged at the age of 18, and thankful that she didn't then chuck her university place. My Granny spoke to me a few years ago about walking on a tight-rope over the issue, convinced that if she said the wrong thing, my mother would marry in haste and repent at lesiure!
She didn't go on to marry him - fortunately from my perspective, as I wouldn't exist if she had done.
Hi LG, It's crazy isn't it? It seems that the best way for parents to get kids to do the opposite of what they want is to push them in a certain direction. Glad it worked our for your mom--and I'm glad you ARE here!
This was written by a man,. No way a woman wrote it. Not buyint that :(
funny yet insightful :)
I'm reasonably glad too! My mother was engaged twice before she met, got engaged to, and married my Dad. My Granny said that when she was told about the engagement, she thought, "here we go again...."
Thank you. I finally found somebody about men. I am always wonder why our parents talks about true side of men or women. I wish my dad told me about women, so I did not have find out myself.
Kudos for telling it like it is!
Great hub! #5 was especially reassuring. Thanks!
Go girl, very nicely written!!!!!!!!
Grundy,
This post represents a concerted accumulation of transcendent, penetrating vision. Although it is seemingly common-sensical, this realm of apprehension eludes most women. It is generally accepted that women are intuitive. But the sphere of men persists as the most illusive for women. Even the best among women lack the cognitive facility for judging men. My suggestion for women is rather abstract: Become as centered, self-actualizing as viably feasible and clarity will attend your choices. At this level of choosing, the actualized mechanism makes the choices for you. One of the frailties of woman is the frivolity of choice.
Grundy, you have to know that this stuff sells. People are desperate for this brand of enlightenment. Develop your material into a volume. Or, make an educational film. That's what I do as a documentary film producer. Do not scuff at the idea. Content sells. Especially yours. I just might be able to help you.
Godfrey Silas
Thanks Godfrey--I'll consider that! In the meantime, I appreciate your encouraging words. All the best to you.
Wow, I'm in your generation and there are things that I recognized as true. But I also learned some things I didn't know. Thanks for the advice.
Great hub! rings true with what I know about my guy.
I guess I stumbled onto this a little after the fact. Anyway, I really like this whole list. Coming from a guy (in case you couldn't tell), I can personally vouch for everything on there. It's all true, ladies.
I'm just really glad somebody finally wrote this. Now, if only we could put in on flyers and drop them from helicopters over every major city, the divorce rate in the US might normal out a bit.
Thanks. :)
By the way, cool screen name! I'm guess you are dan mayer? lol! Thanks for stopping by.
Highly insightful. You've clearly done you're homework. The porn thing was the best. If you run into a dude who says he doesn't even check out porn from time to time online, you've found yourself a liar. Any cautious guy worth his salt knows to clear the cache and cookies if his girlfriend is going to be using his PC. It's just standard operating procedure.
Hi artfuldodger--Thank for stopping by. Probably more women check out porn than will admit to it too--not on a regular basis, but just out of curiosity. Anything you'd ever want to see (and lots you wouldn't ever want to see) is a keystroke away. How can a person not be curious? For guys though, I'm thinking it has to be hurting the magazine industry.
So true! Great insight...thanks for sharing :)
porn is like candy.. too much is very bad..
Pretty sure some of this is bullshit. The porn thing, are you really that bitter after 3 divorces you think every guy you meet is a disgusting dog? There are respectable guys out there and you're giving them a bad name. I don't enjoy porn, I like real women not fake sluts on a computer screen so why don't you dos ome more research on that one.
Also, the men don't want to have sex "with you". I'll be honest with you if you're dating a man that is day dreaming about having sex with other women you shouldn't be with him, that isn't just a "guy thing". You're obviously bitter towards men I just hope a lot of younger girls don't see this and automatically assume theres no hope for them.
There are nice guys out there maybe if all you women would stop going for "the bad boys" and look at someone who's been there all along you wouldn't have these problems to begin with. It's only as complicated as you make it.
I love your hub. It's cute and funny and I enjoyed the humor. For the most part I find a lot of truth in it. You seem to be describing all the men in my life, save one.
Hi David, have a lovely day yourself. :)
Disturbia, thanks! Just a bit of fun.
Godfrey,
This post represents a concerted accumulation of ardent, disembodied half-truth. Although it seems humorously common-sensical, this realm of lackadaisical deficits neither confounds nor is practicably accepted by most women. It is NOT generally accepted that women are appropriately intuitive. And the polarizing sphere of so-called manhood persists as the most frustrating for women who understand themselves and their men aptly well. Even the best among women (and their male counterparts) lack the cognitive patience for dealing with impenetrable bullshit. My suggestion for women is neither as arrogant as yours, nor abstract: Stay as centered, emotionally aware and self-appointed as is logically present in your own valuable existence, and clarity will attend your level of personal tolerance. At this level of trust in your own dependable insight, the scrupulous combination of awareness and patience makes relationship mores more congruous, as well as decisions on such matters easily precise. One of the frailties of 'woman' is the frivolity of a loved one's unreturned investment in her equally rightful well-being.
So go f**k yourself to some really good smut, p*ss off, and please don't bother to shower. Soap and laundry detergent obviously reek of emotional dysfunction.
Grundy,
I'm an avid new fan of yours, but seriously...I can't find a hint of real helpfulness in this hub. And I can't believe you actually thanked that guy Godfrey for his 'encouraging' words about women. PLEASE. I am truly, deeply disappointed.
sbeakr--I used to respond negatively to negative posts and I discovered that just brings more negative posts. Some people just want to fight. It's a big internet, there's no reason for anyone to keeping reading something they don't like.
Grundy,
I appreciate your feedback as well as your writing. I do not make even a slight habit of responding 'negatively'...but my opinion is just as valid and educated as those that respond with nothing but laughs and kudos. Some people are here to be nasty, true, but I am actually not, and had I not been deeply struck by this hub and its follow-ups, I would not have spoken. I do not participate in most forum threads because of the very thing you mention, but I don't think in this case I was at all out of turn. Authors are allowed to moderate comments, true? I am not trying to offend you, but I will also not remain passive in the way this entire hub recommends. Leaving the subject be now; I'll not return, per your own suggestion and mine.
I didn't mean you were being nasty, I thought you were taling about a previous comment by some else, that's why I said I don't normally respons to negative comments, Of course your opinion is valid. I write here for fun. Not everybody is going to like what I write and I don't expect it. Thanks for your thoughts and your time.
Quote:
"Constant Walker says:5 months ago
The title got my attention, so I came here ready to argue, for men everywhere, on several - if not all - points. But, guess what? You got right! Your man is one lucky-ass dude. I hope to find someone like you someday.
Good show, lass. Someone's been paying attention.."
Constant Walker is right. Your man is one lucky ass dude.
Hi adzeman21--My man is not half as lucky as I am. :)
you're so right my mum didn't tell a %&%^n one of those things but i learned them all the same. the only really new one was #5 and I'm so glad to know this now because i've been in a relationship for awhile now and i thought he was growing complacent because he doesn't even care any more if he farts around(and his farts are BAD) but it really does make sense that he is just sure that i'm sticking around and is acting true to his nature, thank you
Hi hienergybrain--Yes I think it's hard to live with anyone, but if you're great friends that truly helps. Thank you for stopping by. :)
Good Hub.
Awesome!!! Loved It , so hilarious and true..
Here's my 10
All men are different and especially how the mother(a woman has brought them up). Whether she allowed Dads misbehaviour.
We have understanding skills, they have logic and combate
skills, and so do women in longtime careers.
Men are human. They do care.
Men play up because they don't have our nurturing ability,
and women find it hard to survive alone without skills men
have. Therefore men combat for dominance over a woman and
she usually attempts to understand it than showing the door.
Women often annoy men with what they say and their emotions
and women don't listen either. Men are more practically
trusted as women go off course to get what they want due to
a lack of reasoning skills. She wants to know why. She
argues the point, she gets the wrong end of the stick. She
is often more deceitful and kniving that a male.
Men and women will never get on and their bad points are
hideous while their good points are too attracting
that was a great hub i actuallly read the whole long thing :)
theres only one point i disagree with but ther rest sounds right
great advice
dineane says:
9 months ago
Doesn't sound like BS to me at all! Lots of smart observations here :-)
Happy V-Day to you to - bought (and hid) some pink M&Ms today!