(More writing by Alex Caldon can be found in the book The Quest for Truth; On Finding The Grail, which is available from www.thequestfortruth.co.uk. Some people are eligible for a FREE copy. Happy Questing! )

In our mind maps we have a perception of our own ability in everything we do. We rate ourselves in our ability, be that in our performance in sex, or in singing or in solving maths problems, whatever. We have some idea from our life experiences of how good we are at the things we have already tried, and we take a guess at how able we are to tackle new things which life throws at us. However, our mind-map of our abilities is subject to errors. We either think we are better than we really are at something, or we think we are less able than is the reality.

Consider the first schematic diagram below, Excessive Ego:

The two hands represent the levels of one's perceived ability and one's actual ability. In Figure 5 the person's hands show that they think they are better at something than they really are - they have too much ego. How does this affect their ability to interact with their environment? Consider a problem which occurs which requires an ability at level C or higher. The person here wrongly thinks that their ability exceeds that required to meet the challenge, they think they are at A. They very happily get involved with the new challenge, but then the reality of what they are doing hits them and they fail to rise to the challenge. For example, there are many people who think they can sing. So they go along to auditions where they fail to meet the standards required by the other performers or the audience, and they are quickly brought back to Earth with a crash. Such egotistical people may often fail, but to their credit they do have a go and they will be able to look back with the satisfying knowledge that they tried to do what they wanted to do. Not only that, but the method of trial and error teaches them, and their actual ability will normally climb a little after each attempt until eventually their actual ability may match the required ability for the problem; eventually they may well prevail. If they don't like looking foolish, on the other hand, a public humiliation may put them off trying again.

So is the answer to crush one's ego as small as possible, and to think very little of oneself? The second picture - Low Self Confidence depicts this scenario:

Here, the reality is that the person easily has enough talent to rise to the challenge at level C, but their self-perception is not high enough - they think they can't do it. So these people are more likely to run away from the challenge. They fear looking foolish. Consequently they try too few things in life, because of their delusion that they are not good enough. And because they don't have a go, they are trapped by the delusion. If they found the courage to attempt the challenges they would then easily beat the challenge and prove to themselves that they can do it. Their self-perception, their ego, would then rise to become more accurate to the reality. And if they interacted more their actual ability would also rise. These people won't fall flat on their face, but then they risk not living. In singing there are many such people who are immobilised by fear. When such people start to get involved, they can sometimes be spotted. By providing loving encouragement to these shrinking violets they can be encouraged to grow and discover themselves. They are able to grow because they feel small; they have what Taoists call te or de - the virtue or power of the small.

The answer then is to neither think too much of oneself, nor too little. We need to match our perceived ability as close as possible to our actual ability in order to prevail. And just as importantly when we remember we can grow our life opportunities become many and varied. We may accurately know that we can not do something at present; but then we can remember that we can grow and learn and become able to meet higher challenges some time in the future. After we have practised a little. It's all jolly good fun.

"I am always doing that which I can not do,

in order that I may learn how to do it."

Pablo Picasso