For most families, the picture (if not the reality) of Thanksgiving is a table generously packed with savory dishes and sweet pies, surrounded with family and friends. A big meal is great for a big family, but if you're alone or staying home with a smaller gathering, all of that fuss doesn't make any sense. Why cook yourself to death, waste money and time that could be better spent in social enjoyment?

Make your own tradition. Don't think of changes as negative. Tradition is what we make it and all of those rituals and memories have to begin somewhere, with someone. Maybe your way won't be the best for everyone, but as long as it fits what you want and what your family needs, who can argue?

If you struggle to cook a proper turkey, why bother yourself with the frustration? Order a cooked item from a local deli or restaurant. Buy it in. This is 2009! We are no longer hung up on the perfect housewife routine. If a guest has a particular talent for pies, welcome or even specifically request a pie.

If you're watching your weight, skip or refine the stuffing recipe. It is a lot of butter and carbs--delicious butter and carbs--but you can still have the treat without all of the calories. If stuffing is your favorite, spend your calories on it and enjoy, cut back on another meal component.

Organize your labor. Spread the holiday meal out so that you don't need to endure one long marathon of cooking or drag yourself out of bed at the crack of dawn for a 6pm service.

Invite a friend over to cook one or two days before the holiday. You can share each other's company and chat. Meanwhile, two pairs of hands make the work go faster.

Make snacks like stuffed celery the night before, with the kids. Kids love to be a part of things and when they have a part, they aren't quite the headache they can be when they're excited and full of energy without a direction. Let them put out place settings, make decorations, collect coats or fill dishes with olives and pickles.

Bake pies a couple of days ahead or do the prep, leave the ingredients in the mixing bowl in the fridge and bake them the day of.

Ask for help in the kitchen once company arrives. Guests like to have something to do and take pride in helping out. Cooks can always use a break and always have some small task that needs tending. Sure the focus won't be completely on you, but you will be sharing the work, the glory and the memory. Isn't that the better way?

If you plan to host a large gathering, it is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to bring a dish. If a guest has an unusual favorite, that can be the dish he brings. Ask guests ahead of time to RSVP with what they plan to bring so that you can fill in any gaps.

If a guest is having a tough time with money, ask them to come early to help out, explaining that their input is far more needed than a dish. And if you are a bit strapped for cash, remember that the point of the holiday is supposed to be sharing what you have with those around you. Serve only what you can afford and serve it proudly. 

Limit your meal. You can still prepare a sumptuous feast without overdoing the effort. Choose a couple of favorites for each person. You will find there are many common likes when it comes to dishes.

Get rid of carryover selections you offer because they're seasonal, but no one eats. Maybe in your house that would be cranberries, maybe beets. Why waste the food or the effort?

Don't feel like you have to provide everything for every guest. They are all getting companionship and a hot holiday meal. If you forgot the Cool Whip, big deal. Aunt Fergie's chestnut stuffing? Do you look like Aunt Fergie?

You don't have to go into hock over a holiday. Even a nice, simple meal, even a tv dinner, is lovely in a warm house with your loved ones. Choose the foods that mean the most to you and savor them. That's all you need.

If you're making less or making less yourself, consider making the items with the most impact. Fresh bread smells divine and tastes far better than processed rolls. Bread is also one of those items that can be baked ahead or prepared as far as the dough and refrigerated or frozen until the day you need it.

Take a component of the meal and make it your own. My partner makes a mean pot of skin-on potatoes with coconut milk: Jimmy’s Spicy Rustic Mashed Potatoes. He also makes a delicious sweet potato that even people who hate them will die for.

Jimmy's Fantasy Not Even Sweet Potatoes

Find sweet potatoes with no small holes or bad spots. Wash them, but don't peel. Cut the potatoes into bite sized pieces (ideally one by two inch rectangles, maybe 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick).

Parboil. Bring the water and a pinch of salt to a boil, then add the potatoes. When they just start to yield to a fork, drain the water.

Heat a skillet over medium low heat, add butter. When the butter sizzles a bit, pop in the potatoes to brown. Try to turn them only once. The potatoes should crisp on the bottom and not be mushy.

For a garlic butter topping: peel, smash and chop several cloves. Melt a few tablespoons of butter, add the garlic and cook over medium low heat until the garlic softens and the butter is infused with its flavor. Spoon over your potatoes as desired. You can add sage as well for a more savory sauce.

Own the traditions, as well as the food. Not everyone watches the ball game and some who do don't like to sit through the whole event. Host a game table and leave the tv on in the background. Perfect for pie and coffee time or when conversation lags.

Have a card tournament. Plan your Christmas gift exchange or your next day shopping spree. Make a family memory book or blog where everyone tells a story and someone takes down the notes. Take a walk in the crisp air together. Heck, bring everyone into the kitchen for a lovely washing of the dishes!

My partner and I don't celebrate the holiday, but we still enjoy the feasting! Even with a gluten free vegan in the house.

We prefer to spread our gluttony out over the week around the holiday. For example, we might make stuffing one night and have leftovers of it the next, with mashed potatoes. We get the same food, but we treasure each component of the meal more because we can pay more attention to it. Fewer options crowd in to claim our attention at any one sitting. We don't overindulge and the work is no more than with a normal meal.

Plus, every day is a holiday! We don't miss out on our own thing, even when we have to attend family or work parties.