Appreciation and the art of appreciation are important and vital social skills which teach us to be open minded and appreciative of the good things around us and the good things in others-positive character traits such as talent, beauty, humour, determination, intelligence, wit and such like. Appreciation is a two way process of give and take that leaves both the parties feeling positive, good and warm. We like it when someone appreciates the good in us and positive chemicals are released which make us feel good about ourselves and get inspired to do greater things. Similarly when we appreciate some one or something the other person feels good and in the process we also get a positive feeling of being humane, cultured, well-informed, intelligent and part of the society around us.

Appreciating the good things around us, the beauty of nature, someone’s physical traits, a good work of art, or a poem, or a speech or a sporting victory shows that we are open to the suggestions around us and that certain good feelings are aroused when we see something worth praising or complimenting. In the process we learn to distinguish between the mediocre, the good and the meritorious and observe some growth and progress in ourselves as persons and humans, and also vertical & horizontal growth in social mobility. When we can discern the positive aspects of some object event or personality trait, it also shows that we have an understanding and liking of the good things of life. “I really liked your book; it brought up certain aspects of the human experience which have never earlier been talked about.” “Your painting is really beautiful and shows nature as it really is. I wish I could paint as well as you do. Do you get your inspiration from Claude Monet or Constable?” “

That speech you gave that day really inspired a lot of young men and women to work for their country. Keep up the good work and I hope you find success in whatever you do.” Such statements of appreciation do and reveal a whole lot of things even though you may not feel or realize them immediately. Besides speaking about you as a person, it makes the other person feel good, wanted and inspired to do better, it gives life purpose and meaning and hope-that life and mankind are capable of great things-things which make life worth living and add zest and enthusiasm to the entire business of life. When we do so, we also get moved to find out more about the subject, about others who have ventured on the subject and in the process you increase your knowledge, awareness, interactive skills, social skills, contacts, social, & professional network and thereby move up the social ladder.

If you are honest and open about your praise, you get invited to social events, gatherings and conferences and the snowball of knowledge and contacts becomes bigger and bigger. You may not be a very good poet or writer or speaker but if you can distinguish between the ordinary and the excellent you become wanted and popular. People tend to like your company. Here it is important to make a distinction between lip service, flattery and sycophancy and emphasize that appreciation should come from the heart and be genuine. If you don’t feel like appreciating, don’t do it or even be frank enough to say why a specific thing was bad, or inadequate or lacking-honest criticism never hurt anyone and, in fact, helps you to improve yourself and be open minded about other people’s opinions or feelings.

Why should one learn the art of appreciation?

Appreciation tends to make us receptive to other people’s ideas and activities and in this we develop an open and magnanimous mind. It shows that we can appreciate the good things of life, are cultured and educated enough to see what is good and praiseworthy. It reveals that we do not live mundane, unexciting lives and like to participate in social events like theatre, poetry sessions, art exhibitions, public & political meetings, music shows, dance performances and such like and are aware of the big names in this field and familiar with their work. This knowledge is revealed when we appreciate good work done by someone else. In the process of appreciation we also get inspired to know and read more about the specific subject and in this we increase our knowledge and become more aware and involved. Appreciation thereby directly causes us to grow as individuals and develop positive personality traits which help us increase our social & professional contacts and increases social mobility.

Watching others and offering your appreciation also inspires you to do good & brave acts and also create works of art yourself. It stands to reason that if you appreciate others this will start a two way process in which what good you do will also be appreciated by others.

Secondly, what should one appreciate

Once you are clear about what is the need for appreciation you would come to the second aspect of what should one appreciate. If you are a novice in the fine art of appreciation start with attending whatever social events you can or are invited to like art shows, public speaking contests, theatre, weddings and parties, poetry reading sessions, dance performances, live music shows and such like. This helps you make a beginning in the art of appreciation and you would obviously react to the event or feel certain ideas or emotions arising in you as a result of the performance or display. It is not necessary that you should be an intellectual of some standing, or a deep thinker or scholar on the subject. Express what you feel in simple and polite words-begin by extending your hand for shaking or bowing in acknowledgement, establish eye contact and briefly let the person concerned know why you liked his/her work and what you liked about it. With time you would learn to go deeper in your praise, possibly read some or search the web for related information, or learn about similar work by other people, or a record in the field. If you have the time and the inclination there are a host of books on criticism, culture, theory of poetry & Fine Art like Aristotle’s Great work, T.S.Eliot’s Notes Towards Definition of Culture, The Lyrical Ballads by S.T.Coleridge & William Wordsworth, besides the collected works of great literary critics like F.R.Leavis, Malcolm Muggeridge, A.C. Bradley, T.S.Eliot and so on. Similarly, if you want that your appreciation of any other aspect of life should gain in depth, do try and expand your horizons and increase the depth of your knowledge by reading & finding out more about it. In short appreciate whatever you feel is worthy of your appreciation so long as your appreciation is genuine.

The aspect of timing.

Or when and at what time must one offer one’s appreciation. The best time is of course at the event itself or at the end of a show. If you are not able to do so because of the time and the crowd factor, do remember to phone up the person later, or visit the person’s house or office to offer your appreciation. In the event of your not being present at the occasion and seeing it on TV, or reading about it in a newspaper or magazine, or hearing about it from someone else, do find an appropriate time to compliment or praise the person. Do not think that your appreciation does not matter-everyone big or small, famous or insignificant, likes praise. Do not delay the verbal offering for too long and if you are interested in knowing the person better, politely leave your business card and or phone number.

Next, which things should one appreciate? There are so many things, events, personalities; happenings that one would like to appreciate that one can get confused about what one should appreciate. Should one restrict oneself to big or important and well-published events and miss out on the events & happenings of lesser importance. There are really no defined parameters for what, who and which things one should appreciate. Once again, the thumb rule is appreciate what genuinely moves or inspires you and what you really like-whether it is a young child reciting a poem at a family gathering, a neighbour playing the guitar, a street artist painting from a café or pavement, a friend dancing at a local discotheque or a renowned personality performing before a jam-packed live audience. It could be the decorations at a wedding, an Ikebana decoration at someone’s home, a couplet in Urdu or Persian, a masterpiece of art at an exhibition, a qawwali singer at a historical monument, the way someone has organized flower beds in his/her personal garden, or the way someone dresses or talks. Everybody loves a good conversationalist, a storyteller and a good humorist and they in turn love appreciation which is genuine. Your appreciation in these things may be expressed by your rapt attention or laughing reactions-it may not be explicit but implicit and implied by your attention and reaction. It may be simply some act of bravery, courage or determination, or a great sporting act, or an act of charity, or even someone’s character traits like humility, intelligence, spiritual belief-there are really no limits to what one should appreciate and can be as wide and varied as life itself.

Where should one express one’s appreciation?

One should appreciate wherever the cause arises – whether at a wedding, at a party, at a function, in an auditorium, at a public meeting, at someone’s home, at a dinner party in some city restaurant, at a sports meet… wherever the opportunity arises. The ideal place is of course where the event takes place. In doing this you show your appreciation in front of a lot of people. This tells not only the person appreciated but also a whole lot of friends, well wishes and associates that you are open minded, cultured, well-informed, receptive and a sensitive human being who can appreciate the finer things of life and see good in others instead of being merely caught up in your own mundane world and your own pressures and motivations. Sometimes the setting and ambience of the place where you offer your appreciation are very important and add to your few genuine words of praise or encouragement. The backstage of a Theatre performance, the hall outside a place of entertainment, the walkway to the parking lot, the lobby where an exhibition is taking place are all ideal places where your appreciation will be well received and achieve the maximum effect. So along with timing the place where appreciation is expressed has its own importance, so choose it well and don’t let much time elapse after the occurrence of an event otherwise your praise may seem out of place and badly timed.

Then finally there is the aspect of how should one appreciate. This involves a certain amount of technique, a few well-chosen words and some meaningful gestures or positive body language. The French, for example, are very emotional & effusive people and while expressing themselves use their arms, facial expressions, hands, body, eyebrows considerably. The British, in contrast, may be very understated and reticent and may just say, “Not bad”, which is really a lot of praise from a Britisher. One thing is common to all praise, as mentioned earlier, and that is the genuineness of your appreciation. The message should come from the heart and regardless of whether or not you are a renowned critic, or connoisseur, or a scholar on the subject, your praise will be well received and be a source of warmth, good feeling and inspiration for the person being appreciated. Since appreciation is an important art for personal professional and social growth, one must put some thought to the quality of one’s appreciation. Though out history there have been flatterers, courtiers and sycophants and some whose appreciation had a positive outcome and who learnt to be genuine in their appreciation. So be positive, honest and direct in your appreciation and not shy away from negative criticism. Over time as you grow in age and as a person, your appreciation will also become more refined and intense and you will possibly be able to say in a few lines which earlier took several paragraphs. For this to happen you could read some recommended texts on criticism and appreciation or surf the net for some well-written articles on the subject and art of appreciation. It is not essential that you have to use only words for appreciation-your expression could also be in material form like some small gift or an invitation to dinner or a nearby pub or restaurant. On the converse you may not have adequate material resource to express your appreciation in gift form so words or even a small card can be enough. Since there are few published guidelines on how to appreciate you can use your imagination and there is a lot of scope for innovation and originality.

So if you want to grow as a thinking, cultured and well informed human being do learn the fine art of appreciation and you will definitely increase your own well being, the well being and good feeling of others and your own social and professional network.