The Art of Foreplay

Foreplay, one of the most pleasurable portions of sexual expres­sion, follows no set schedule on when to do what; therefore couples should understand one another's readiness for intercourse. The average woman reaches her maximum level of responsiveness after some twenty minutes of foreplay. In some cases an experienced wife may require only ten to fifteen minutes of preparation, an inexperienced bride as much as thirty minutes or even more, and a woman with a sexual problem forty-five minutes or more. A wife needs to understand that she is not abnormal or frigid because she differs from the quick response of her husband. Because a woman responds more slowly than a man, she needs to be approached and wooed patiently, but she is just as capable of enjoying the sexual experience.

Women commonly complain that their husbands do not spend enough time preparing them. Some go so far as to say that they do not feel prepared at all. Women who are forced into sexual relations without the necessary preparations feel that their bodies have been exploited to gratify the needs of their husbands, without regard for their own needs. Such women often insist that they feel like prostitutes. Yeta little romantic tenderness throughout the day and a little more time at night would make all the difference in the world.

The wife of a husband who ejaculates rapidly and without sufficient foreplay usually will classify him as "ignorant" or "clumsy" in lovemaking. Yet the same husband often considers himself a good lover and reports that his wife achieves a climax to a higher degree than she herself reports. The truth is that fast lovers almost never make the most desired list.

A man, too, will benefit from lengthening foreplay. Not only will he sense a greater enjoyment from his wife's responsiveness, but he will also experience increased pleasure for himself. After the caress, erotic thought, or stimulating sight that brought on the erection, he enters a second phase of increased excitement that can stretch out to twenty minutes or more.

During foreplay a couple should engage in love play that both enjoy. Usually the husband is the more willing to initiate a greater variety of lovemaking experiences, but he should not force these upon an unwilling partner. The key here is mutual enjoyment, and a couple can experiment with a great variety of pleasurable lovemaking experi­ences if they so choose.

Dr. Herbert Miles, a well-known Christian authority on sex, gives the following sound advice to couples in doubt: "In interpersonal relationships in the community and society, modesty is a queen among virtues, but in the privacy of the marriage bedroom, behind locked doors, and in the presence of pure married love, there is no such thing as modesty. A couple should feel free to do whatever they both enjoy which moves them into a full expression of their mutual love and in sexual experience.

"At this point it is well to give a word of caution. All sex experi­ences should be those which both husband and wife want. Neither, at any time, should force the other to do anything that he does not want to do. Love does not force."