Legendary wooden actor Chuck Norris inspires hundreds of thousands of one-liners across the Internet. Keeping in mind that he is a Karate Man, we present the Best Chuck Norris Jokes in the World, Bar None.

Chuck Norris drinks Gatorade, that he gets by squeezing two gators together.

Chuck Norris started college with 4 years of AP credit in Mathematics

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he bathes in the fear of his adversaries.

Chuck Norris programmed his cell phone in assembly language and hand-assembled the code into machine language.

Chuck Norris owns a minority share in the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Chuck Norris doesn't dance Swan Lake, he dances Alligator Lake.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid to admit he prefers the designated hitter rule.

Chuck Norris thinks Bono's sunglasses are cool.

Chuck Norris opens his presents on Christmas morning, not Christmas eve.

Chuck Norris can cure cancer with a simple glare, but that glare also kills the patient

Chuck Norris understands the rules of the Tour de France

Chuck Norris orders his cheeseburgers with no onions

Chuck Norris was a disgraced Navy chef who served out his tour of duty cooking for a ship's captain.

Chuck Norris turned down the role of opening for Jimi Hendrix in 1969.

Chuck Norris pays full price at Half Price Books.

After a satisfactory meal, Chuck Norris calculates a 17.5% tip in his head.

Chuck Norris inspired the Bernie Taupin/ Elton John song "Tiny Dancer".

When mowing his lawn, Chuck Norris never cuts off more than 1/3 of its' current height.

Chuck Norris was the first choice for the goofy sidekick in "Seinfeld".

Chuck Norris can break down, clean, and reassemble his MacBook while blindfolded.

Chuck Norris follows the Jonas Brothers on tour.

Chuck Norris carves tiny wooden figurines of the Boston Tea Party.

Chuck Norris sleeps in a hypobaric chamber.

Chuck Norris rides a bamboo bicycle.

Chuck Norris understands the difference between Alternating Current and Direct Current.

Chuck Norris relaxes himself to sleep by softly singing Golden Earring's "Radar Love."

Chuck Norris derived the quadratic equation when he was 42 years old.

Chuck Norris has adapted the material known as "Nerf" for over 100 top-secret applications.

Chuck Norris always puts up the flag when leaving mail in his mailbox.

Chuck Norris can go to his left

Chuck Norris always greets his postman with a cheery hello

Chuck Norris prefers his hybrid SUV for trips to the hardware store

Chuck Norris always fair-catches punts inside the 10 yard line

Chuck Norris thinks funny football quotes are always good for a chuckle

Chuck Norris understands the subtle nuances of Vin Diesel movies